Log Cabin Chronicles

The Aging Process
it's when 'getting lucky'
takes on a whole new meaning

Maybe it's true that life begins after fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that the lousiest time for a guy to get those odds?

Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes just as long as you don't have to go along.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

You know you're getting on in years when the women at the office start confiding in you.

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Government.

You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know till July 1st.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

And finally, you know you're really getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

Passed along by Robert Gervais


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Copyright © 2000 John Mahoney/Log Cabin Chronicles/07.00