TIM BELFORD

Canada deals with avian flu threat

So the government has decided to nip the British Colombian avian flu problem in the bud. . . or the beak, so to speak.

Since the authorities couldn't stop the flu from spreading from farm to farm along the Fraser Valley, they've decided to give the bug no place to go.

Unfortunately, that means killing off 17 million potential hosts, i.e. all the hens roosters, ducks, and geese in the region.

Whether this will work or whether the government is going off half-cocked, or half-henned, isn't known for sure.

What is known, is that if something isn't done, Canada's poultry farmers may find themselves in the same situation beef farmers are in.

One is tempted to blame modern production methods that packs birds into such tight quarters that, if one hen sneezes, the whole flock coughs.

Let's face it, in this case the industry's problems really have come home to roost.

Being a skeptic by nature, I immediately began to wonder what they'll do with all these chickens once they've got the axe, so to speak.

It's not that I don't trust producers or government controls, but 17 million birds is a lot of potential fricassee.

So here's ten things I think Canadian consumers would be wise to avoid for the next couple of months.

• any St-Hubert barbecue chicken special advertising "buy one dinner get six free sale."
• the ginzu knife guy when he says, "but don't call yet. If you buy the six-knife set of ginzu ever-sharp, stainless steel knives this minute and we'll throw in two chickens at positively no extra cost!"
• the Kentucky Fried Chicken 10 cent bucket of wings.
• the latest from the Land's End catalogue. The all-new, completely waterproof, miracle, feathered rain coat.
• the new, 99 cent, twelve-dozen chicken McNugget economy pack.
• any British Columbia liberal party fund raiser that offers dinner with Prime Minister Paul martin for a dollar eighty a plate.
• Campbell's chicken noodle soup offered at any price less than a dollar a case.
• party packs of McCains' frozen chicken croquets offered for sale on E-Bay.
• a real-estate magazine whose listings feature a "super twenty-acre summer place located in the beautiful Fraser Valley. A handy man's delight, fixer upper requiring some sterilization.
• any Via Rail meal using the word "poulet" on the menu and the attendant claims she doesn't know the exact translation.

And, if you like your kids, skip your local chicken joint if it advertises "children five and under eat free."