TIM BELFORD

You're nobody without your ID

In a world where plastic and identification is everything, the worst possible thing is to lose your wallet or your purse.

Which is exactly what I did last week.

One minute I had it, the next it was gone. The frustrating thing was that I could pin down the moment almost to the minute.

I took it out at the bank and by the time I walked back to the office it had disappeared.

The one good thing was I didn't have any money in it.

This was the only good thing.

My first task was to cancel my credit cards of which there were two.

When I informed the woman at Master Card within the hour, she actually praised me for being so quick.

She pointed how much damage could be done in a short time if the card fell into the wrong hands.

Then she looked at the spending limit and my balance and realized how little damage actually could have been done.

At this point I pressed my luck.

I mentioned that I was supposed to go on a holiday the next day and asked if there was any way to get a replacement card.

After she stopped laughing she assured me I'd have a new card waiting for me when I got back.

I cancelled the Sears card next. I was relieved to hear that no one had purchased a fridge or stove.

And then it was on to the bank cards and a whole series of new pin numbers.

Now, if you're like me, if you don't use it for your birthday or your spouse's birthday or your wedding anniversary, you forget the pin the next day.

And since I had to change them all, it meant transposing numbers I'd already used.

Which should be fun when I try to use the cards for the first time.

Canceling my Bell Calling Card was, as you can imagine, a treat.

Since, as the recorded voice said, my business is important to them it only took twenty minutes of the usual press one for, press two for etc.

But the piece de resistance was trying to obtain a new driver's license.

I told the young lady at the counter what had happened. She asked me for some identification.

I pointed out again that I had lost my wallet and thus had no identification.

She suggested several possible cards that I might use. I slowed my speech down and repeated I h.a.v.e n.o i.d.e.n.t.i.f.i.c.a.t.i.o.n.

We were at an impasse.

What about a Hydro Quebec bill?

Since I have just moved and haven't been billed yet that was out.

I offered bank statements from three different banks.

She countered with a demand for a phone bill, which of course was at home.

So off I went.

I returned one half hour later with a phone bill and - just for good measure - a copy of my baptismal certificate, an old marriage license, and a certificate of scholarity from the Ministry of Education.

These, she assured me, would be fine. There'd just be a few questions.

My Social Insurance number? My last address? The address before that? The address before that? My date of birth?

At this juncture I pointed out that I just wanted a replacement driver's licence, not security clearance to attend the G8 summit.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I got my license and am now officially a person again.

What I can't understand is that Canada is always cited as an easy mark for criminals and terrorists looking for phony i.d.

Obviously, they get it before they move here. And all I can say is they better not lose it once they arrive.