TIM BELFORD

Talk about ad scamming

I don't know about you but nothing gets my goat quite as much as being taken for a fool.

I was thinking about this recently when the country's politicians all started jockeying for position in advance of a possible winter election.

Already they're tossing around talk of income tax cuts, increased spending for Medicare, and a reduction of the GST, like so many brightly-coloured frisbies.

All of them guaranteed to woo the average voter whom they believe has all the brains of a gnat.

I guess you can't blame the ruling class. After all, they've got the ad companies as a model.

Just look at the junk on TV that we're all supposed to swallow.

Take the ad for pre-cooked roasts.

One of the beaming mothers actually chirps, "It's better than mine and I think I'm a really good cook."

I've got news for her. Really good cooks don't stick a piece of frozen beef into the oven for twenty minutes and wait for their family to go "Oh wow."

And somebody should tell the blockhead who announces "Dad can cook." that no he can't. He can reheat.

Speaking of food, what about the happy Italian family sitting around singing while they chow down on a frozen pizza.

For the love of god, cut off the wine.

And for Heaven's sake women, your "natural looking colour" isn't back.

Nobody has naturally copper-coloured hair.

Your natural colour is what's under the bottle of dye you've applied.

And while I'm at it, let me just suggest that you don't go to Mexico expecting the locals to invite you into their daughter's wedding reception.

It ain't going to happen.

In Tijuana if they invite you into a dimly lit room it's not to toast the bride.

One of my favorites is the car ad that touts the advantages of windshield wipers that sense the rain.

Apparently it cuts off a fifth of a second in getting those wipers running and allows you more time to spend with your family.

A fifth of a second. Great. Now you can do all those things you've always wanted to do with the kids but never had the time. Like blink.

Car ads really are the best.

I also like the one that shows the driver going through a slalom course to demonstrate the car's great handling ability.

They obviously aren't familiar with the average Quebec driver who can't even park his car between the yellow lines, let alone miss a moose on the highway to Chicoutimi.

So get ready. The election is coming. And our politicians have learned from the masters.

Just don't believe everything you hear.

After all, you can dress up a bad policy, cover it in sauce, and slap it in the oven but when it comes out it's still going to be half baked.