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Log Cabin Chronicles
Archived Columns (2)
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Slain Quebec cop part of an impressive bunch of youngsters (580)
Officer Valerie Gignac's photograph was on the front page, her face full of ideals, full of hope, and full of the future. I felt like I knew her.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Some holiday advice (mostly bad) (680)
This week, I answer some of your holiday-related questions. And to Mrs. Post of Cookshire, QC: No, I will not say a personal hello to your kitty.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
QC's L'Allier takes a bow (840 words)
Samuel de Champlain died in the little settlement of Quebec on Christmas Day in 1635. Two years earlier, he had returned from a four-year sojourn in France to find a colony left in disarray and peril by England's invading Kirke brothers.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Canada's Powder Puff Derby 2005 (690)
Criticism of the recent All Leaders Debate in Canada has been fast and furious. Why are Canadians of either official language choosing Gil Grissom and CSI over the country's political elite?
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
It's barely rock 'n' roll but kids love it (690)
After three acts and two gratuitous F-words (hey, c'mon, there are kids in the house!), Simple Plan burst onstage with sirens, flashing red lights and a blinding strobe. The mother two seats over covered her eyes - probably suffering flashbacks from a 1976 Grateful Dead concert.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
There's gold in them thar' Quebec hills (600 words)
Goldcorp is also banking on the price of gold continuing its dazzling climb towards record levels and beyond, to what some analysts say could approach the previously unthinkable $1,000 an ounce mark. With Eleonore containing as much as 10 million ounces, Goldcorp can do the math.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
These are not Girl Scout Cookies, dearie (480 words)
A good cup of coffee can go along way towards helping you make it through a dark winter day. Personally, I hit the wall at about 3:00 in the afternoon as the season of diminished light progresses.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
On preventing colds by sneezing into the inside of your elbow (660)
It's somewhat unnerving when something you've been doing all your life turns out to be incorrect, obsolete, or at very least pooh-poohed. I remember feeling this way when I learned that throwing spaghetti against the wall was not an effective test for doneness.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Keep one card, destroy all others (800 words)
Random Acts of Observation by Dr. Anonymous.
Got your Air Miles card handy? The good doctor is annoyed by the proliferation of membership cards. Remember, you'll never know where you'll find the good doctor. Perhaps in line behind you at WalMart. Dining at the neighboring table. Returning a corked bottle of wine to the local supermarket. Stumbling out of the dentist's chair. But whereever the good doctor perambulates, rest assured that all five senses will be focused on the immediate experience and ready to assimilate any tainted data for another random act of observation...
Quebec's secessionists still 'addicted' to referendums (570)
Cocaine is a good metaphor for the whole PQ trip. It will make you nervous, hyper, and reckless. You will run up a huge debt you can never pay for and talk about how you will do things that everyone else knows you will never do.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Drop everything and put on a good broth (460 words)
There they were. A gaggle of coughing and spewing souls, waiting their turn to see the Doc. As I flipped through a sticky and ancient germ-laden Better Homes and Garden magazine I considered the age-old notion of chicken soup as a preventative and restorative measure against dreaded viruses.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Rattling the gilded cage in Quebec (760 words)
The hardest part about being a lieutenant governor, says Gilles Lamontagne, is being discreet.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Where there's a Will there's a Notary (665)
There was no particular epiphany that prompted us finally to say, "Let's do it." We happened to be in a notary's office for another matter and as we were preparing to leave he asked, "By the way, do you have a will?"
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Another minority government in Canada? (460)
That's right. Another federal election and the candidates are campaigning for all they're worth. But this time not even the boys in Las Vegas can handicap this race.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
All the scam artists aren't from Nigeria, eh? (500 words)
Random Acts of Observation by Dr. Anonymous.
You'll never know where you'll find the good doctor. Perhaps in line behind you at WalMart. Dining at the neighboring table. Returning a corked bottle of wine to the local supermarket. Stumbling out of the dentist's chair. But whereever the good doctor perambulates, rest assured that all five senses will be focused on the immediate experience and ready to assimilate any tainted data for another random act of observation...
