Jim Austin

His previous columns are archived HERE.

JIM AUSTIN

Bring on the Rapture

Now that Torquemada (alias John Ashcroft) is out of here we can at least hope for an Attorney General that doesn't clap citizens in irons and hold them there until they confess.

In case you aren't up on your Spanish history, Torquemada was a Dominican Priest in charge of the Spanish Inquisition. His brightest moment was the trial of eight Jews who were convicted of crucifying a Christian child. No actual victim was found but the Jews were convicted anyway, and torched.

Ashcroft had much the same attitude.

Jose Padilla is the last of the American "enemy combatants" left in custody. Ashcroft was convinced he was a "dirty bomber" in league with Al Quaeda. The fact that there was absolutely no evidence didn't matter then and doesn't now.

Sounds like progress since the 1400s, though.

Ashcroft can now go back to the Bible Belt and await the "Rapture."

The Rapture is a term from the Bible. It appears in Revelations and is right at the top of the hit parade with our herds of slack-jawed Evangelical Christians in the red states. If you want to find out about the Rapture without all the "begats" and "whosoevershalts" you can read any of the "Left Behind" series of books by Tim LaHaye.

LaHaye was the chairman of Jack Kemp's presidential campaign and organizer of the Council for National Policy, a powerful conservative organization whose members include Ollie North and John Ashcroft.

Anyhow, the Left Behind series is a monstrously anti-Semitic series of books that tells of the end of days when the true Christians will be whisked up to heaven leaving all others behind to be exploited and tortured by the anti-Christ.

Before you dismiss these books as "Harry Potter for retards" consider this: they have sold 50 million copies and are still going strong.

To all of the self-identified Evangelical Christians out there this book is not fiction it's prophecy. The people in power including our President think that this book is a fictionalized account of a future event. I guess when Bush is swept up to join the Almighty, then Dick Cheney will be President.

Hey, Dick is pretty close to the anti-Christ so maybe this prophecy bears looking at.

In Colorado, the high priest of the New Life Evangelical Church Ted Haggard had been urging his flock to vote for Bush. After two meetings at the White House he was able to tell his parishioners that George was one of them.

He told an NPR interviewer that 90 percent of his people voted and the only reason that the other 10 percent stayed home was because they believed the Rapture was just around the corner and they thought, "What's the point -- I'll be with Christ before the votes are counted."

This week Haggard is meeting with White House officials to discuss upcoming Supreme Court nominees. It's payback time.

Were you aware that Haggard's church is not allowed by law to tell people how they should vote? This law is on the books because churches are tax-exempt. They don't have to pay taxes to the state and in return they aren't supposed to be political. The Bush White House ignores this law almost as much as our civil rights.

We are about to enter the dark ages in this country. Eleven states have sanctified bigotry against gays with more to follow no doubt. Kansas, Wisconsin, Georgia, and others are again pushing creationism into the classroom as an alternative theory to evolution. Prayer in our schools is next followed by the Ten Commandments etched in stone on our courthouse steps.

I see no end to our culture war. Unless of course the Rapture really occurs. Then the next Republican Candidate will be short about 30 million votes. C'mon, Rapture.