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2018
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Jim Austin:
Ex-Vermonter at Large
Jim Austin
Jim Austin
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is a freelance writer from Cape Breton, Nova Scotia.

His previous columns are archived HERE.

Posted 3.4.17

JIM AUSTIN

Trumpwatch 2017: Guns for the Insane and Other Crazy Shit

CAPE BRETON, NS | As my legions of readers know (I estimate them to be well into the single digits), I have always had a thing about gun control. After several years of pursuing the goal of limiting handguns, universal registration, banning assault weapons, and closing the gun show loophole, I gave up.

The response to my torrent of logic? Now states like Texas allow open handgun (or assault weapon) carry anywhere including bars and church. And, as a bonus for my efforts, suspected terrorists on the list of those banned from flying can still legally buy weapons. Well now the real payoff. Our geniuses in the Senate have just passed a bill allowing seriously mentally ill people to buy guns. People who cannot legally manage their own affairs may buy an assault weapon!

So, the guy who can't get it together to cash his own disability check could soon be packing heat. It 's open season on mass shootings, thanks to your Republican representatives. I wonder how many Senators would show up a town hall meeting attended by severely mentally ill constituents, all of whom were legally armed to the teeth?

Fun Fact: The government can force a recall of defective toys but not real firearms. Google Remington 700.

Speaking of smoking guns, how about our President and his puppeteers in Moscow? The New Yorker, the Washington Post and the NY Times are digging furiously to uncover details of Trump's involvement with Russia.

Wilbur Ross, our recently confirmed Secretary of Commerce, has been found to be the largest shareholder of a bank in Cyprus where billions of dollars in Russian Oligarch monies are being laundered. According to my favorite anchor babe, Rachel Maddow, another Russian billionaire, it has been revealed, bought a sprawling Palm Springs home from Donald Trump in 2008 for 100 million bucks. Donald bought it for 40 million and flipped it. The New Yorker says that Trump never even met the Russian squillionaire. So, who brokered the deal? It was our new Commerce Secretary and Grant Wood model, Wilbur Ross.

Next up is Paul Manafort, Trump 's campaign chairman. He was apparently blackmailed by a Ukrainian politician who threatened to reveal that Manafort was taking payoffs from Putin's buddy, the Ukrainian President, who has since fled the country. Everybody denies everything. What does it mean? Who knows? It 's just another strand in the web of lies spun by the rickety Trump machine.

Rex Tillerson? Our Secretary of State, recipient of the Russian "Order of Friendship, " had never met Trump before the campaign. Was he chosen by Putin? Well, he certainly knew Rex better than Trump.

Next up is the national Hobbit and newly minted Attorney General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions. His pants are on fire right now due to some answers he gave to Congress during the confirmation hearings. When Senator Al Franken asked him if he had met with any Russians during or after the campaign he replied:

"I ain 't never heerd a ' no Russkys."

Come to find out that he was ass deep in Russians during the primaries and the run up to the election. He had in fact met with the Russian ambassador and well known spymaster twice in his office. Lie bag!

There is so much Russian DNA all over this crime scene that the Ruskies may have picked the wrong horse. Trump seems so far up Putin 's lower tract that any favor he gives to the Russians will be instantly suspect.

We 're only 45 days in and already we 're awash in spectacular lies, recusements, firings, nepotism, and ham-handed international blunders.

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