Hockey and politics mix in Quebec (680 words)
There was a time not that long ago when calling the Montreal Canadiens "the Habs" would have been considered about as politically incorrect or downright racist as uttering any other ethnic slur.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Steak fit for royalty (600 words)
Shiraz Filet Mignon Steaks: Make sure you get cooking before you get into the wine too much as we have noticed that abilities in the process can be influenced somewhat (hic!).
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Will the real jerk please hang up (700)
I was already kind of cranky when the phone rang at suppertime. I was in the mood to mess with someone. "Hello?" I answered. Then there was that tell-tale pause that occurs just before someone at a call centre says "Good evening, could I speak to Mr. Murray, please?"
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Talk about ad scamming (500)
I don't know about you but nothing gets my goat quite as much as being taken for a fool.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Premiers Klein and Charest twinned on health care (730 words)
Jean Charest and Ralph Klein get along just fine. When the latter paid a visit this week to the former in Quebec City, it was smiles all around as they toasted each other's health - and each other's stand on health care policy.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
My lesson in civic democracy (590)
I am back, dear reader, after running for a city council spot in my district of Beaconsfield, Quebec. As Citizen Blue, I was embedded in the election process. I dipped my toes in the great democra-sea. But I did not win.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
I oughta be in pictures or, Movie Star moi (730)
The film opens in an East Coast town (the seedy section, the part without any Tim Hortons). We see a tenement surrounded by squalor. There might be rats, we're not sure...
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The loneliness of old kitchen tools (570 words)
I'm living in a kitchen gadget nightmare and I've got enough tools and appliances to run a commercial kitchen. Here's the thing…
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Vermontifornia (670 words)
Please be aware that the country of Vermontifornia will be pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue States citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
PQ leaders: Four murders and a suicide (700 words)
If the Parti Quebecois behaves true to form, Boisclair might be looking for work sooner rather than later. For it is the lot of PQ leaders -- every single one of Boisclair's five predecessors -- to suffer an inelegant political demise.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
There's a song in my heart -- and that's where it's staying (670)
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just started belting it out, the way I do in the shower or when I want to embarrass my children in the grocery store by singing along with the piped-in Phil Collins.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Stanstead, Quebec's new Granite Museum (900)
If all the bits and pieces fall into place, Stanstead's new granite promotion center will open for business before Christmas.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Passport to adventure or Strange GOP Ways
The blind fakirs of India, the Filipino zealots who hang themselves from hooks, and the tribesman on Mongolia who play polo with a dead goat have nothing over the people of this country who vote Republican.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Sisterhood is powerful - unlikely 'sisters' Boucher and Bourget rule Quebec City (730 words)
It's not often voters get to cast a ballot for mayor and opposition leader at the same time.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Off my back and out of my kitchen (580 words)
Our government knows on which side its bread is buttered. Headlines this week reveal yet another round of haggling about the sale of colored margarine in Quebec and I say palms are being greased.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
How I fixed the kitchen faucet and washed the kitchen floor before my wife got home from work and won! (670)
Back home, I shut the hot water off, unscrewed the tap, and removed the cartridge. The tap was in bad shape. The metal around the base had eroded and something was crumbling around the cartridge. It was either a cork washer or years of accumulated gunk - plumbing toe jam.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Influenzas
Last week, my local Vermont paper published its first annual list of Windham County's "Influential People." "I" wasn't included.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec scandal lassoes Matane bull (800 words)
The former political giant in Quebec now finds himself ousted for life from the party that begged him for help in forbidden regions of Quebec, caught up - with certain complicity, according to Gomery - in a web of illegal campaign financing flowing from the sponsorship program.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Nervous voter, not dead yet (520)
A lot can go wrong between my house and the voting booth. I could end up dead. Don't laugh. It happens.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Two twisted tales of terribleness (730)
"What can I get ya?" the one-legged waitress asked Jim and Sue as they settled at the Midonowhere Truck Stop.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
New PQ leader stuck with party's Unilateral Declaration of Independence plan (730 words)
In other words a unilateral declaration of independence (UDI). No "formal offer to Canada for a new economic and political partnership," as proposed in the 1995 referendum question. No mandate to negotiate an agreement with the rest of Canada to be approved in another referendum, as the 1980 referendum question promised.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
It's Halloween (400 words)
I can remember when gummies did not exist. I also remember when they hit the scene and there was nary a sour version to be found. Now, as an adult I'll admit to liking such concoctions and I suspect that if you purchase any candy at all for giving out on Halloween night, that you buy versions that you like. Leftover licorice Nibs anyone?
