Log Cabin Chronicles Tim Belford's apocalypse.html

Log Cabin Chronicles

Signs of the Apocalypse

TIM BELFORD

I've never been a particularly suspicious sort.

Mind you, I do avoid walking under ladders, and I've been known to toss a little spilt salt over my shoulder. I don't much trust black cats either. And I wouldn't for the life of me be the third on a match.

But apart from that, I wouldn't say I'm suspicious.

That's why I find it odd that lately I can't seem to shake a sense of impending doom. Maybe it's the approaching millennium.

After all, the doom doctors are lining up to tell us why everything from the stock market to the royal family is going to crash and burn.

I mean, let's face it, the signs are all there.

I'm not talking about the troubles in Kosovo here. Nor the unrest in the Middle East. Not even the potential economic collapse of the Russian economy.

I'm talking about the real thing. The signs of the apocalypse. Ten sure-fire indicators that it's time to stock pile Campbell's soup and fresh water and head for the basement bunker.

Just think about it.

Pamela Anderson Lee has had her breasts reduced. Which is sort of like Tiger Woods throwing away his driver.

Wayne Gretzsky has called it quits.

The Conservative Party is lead, once again, by Joe Clark whose bid for the leadership was backed by Brian Mulroney!

Finance Minister Paul Martin actually said no to the banks.

The National Post is a success.

It's April and the Toronto Maple Leafs, the highest scoring team in the NHL, are still playing hockey.

It's April and the Canadians aren't.

Canadian public servants are on strike because they're paid less and have less security than the private sector.

The top sellers of the year are Furbies, Viagara, and mutual funds.

And probably the most frightening, Bill Gates, the man most likely to be on the receiving end of a wedgie in high school, is the most powerful man in the world.

As you can see, there's definitely cause for concern.

All we need now are four horsemen, a plague of frogs, and Jean Chrétien thinking about a third term in office.

CBC logo Tim Belford is a broadcaster living in Quebec City, where he hosts Quebec A.M. -- CBC Radio's popular English-language morning show (91.7 FM, 6-9, Mon.-Fri).

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