TIM BELFORD

Ah, the charmed life of the Royals

Now that Camilla is soon to be one of the merry wives of Windsor, I guess it all right to step in where angels fear to tread.

I hesitate to use her soon-to-be title, Princess Consort. It sounds far too much like a name that would be better suited to the four-door version of the British Vauxhall. Or maybe the latest in bedside telephones.

Anyway, with the nuptials set for April 8th, I was surprised To see a high-ranking member of the Anglican church calling pn Prince Chuck to apologize for breaking up Camilla's happy marriage.

According to Bishop David Stancliffe, Church rules say Charlie should atone for committing adultery and say he's sorry to Andrew Parker Bowles.

Bishop Stancliffe should know about these things since he's billed as an authority on rules of worship.

He says the apology should include "making good of any hurts, the restoration of relationships and serious attention being paid to the relationships fractured or damaged by misconduct."

Perhaps the good bishop should check the guest list for the wedding.

The relationships seem to have already healed nicely since Andrew Parker Bowles and his present wife will be front and centre.

The former couple's two children will be there as well.

If, what the bishop calls the "fracture and damage," were any more healed Andy Parker Bowles would be giving the bride away.

Besides, I'm not so sure a forced apology is such a good Idea. After all, we live in a world where the redress of grievances is a major industry.

Where would it all end?

If the royal family starts apologizing for past behaviour the queen could end up with a bad case of writer's cramp.

Just about every king - and queen - for the past thousand years spent much of their time hopping from four-poster to four-poster.

Her majesty would likely need a form letter.

Dear (fill in the appropriate name) I would like to apologize for my (name an ancestor) sleeping with your (wife, sister, mother, cousin, son-in-law, whatever).

I am truly sorry if it resulted in the loss of your ( here you could enter the appropriate item . . . family, title, estates, head etc.).