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Get stickered, be happy (650)
If you have received a sticker, you have passed the morning without major incident - no tantrums, no biting, no flicking rolled up balls of dried Elmer's Glue and yelling "Boogers!"
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
(600)
Well, misterman, I was so friggin' pleased when I read how well Google is doing these days. I've never liked being screwed without being kissed, but in Google's case I'm making an exception.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
A Parliament of Pinheads
My, my, my ain't there just a heap of trouble in our little Nazi paradise on Pennsylvania Avenue? The chickens are coming home to roost in big ugly squadrons and they are bringing bird flu with them.
Jim Austin does not believe in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec Lucidites sound 'frozen in the status quo' alarm (700 words)
It's not considered politically correct to refer to Quebec society as a tribe - tribu - because it makes it sound insular and exclusive. But there is a more positive aspect to the notion of tribe that Quebecers have borrowed from the original occupants of North America.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Waiter for a day (600 words)
Life can be full of challenges and this week I experienced one first hand. A couple of weeks back I was approached by CBC-TV to participate in a series that portrays regular folk attempting to rise to a variety of work challenges.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
In Canada, I would put the "excellent" into "excellency" (675)
By now, our new governor general has settled in at Rideau Hall and you will have hopefully figured out how to pronounce "Michaëlle." I'm sure you join me along with all Canadians in wishing her an excellent reign.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Some quiet, please! (535 words)
I live on a charming cul-de-sac, where the only noise is the delighted laughter of children playing outside. There are several dogs, but they don't bark much, and from spring through fall most of the sounds I hear outside are birds chirping. But everywhere else the noise level is almost intolerable. I'm not just talking about muscle cars with boom boxes reverberating for blocks, or annoying music in stores and elevators.
Barbara Floria Graham is the author of the 20th anniversary edition of Five Fast Steps to Better Writing and Mewsings/Musings. Her website: www.SimonTeaKettle.com.
Senior citizen rebel runs for Quebec city hall (760 words)
There's a bit of a rebel in the average Quebecer, if you hadn't noticed. That anti-establishment streak finds varied expressions, from marriage rates (low) to motorcycle ownership (high.)
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
For your health care - leeches and maggots and hookworms (495)
despite what our modern naturopaths say, a couple of aspirins or a Tylenol sure beats the old eye of newt and tongue of frog thing you find in Shakespeare.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Hip, fast-talking, and cool. Not. (580)
If you are a baby boomer, perhaps this has happened to you. You are watching the news on TV and an advertisement comes on for a product aimed right at you. But you are put off by the quick editing…
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Let us give thanks (630)
Bless this food before us: the turkey, the mashed potatoes, the squash, the peas, and the Jell-O salad with the cottage cheese. On behalf of the children present, bless the dog under the table who will slurp up the Jell-O salad with cottage cheese that they surreptitiously slip to it.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
How about a turkey curry for Thanksgiving dinner? (580 words)
Perhaps you have wondered why Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving In October while our American neighbors to the south do so in November.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Quebec stocking up on Maple Leafs (740 words)
It hasn't been easy being a Toronto Maple Leafs fan in Quebec. It's like having an embarrassing disease that you rarely discuss in polite company.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
School Daze (740)
"I'm going to school again?" she said excitedly after Day 2.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Seagulls, a new taste treat, eh? (570 words)
We have created a world whereby our fast-food waste helps the proliferation of a species that is of little nutritional value. Indeed, there was a time when a good feast of seagull could be had with no worries.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Red, red wine makes you feel so fine -- a toast to Quebec's Pinot Abitibi (760 words)
Surprisingly enough Quebec vineyards are beginning to grow themselves out of mockery into something the world seems prepared to taste without gagging.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Isn't it ironic… (550)
Consider this: Local music and poetry legend Leonard Cohen was recently robbed of his life's savings while he studied Buddhist philosophy. One of the pillars of Buddhism is that material possessions are impediments to cosmic consciousness.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
(640)
The price of gas and oil may be at heart-palpitating highs but there's no reason why we can't make the best of it. What say we turn this energy crisis into an energy Christmas?.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The All-new Fall 2005 TV Season (465)
I see the new television season has started. Well, all I can say is don't hold your breath.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Boisclair's substance abuse in Quebec (730 words)
Andre Boisclair has taken a lot of heat for his criminal substance abuse while serving as a Minister of the Crown. While questions remain about the circumstances of his cocaine consumption - which biker gang was his dealer, for one - some critics are saying the young pretender to the Parti Quebecois throne is just as guilty of lacking substance in terms of policy.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Intelligent Design is where you find it, eh? (590)
I was struck by how perfect it was. The air. The sky. The water. That intoxicating smell of the ocean.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Home is where the hard-liner is (675)
As members of Branch 142 of the CUPW (Consistently Unappreciated Parental Workers), your mother and I regret to inform you that the stalemate in parent-child negotiations leaves us no choice but to initiate pressure tactics throughout the household starting immediately.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Calling all Cookie Monsters (340 words)
While the old saying that "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" is appropriate, so is the following: "A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
The Deity Myth ()
I have a news flash for you all. The God of the Bible, the Koran and the Torah does not exist. We made him up like the Easter Bunny, Feng Sui, and the Tooth Fairy.
