TIM BELFORD

Whither Post-election Quebec?

So, the Quebec elections are over and what have we got?

Well, a cursory glance at the statistics would indicate some clear voter trends.

First, about 25 percent of the population wants to give Jean Charest another chance to fulfill all the promises he made during the last election.

They will also want him to fulfill all the promises he made in this election as well..

Of course that means he'll need a third term.

Second, about 25 percent of the population thinks Andre Boisclair would make a good premier as long as he gives up his video career.

Third, about 25 percent of the population thinks Mario Dumont is the MNA for Herouxville and that he'd finally solve the declining birth rate by moving stay-at-home moms into the upper middle class by paying them to keep the kids at home.

Finally, 25 percent of the population either thinks everyone should have a windmill in their own back yard, or, the best way to cure poverty is to tax companies out of business, or, there's actually no point in voting at all anyway.

I tell you, the mind boggles.

Things may yet change dramatically.

If you listen carefully you can probably hear the members of the broken-back party carving a rail for separatist Andre Boisclair's ride out of town.

As for Mr. Charest, the old adage holds true, "success has many parents, failure is an orphan.&quiot;

Captain Canada, and the one-time saviour of the Liberal Party, may actually have to practice law.

Meanwhile, Mario Dumont will have to spend the next three months just learning the names of his caucus. No mean trick when you replace two or three candidates during the election itself.

So class, what have we learned from this lesson?

• The pollsters margin of error should be plus or minus 20 percent, 19 times out of twenty.

• Beware the Joe Clark Principle which says spending your entire life as a professional politician doesn't necessarily make you gaffe-free.

• Balancing you head on you chin doesn't make for a good photo op for a campaign poster.

• Wearing a veil may just mean you're ashamed to be caught voting.

• Spending 22 hours a day in a 43-seat bus touting your environmental record is as close to a political oxymoron as you are going to get.

• After six of 104 polling stations report in, three votes is not a commanding lead.

• Being a political analyst merely means you're better at hiding your confusion than the average voter.

• The Rhinoceros Party was a valuable and sorely missed addition to the Quebec political scene..

• Six weeks is still way too long for an election campaign.

  10. The best thing all the parties could do now for the environment is to save all those posters for the next election in October.

  Anyway, life goes on and the jockeying begins.