Jim Austin

His previous columns are archived HERE.

JIM AUSTIN

Bits & Pieces

I caught a bit of controversy on NPR last week. A representative from the Federal Drug Administration was criticizing seniors for going across the border to Canada to buy reasonably priced drugs. The drugs "could be counterfeit" said the FDA rep.

Yeah and if you took a Canadian pill you might develop an obsession with hockey, eh?

After living in Canada for some thirty years I can tell you that their pills are just as good as ours. The problem is that Canadian pills are cheaper.

FDA officials, who are owned by the big pharmaceutical companies, will say anything, no matter how asinine, to keep their masters enriched with the social security money of American seniors.

I think they count on the fact that the average Americans don't have a clue about any country outside "Amahrica."

Michael Jackson is either a craven child-molester or a target for con artists because of his love for children. He's admitted that he has slept with young boys, just "slept" mind you. That's close enough for me. Twenty years. Next case.

Were you impressed when George Bush covertly flew to Baghdad and landed with windows dimmed in a darkened airport to visit troops for a few hours, then slunk out? You would think he could have spent an hour or so with ordinary Iraqis, telling them about the new freedoms he was bringing to their nation.

As soon as George returned from Baghdad he was off to Cincinnati for a fund-raiser. I hope you know that when George hops aboard Air Force 1 and hits the rubber-chicken circuit to gouge the fat cats for cash, it's you and me who foot the bill. I wonder what kind of mileage you get on Air Force 1? By now the GOP must have raised enough money to pay off the national debt run up by Junior. "I jest" there isn't that much money on earth.

Speaking of the power of advertising, a guy in Germany wrote an advertisement seeking someone for "slaughter and consumption ". Of the 400 applicants, he chose Bernd Juergen. He was killed and eaten by the accused. Please pass the cranberries.

Mr. Juergen is ineligible for the Darwin Award this year. One of the requirements of this prestigious award is that other parties may not be instrumental in the winner's demise.

In case you don't know, the Darwin Awards are presented yearly to the person whose unfortunate demise removes him or her from the gene pool. Last year's winner was typical. A young man with little money and no beer attempted to get a buzz from a mixture of gasoline and milk. After consuming a large quantity of his holiday cheer, he staggered over to his wood stove and vomited into the embers. Predictably, (for non-Darwin Award winners) the gas exploded, killing him and burning his house to the ground.

The "Drudge Report" is a popular right-wing web site that is frequently quoted on cable news shows like Fox News. Currently, he has a series of candid photos of Democratic candidate Howard Dean. His various poses show an angry Dean exhorting crowds or intimidating bystanders. The title of the piece is "Howard Dean…Righteous anger or rage? By the time Dean wins the nomination he'll make Hannibal Lechter look like Mr. Rogers.

Go to Google, type in "miserable failure" then hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button.