Jim Austin does not believe in Putney, Vermont.
Conservative Harper still stymied in Quebec (725 words)
Even if Harper gets dumped, questions may still remain in Quebec about who a new leader would lead and what they stand for.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Free, at last (515)
I once actually knew a girl named Romanoff who, from an early age, became known as Noodles.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
A man on a mission statement (630)
Of course, it's not only business that can benefit from a strong mission statement. Personal growth can also be anchored by the positive energy and free-flowing cross-purposing that is the mission statement.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Film Review: Mad, Hot Ballroom (550 words)
In the New York City school system, where public schools are filled with recent immigrants and kids crammed into a small house or apartment they share with many relatives, many of the students are talking about dancing.
Barbara Floria Graham is the author of Five Fast Steps to Better Writing, Five Fast Steps to Low-Cost Publicity, and Mewsings/Musings
www.SimonTeaKettle.com.
QC weekly Stanstead Journal editor moves to daily Sherbrooke Record (195)
STANSTEAD, QC | Patrick Lavery, former editor of the Stanstead Journal, has joined the reporting team at the daily Sherbrooke Record. He was the fourth editor at the 160-year-old community newspaper in the past two years.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
I know a secret garden… (570 words)
There is a secret garden here on Montreal's West Island that rivals large outdoor produce markets in varieties of good organic and exotic veggies and fruits. Melons, peaches, pears, apricots, figs, sweet and hot peppers, exotic cross-bred tomatoes, asparagus, rare Japanese cucumbers, beans, squash and pumpkin, cabbages and potatoes are thriving here at harvest time.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
No horses lost (725)
For two days after Katrina hit our President remained on vacation in Crawford, Texas, with nothing to do but ignore Cindy Sheehan. While he was mountain biking the people of the Gulf Coast were dying. His government's corruption and incompetence has set a standard by which all future tin pot political slimeballs will be measured.
Jim Austin suffers, but not silently, in Putney, Vermont.
Labor eruptions threaten Quebec (685 words)
The unions say they need 12.5 over three years, retroactive to October, 2003, not including pay equity, plus resolution of a string of other issues. That's comes to approximately twice as much as the government has put on the table, or three billion dollars.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
And just where do old dryers go when they die? (665)
I kept hoping someone would just drive up and take it. In fact, we had a knock on the door one evening from someone asking us if the dryer worked.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
How to deal with an eggplant (485 words)
In various parts of Europe, people suspected that eating eggplant caused madness, not to mention leprosy, cancer, and bad breath, which is why eggplant was used mostly for decoration in England and the North America nearly up to the 20th century.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Passenger safety at Air Canada (490)
Air Canada announced it will be returning proper cutting tools to its dinner plates as of September 15.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
The dog days of August (640)
So two Saturdays ago, we headed to the SPA and entered the Sucker Room (my name, not theirs), where all the dogs looked up at us eagerly from their cages as if to say, "Pick me, pick me. I'm the type of dog they write epic poems about. I'll bring your slippers. If you don't have slippers, I'll steal you some."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Hockey in QC: daring to dream (755 words)
In the decade since the Nords split, the economy of the Quebec City has diversified considerably, and while it is still a government and university town, there is new entrepreneurial blood that might be coaxed into a Colisée project.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
A corny end to summer (475 words)
What if I challenged you to eat 1600 kernels of corn? You'd guffaw, most likely.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
If it can go wrong, it will -- just wait a while… (700)
Think you had a bad week? Did your car break down or did an important e-mail come back undeliverable? Well that ain't nothin'.
