TIM BELFORD

Notes from the Bread Man

I love bread. I always have.

I like the texture. The smell when it's fresh from the oven.

It doesn't really matter what kind. Whole wheat, white, pumpernickel, rye raisin bread, each has it's time and place.

Over the years i've tried making my own with mixed results.

My first attempt apparently used too much flour.

As a result the loaves, which turned out about six inches long and four high, weighed in at approximately twelve pounds each.

Too much yeast had the opposite effect.

The result was bread that was as light and fluffy as a summer breeze.

It also turned to fine, grainy crumbs when I sliced it.

When I tried to spread a little peanut butter on it I ended up with something the consistency of a rice crispy square.

I have had bread collapse into itself like a Saguenay sink hole.

I have had it come out with a centre like a Twinky.

I have it on good authority that two loaves I once made are still being used as door stoppers by friends.

Over the years i've sought advice from those in the inner circle.

One elderly woman I once met was in the habit of whipping up six or eight loaves at a time,

She'd been doing it since her mother taught her sixty-five years earlier.

Her bread, of course, turned out perfect.

I asked her secret. And she replied, "you have to knead it until it looks like ice cream inside."

Now, I don't know if she meant the hand-churned ice cream of her childhood or just the everyday store bought Sealtest.

But I can tell you this. I tried kneading my bread until it looked like everything but Neapolitan and it still didn't work.

As a matter of fact I had just about given up. But then the love of my life - always sensitive to life's little frustrations - stepped in.

She bought me the "all-in-one pro automatic bread maker."

Complete with instructions and recipes for thirty-six different types of loaves.

And now it's just a matter of add the ingredients, throw the switch and wait.

A perfect loaf every time.

And no, I don't know if it looks like ice cream inside when the machine finishes kneading.

But then, who cares?