TIM BELFORD

US Military Intelligence strikes again

Do you ever wonder how close to real life the movie version of Spy-dom is?

Are there really all those covert operatives running around out there with neat decoder rings, hi-tech listening devices, and perfect, skin-like latex face masks?

Something tells me there's a lot more "Get Smart" agent 99 types than there are MI6 James Bonds.

Take for instance the United States Military Intelligence Unit.

A recent report uncovered by the associated press points out that the US Military was all in a lather a while back over the Canadian quarter.

Not just any quarter though. This was the one the Canadian Mint put out in 2004 to commemorate Canada's 117,000 war dead.

It was a regular quarter, you may remember, but in the middle there was a red poppy inlaid over a maple leaf.

And therein lies the problem. Apparently, a US Army contractor working in Canada found one of the coins in the cup holder of a rent-a-car.

Immediately alerted by the absence of George Washington's face and the presence of the strange red centre, he contacted his superiors.

According to his report, probably delivered under the cone of silence, he described the coin as ". . .filled with something man made that looked like nano-technology."

Now I'm not sure I've ever come across a coin that wasn't man-made but that's another story entirely.

He went on to describe the coin.

"It did not appear to be electronic in nature or have a power source . . . under high power microscope, it appeared to be complex consisting of several layers of clear, but different material with a wire-like mesh on top."

Obviously, the US Military was not familiar with the innovative and revolutionary process known only to Canadians called lamination.

Rather than designed to send radio signals it was manufactured in this way to keep the poppy red and to keep it from falling out as had been the case with the polar bear in the toonie.

Undeterred, the boys and girls in "military intelligence," obviously the "jumbo shrimp" of the spy world, issued a warning that mysterious coins with radio frequency transmitters were found planted on US contractors with classified security clearance at various times in 2005 and 2006.

Who needs one of those bulky i-Pods?

If the Canadian Mint and its version of 'Q' can do that sort of thing, it makes you wonder what else they've got up their sleeve, or in the till, so to speak.

I got my handy-dandy, official spy magnifying glass out and took a good look at the toonie.

I'd never noticed before but if you look closely there appears to be a wire running from the polar bear's right hind foot to the silver rim of the coin. Could it be a micro-circuit? Could we all be walking around with a miniature homing device in our pocket?

Is Leger Marketing involved in the development of some subversive, diabolical new polling device on behalf of the Harper government?

What will happen now?

Will the US Defense Security Service demand not only our passports at the border or will we have to empty our pockets and leave our change on the counter?

I don't know. I'd write them a letter to complain but I can't remember whether the director's name is Maxwell Smart or Frank Drebin.