Jim Austin suffers, but not silently, in Putney, Vermont.
No jokes needed - Quebec's Tongue Troopers make fools of themselves (600)
They are forcing The Monkland Tavern to vandalize a 50-year-old 'Tavern' sign that won a heritage award. Even though there is already one side in French, the English side has to go. So, the Monkland will have to trash the old sign and put up a brand new one, exactly the same except with an 'e' at the end of the word 'tavern'.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
RETURN OF THE BRANCH MANAGER (600)
FOOL'S HOLLOW, QUEBEC | Jim Jory is 80 now, but he's still a good man to have on your side when you have tree problem.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
PQ's Tennisman Legendre ready to serve (700 words)
It is not beyond reason that the former tennis star could be the next leader of the Parti Quebecois and premier of Quebec.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Quit squirming and read this (650)
I would like to pretend that I'm a slow reader because I mull over every word and ponder thematic implications and character motivation. Truth is, like many slow readers, I'm just plain fidgety.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Bond. James Bond, that's who… (535)
One of my favorite characters in the James Bond movies is Q. He's the guy who runs the department that comes up with all the neat, nasty stuff like exploding pens and magnetic watches with built-in buzz saws.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
I know what you did last summer… (480 words)
You planted garlic didn't you? Now, just when it would be time to reap your bounty you may have come up empty handed.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Quebec punkers rock the world (720 words)
The current international success of Simple Plan underscores the music renaissance now underway in Montreal, which publications like Rolling Stone, Spin, and the New York Times earlier this year proclaimed as the new world capital of rock.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Water woes can't be solved by individuals alone (530 words)
Over the past five years I've gradually removed all the grass from my front and back yards, replacing it with low-maintenance ground cover, river stone, gravel paths, and mulch around perennial beds.
Barbara Floria Graham is the author of Five Fast Steps to Better Writing, Five Fast Steps to Low-Cost Publicity, and Mewsings/Musings
www.SimonTeaKettle.com.
I say, choose Canada's Head of State by - what else? - a lottery (580)
When I was in Cuba, the woman behind the money-changing counter asked me: "Please don't be offended, but why do you have the British Queen on your money? I don't understand. That would be like having the King of Spain on our money," she laughed, enjoying the absurdity of it.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
All together now, in a straight line… (470)
Just when you think our happy little fonctionnaires deserve the gold medal for bureaucratic bilge, something pops up that makes you happy to be a Quebecer.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Future Canadian Governor General's slave ancestors changed history (690 words)
"I have come a long way. My ancestors were slaves."
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Part2: There's Niagara on the Lake and then there's the other place (700)
A lot of people visit Notul every day, in every month of the year, and many of them are very tanned and very cool looking, and speak in many tongues.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Hot Yoga Redux (630)
I have lost 18 pounds in the past few months and I'm still closer to Jupiter that Mercury but I don't have to use the toilet brush to wash my feet anymore.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Nuke the zukes (680)
Why stress over planting a garden only to fret about eating it all? The only reason I can figure is that a garden is one less patch of grass to mow.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
There's Niagara on the Lake and then there's the other place (1000)
A lot of people visit Notul every day, in every month of the year, and many of them are very tanned and very cool looking, and speak in many tongues.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Is there a fish more coveted than salmon? (620 words)
Atlantic salmon is touted as the best in many circles, depending on which side of the pond you reside and I even found some at the market here saddled up next to its western cousin. It's hard to differentiate species by looks alone, unless you are a frequent and experienced salmon eater.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
It ain't over in Saudi Arabia, eh? (750)
Of the twenty leaders of the house of Saud since 1745, three have been assassinated, one executed, three deposed, one captured by enemies, two simply lost control and one, obviously seeing the writing on the wall, fled.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Jacques Francoeur no ordinary news baron (700 words)
Francoeur led a remarkable life that came to an abrupt end at age 80. He had been at one time among the select group of the most powerful newspaper owners in the province.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Listen to your mother, kid (700)
