TIM BELFORD

New moves for the Our Thing gang

Pity the poor mafia. Things just aren't the same any more.

When the first mafiosi got together in the last century, Sicilian thugs took a certain pride in their work.

"Omerta," the code of silence, was sacrosanct. Shooting someone's wife and children was considered off limits.

There was respect for the chain of command. Soldiers took orders from capos, capos from dons.

Everybody got a piece of the pie, according to their position in the organization.

But it all fell apart when Sicily moved to New York.

It didn't take long for your average wise guy to realize tradition was fine but good old-fashioned American entrepreneurship was better. In a certain sense, the likes of Al Capone and Lucky Luciano invented the "hostile takeover" with emphasis on "hostile."

Loyalty suffered as well.

Nobody wanted to be too close to the guy above him, especially if the boss was likely to end up eating ten pounds of lead along with his linguini.

When Joe Valachi started to sing like a bird to the Feds back in 1963, you knew it was over.

Joe was followed by others including Salvatore "Sammy the Bull" Gravano whose testimony put away Gambino family head John Gotti.

Well, according to a recent FBI report, the mafia has had it.

Just like any other Forbes 500 corporation, the cosa nostra has decided to spend a bundle on recruiting.

The bosses are now looking for bright young prospects who not only know the business but respect the traditions.

So it's off to Palermo, the Harvard of organized crime.

Not only are they looking for homegrown extortionists and hit men, they're apparently also running student exchange trips.

This way, American-born would-be Michael Corleones can pick up the essential traditions: the wrapping of dead fish, garroting, usury, how to correctly place a horse head in a bed.

Can't you just picture it now?

The proud parents watching as each graduate steps forward kisses the dean's - make that the don's - ring.

Fathers and mothers smiling as their boy receives his first lupo - the sawed off shotgun preferred on the island of Sicily.

The awarding of prizes: the Meyer Lansky cup for outstanding promise in the area of offshore accounting.

The Genovese scholarship for graduate work in a Columbian jungle of your choice.

The Bonano mathematics award for the calculation of compounded daily interest.

It's kind of nice in this day and age finding a group that's moving ahead without abandoning its past.