Jim Austin

His previous columns are archived HERE.

JIM AUSTIN

Armchair Olympiast

I am a rabid Olympicaphile. Every two years, whether it is the Summer or Winter variety, I am velcroed to the barcalounger.

Yesterday I was up at 5 a.m. watching the table tennis gold medal match between the Chinese guy and the Korean guy. The intensity was palpable as these athletes pounded that little celluloid sphere like crazy people. The Korean won a rare gold over his desperate Chinese opponent whose future may include sewing fake Nikes at a sweatshop in Pong Gloom Province.

And the beach volleyball, I mean how could you not be fascinated. Gorgeously tanned and fit young women running around in their underwear is enough to melt the hard drive on your TiVo.

The Greeks have done a fabulous job putting on these games despite dire predictions of unfinished venues and lax security (knock on wood). The canoeing and whitewater rafting venues are outstanding as are the track and field facilities.

The games have not been without controversy. Men's gymnastics has been a disaster from a judging aspect. They began their incompetent march with a mishandling of the scoring in the "all around" competition won by Paul Hamm of the USA.

His Korean opponent wasn't judged by the proper criteria and won the bronze instead of the gold, which he deserved.

Rules dictate that protests must be made during the event and not afterwards so the standings remain. A harsh rule to be sure but most sports, (golf comes to mind) state that when the event is over, then it's over -- no matter what rules have been fractured.

The individual apparatus competitions saw Paul Hamm in the middle of another controversy through no fault of his own. The high bar competition featured Hamm and Alexei Nemov of Russia.

After Nemov gave a thrilling performance on the bar with six daring release moves he inexplicably received low marks from the idiot judges. The Malaysian and Canadian judges were not watching the same event as the others, apparently.

The crowd erupted in boos, jeers, and obscene hand gestures. It looked like a Fenway crowd with the Yankees in town. Finally the judges were intimidated into changing their scores, though not enough to make any difference.

Hamm was next. His performance was dull as dirt compared to Nemov, replete with small errors and a wonky landing. "First place," said the judges. Was that ouzo in those water pitchers? Eventually the Italian gymnast surpassed Hamm leaving him with the silver medal. He looked relieved that he had not won, so egregious was the scoring debacle.

The NBA "Dream Team" is not exactly living up to the hype this year. They are putting an exclamation mark on the reason they call basketball a "team" sport.

These pampered superstars have been made to look incompetent by the crisp passing and motivated defense of the real basketball teams. Thus far they have lost to Puerto Rico and Lithuania and barely squeaked by New Zealand and Greece.

This debacle in the wake of a Laker loss to a team of Detroit Piston nobodies in the NBA finals may send a message to NBA coaches about the value using plays and picks and sound defense.

The big story of the games so far has been the Iraqi soccer team.

At this writing they have made it to the medal rounds with amazing wins over World Championship finalist Portugal and then powerful Australia. If ever the folks back home needed some good news…

It is almost inevitable that I criticize whatever network is hosting the Olympics. In the past they have pummeled the viewer with nauseating puff pieces, especially those involving the pixie gymnasts on the American team. Somebody finally figured out that we don't really want to hear the life story of a 15-year-old. You can only take so much glop about how much she loves her teddy bear.

NBC hasn't abandoned the "up close and personal" spots but they seem more substantive and interesting than in years past.

The best is yet to come as the team events approach the medal rounds and the men's marathon and boxing finals lie ahead.

I will make one prediction: Pot Luc will win the Olympic air pistol gold medal for Cambodia. You can pick up the satellite feed at 3 a.m. this morning.