OGDEN, QC | James emerged from the water at Weir Park with blood streaming down his face. Not heeding the wisdom of mothers since time immemorial, he and a friend had been hurling mud at each other.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream (520 words)
If there were ever a time for ice cream it would be right now. These sticky weeks have prompted many trips to the store for frozen treats and the tab is adding up.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Naked came the strangers (600)
Apparently my fellow basker had opened his eyes and there, passing before him, were two young ladies wearing only what God in his wisdom had given them.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
How to spot a Quebec Anglophone (560)
If you can drive your car in rush hour while applying make-up, shifting gears, talking on a cellphone, honking the horn, and flipping someone the bird all at the same time, you could be a Quebec Anglo.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
A.P. Low - Canadian Iron Man Explorer (900 words)
For the past few weeks a team of four paddlers, outfitted with modern equipment and technology, have been retracing the route plotted along the Denys River in Northern Quebec by a little-known man who has been called one of Canada's greatest explorers.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Pre-paid gambling - it's a Quebec thing, dear ones (630)
The thing I hate about buying lottery tickets is the tedious wait in line at the store behind people buying unimportant stuff like food for their family. When I want to throw my money away on the faint hope of fortune, I want to throw it away now!
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Burning Issue (680)
Didn't I tell you? Didn't I say, "Don't get me started on that flag burning issue?"
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Sing me a song of trouts (400 words)
I've been known to worship the art of angling. When asked if I golf, the inevitable answer has always been that it interferes with fishing. Last week, accompanied by some fellow anglers, I tickled a few trout on a very hot day. Who says trout don't bite in the middle of the afternoon?
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Quebec and the next Governor General of Canada (670 words)
Assuming that a prime minister would not willingly risk offending people in a province where he badly needs to rebuild his party, the pressure would seem to be on Martin to name a francophone Quebecer as the new occupant of Rideau Hall and The Citadel.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
So you want to coach kids' baseball (660)
Based on my experience, all you need to coach 7- to 9-year-olds is this phrase: "You can do it." If you can say this and know your players by name (as in "You can do it, [child's name]" or possibly "Tu es capable, [nom d'enfant]") you're already qualified.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Consider the humble lentil (450 words)
The Lentil is most likely the oldest cultivated legume, and is believed to be native to southwestern Asia, perhaps northern Syria. Seeds have been found in Egyptian tombs dating from the 12th Dynasty (2400 B.C.), and there is also evidence of their cultivation as early as 6000 B.C.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Sir Sponge Bob and the 'anti-poverty' Musical Elite (580)
Now they can proudly say: No. Wait a minute. This is the real me - the saint who wants to end world poverty! That naked, coke sniffing, whiskey drinking, pussy hound you saw prowling the strip last night was someone else.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Day of the Fanatic (700)
Given all the terrorist activities around the world, combined with Britain's involvement in the war in Iraq, wouldn't you think that the first priority of the government would be to infiltrate the Muslim community?Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Itchy Septuagenarian encounters the Texas Chigger (670 words)
A heretofore unblemished waistline, though definitely expanded from yesteryear's Skinny Minnie, turned into a Texas Chigger's ball park, or a mating linedance.
Beverly Barrett writes in her native state of Texas.
Canadian iron ore boom looms (800 words)
The project foresees mining the ore and turning it into concentrate slurry at the Labrador site and then pumping it through a pipeline that follows the rail line south some 640-km to Sept Iles where it would be drained and turned into pellets at a new plant.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Family DVD Night or "No, YOU pass the popcorn!" (560)
The following is a transcript of a typical DVD-rental night in the Murray house. Present are two adults and four children, the youngest of which probably shouldn't be watching this selection anyway since it's PG13 but hopefully she's too young to be scarred by it.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The rich get richer (550 words)
"Greed has been severely underestimated and denigrated - unfairly so in my opinion. There is nothing wrong with avarice as a motive as long as it doesn't lead to dishonest or anti-social conduct."
Barbara Floria Graham is the author of Five Fast Steps to Better Writing, Five Fast Steps to Low-Cost Publicity, and Mewsings/Musings
www.SimonTeaKettle.com.
