TIM BELFORD

Enough with the boots already

I celebrated this week.

I don't mean St. Patrick's Day, although I took a pretty good swing at that as well.

And I don't mean the first Day of spring, although there was a connection.

I celebrated what I like to call "bf day!" The "bf" in this case standing for "boot free."

It was the first day since December that I was able to trot off to work wearing nothing but a simple pair of shoes.

After nearly four months of slogging along shod In a set of twenty-pound foot wear, it was sheer magic.

I felt like Muhammad Ali, or maybe Peter Pan.

Dancing over puddles, flitting from curb to curb, light as cotton on the wind.

It all stems from my childhood.

When I was but a lad back in 1952 bg - that's before Gortex - winter was a layered affair.

Before any winter sortie I was packed into a pair of long johns, top and bottom, two pairs of wool socks, a flannel shirt, lined blue jeans, a sweater, a hand-knit scarf, idiot mittens, a winter coat and a toque.

Then this monument to winter apparel was capped off by a pair of lined, rubber boots.

The boots fit over my shoes and had five sets of buckles each.

It took my mother both hands And four full minutes to tug them on.

My role in this was to lie on the floor like a miniature Canadian version of the Michelin man, stiffen my legs and try not to slide across the floor as my Mother heaved.

Occasionally out of boredom with the whole process I would let myself go limp.

By the time my mother had completed the task she would be at her wits end and I would have slid into the dining room.

Now, the boots were designed to stay buckled for about three minutes.

At which time anywhere from two to four of the five would pop open.

Since it was physically impossible, dressed as I was, to bend more than eight degrees in any direction, I either had to let my boots fill with snow or pound on the door until my mother arrived to re-buckle.

Over the years things haven't improved much.

I've tried Kodiaks, Sorels, and Timber something.

I've had rubber, leather, nylon, even deer hide.

I have had lace-ups, single buckle, double buckle, sipper, velcro and slip-ons.

But they're still boots.

They're heavy, cumbersome, And still give me the feeling of being that kid I left behind so many years ago.

And besides, my Mother won't help me put them on any more.

So let's hear it for "bf day" and boot-free Canadians everywhere.