A homegrown Canadian crisp (660 words)
Québécois separatists beware; this column is peppered and flavoured with patriotic flag-waving commentary and uses references to a proud Canadian federation of ten provinces and three territories.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Quebec protester's summer begins badly (690 words)
Philadelphia's District Attorney Lynne Abraham famously said if she could have charged Beaulieu with murder, she would have. Philly, it seems, is the wrong place to douse a cop with water.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Panoply of extremism (690)
So how do you feel now about voting for Bush? People in Florida, Ohio, and Connecticut who decided to swing over to the Republican side, are you happy with your decision? The country hasn't been this screwed up since the Civil War.
Jim Austin hits, catches, and chases balls in Putney, Vermont.
Pity the unhandyman (690)
As "helpers" go, he's the best. But there are few things more emasculating than mishandling power tools in front of another man.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Flaming Fajitas (525 words)
There is a run on propane and fruit stands are appearing roadside. Grilling meats fly off the shelf and barbecue manufacturers are rejoicing at our recent lucky spell of weather.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Montreal's West Islanders have a lot of balls (570)
Everyone seems to be involved in sweaty physical exertion of some sort, seeking health and longevity. And beauty. God, we have some good-looking people out here. All blond and tanned and fit. And that's just the seniors.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
The Great Canadian Short Story of Canadiana for Canada Day (775)
"Lord tunderin'!" Alistair cried as he took a mouthful of steaming maple-and-pemmican soup. "She's some hot!"
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Boisclair spoils Marois' Quebec party (720 words)
A recent poll bears out Boisclair's astronomical savvy. That CROP-La Presse survey asking Quebecers who best could lead the PQ to victory showed the 39-year-old, proudly gay politician way ahead of Marois.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Ice Cider - Give this Quebec wonder a try (460 words)
Every now and then I discover something worth bragging about. My latest discovery is ice cider or plutot cidre de glace produced here in Quebec.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Gays: Marriage is no piece of cake, eh? (580)
Those who wish to maintain the traditional definition of marriage as between a man and a woman believe it is a biological and sacred trust endowed by our creator. Fertility is its purpose. Henry the Eighth proved this. He beheaded any wife who failed to produce an heir.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
O Canada born in a Quebec rink (720 words)
How strangely fitting that a country that celebrates two national holidays within the space of a week should have as a national anthem a tune composed by a religious mystic judge and a wounded Union army band veteran.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
How to catch trouts (225)
LENNOXVILLE, QC | Cause to have constructed a deep pond. Source it with constantly flowing cold, clean water. Stock it with speckled trout - locally, a loonie each at the hatchery.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Saving private robin (745)
The bird on the lawn Saturday afternoon was very much alive, hopping about and calling for its parents. The adult robins flitted about nervously, squawking frantically, like stockbrokers trying to dump Nortel.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Potato Salad Days (500 words)
What says summer more than potato salad? If you could identify the most frequent side dish served in the great outdoors, this common salad would definitely rank Number One in the world.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
In The Name Of The Father (580)
Tomorrow is the most important day of the year for many of us. It is a day when the unsung, the underappreciated, and the disrespected are finally able to bask in the sunshine.
Jim Austin basks in the bosom of his family in Putney, Vermont.
Makivik, an entrepreneurial Inuit marvel (800 words)
It seems odd that given the amazing dispersal of native peoples in North America that the ones known as the Inuit should have chosen to stay put in one of the most brutal and unforgiving environments on the planet.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
It's alphabet soup to moi, eh? (490)
Could it be we've got one too many acronyms? One too many SOPDIPS or MALPECS or cashdumps?
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Quebec's Bernard Landry: The Golden Years (660)
"It is not so important for our young people to have access to as many opportunities as possible. What is important is the collectivity and making sure it stays put. Besides, we have everything anyone could want right here. Only through isolation can we truly develop as a people."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
You say scallops, I say scawllops (505 words)
A trip Down East once taught me that you will be immediately identified as a visitor should you use an incorrect drawl when ordering this shellfish delight. You have to bone up on the local lingo when traveling.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Let's hear it for an Audible Anglo star (600)
And so now we Anglos who also speak French with an obvious accent - I was once harangued by an editor of La Presse with: "Yes, you speak French but you obviously don't live in French!" (the "You Anglo pig" was silent) - are encouraged.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
The accidental PQ leadership race (720 words)
You might call it the accidental leadership race. The contest to replace Bernard Landry is now underway amid reports that it never should have happened.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
And who shall be our Royal Highness? Just in case… (530)
If a federal election were held tomorrow probably the only safe liberal seat in the province would be Westmount....so, I guess it's about time to think the unthinkable and plan for an orderly separation.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Dear Tech Guy: My hard drive is soggy (720)
This week, I answer some of your computer-related questions. Why? Because Rule #1 of being a tech guy is pretending you know what you're doing, and in this regard I am vastly qualified.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Food Fare in the Not So Friendly Skies (530 words)
Flying on an airplane just isn't what it used to be. The good old days of rubber chicken and microwave apple crumble are a thing of the past, as I learned this past week.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Dance Lessons (665)
Lesson #2: When attending a wine-and-cheese, you quickly have your fill of cheese. Not so for the wine. Be warned.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Academicus Laudibilis (590)
We Austin's can trace our lineage back beyond Stephen Austin after whom Austin, Texas, was named. We go back to Ancient Rome and Emperor Augustine. Beyond that it gets a little hazy but there may have been an Austin involved in the early Druid movement. He was the guy who got paralyzed on mead and decided it would be a great idea to paint himself blue.
Jim Austin, a student of life, writes in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec's tender daycare trap (670 words)
Quebec's daycare program, even after Charest hiked the catchy five-dollar-a-day fee to $7, cost taxpayers $1.43 billion dollars last year.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
The Welsh, ah, the loving Welsh (500)
They actually carried out a survey of 918 Welsh males and found out that, after a decade, those who manage to get it on with their significant others the most had half the risk of death of those whose wife said "Not tonight dear, I have a headache.'"
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Remembering Mom's Salmon Burgers (500 words)
I remember not liking them much as a kid (sorry Mom) but recently for some strange reason I have been craving them. I love salmon and yet never asked Mom until recently for her recipe.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Ah, Belinda, we hardly knew ya (415)
Belinda has suddenly discovered she's Paul Martin's love child and actually believes in fiscal conservatism and same-sex marriages.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
The dryer with something extra (700)
We got it home and stuck it in the basement. Phew! Still kind of stinky. The next morning, a horrible thought popped into my head: "Wait a minute. I know that smell. That's not a cat smell. That's a dead-thing smell!"
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
PQ prepares battle plan (790 words)
This gathering of the secessionist clans is particularly important because the PQ, looking at the dark cloud over Jean Charest's Liberals, believes it is on the cusp of power and needs to prepare in earnest for that eventuality.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
hot_yoga (745)
When I first heard "Hot Yoga" mentioned I thought it was something you might see on the Spice Channel starring that Star Wars character.
Jim Austin is getting bent into shape in Putney, Vermont.
Falafel Days (420 words)
The primary ingredient is chickpeas and many recipes call for soaking the dry versions overnight. I cheat and use canned when making them by hand but one can really save time by using perfectly acceptable dried mixes available everywhere in the ethnic foods section of your grocery.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Politics: It's about stuffing envelopes, eh? (700)
Much to my shame I have to confess I've been on the receiving end of the cash-stuffed liberal envelope. I've been part of the sleeze. I wallowed in the mud with the best of them.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
A previous Canadian minority scenario (830 words)
Your scribe happened to be in Ottawa the last time a minority government faced a nay-or-yea, do-or-die budget vote. Back in December of '79, it was, by cracky, when that young whipper-snapper Joe Clark let that crafty Pierre Trudeau back in.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
CIA? No way, it's CEO that's hot (500)
But what really gets my goat is that CEOs come up third. You have to think that here sex and money do make for a winning combination. After all how else could you explain Conrad Black or Donald Trump?
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
All you need to know about lobsters, eh? (400 words)
You can determine the sex of a live lobster by locating the small feelers behind the rear legs, right under the tail. On male lobsters, the feelers are hard, while on female lobsters, they are soft.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
The Harper-Duceppe e-mails (630)
I mean, look at the way it seems our heads are leaning together like we're about to share an intimate man-on-man moment. Disgusting (no offence). All we were doing, you'll recall, was conspiring to put the Martin government out of its misery.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
New Quebec separatist budget, same ridicule (800 words)
It wasn't supposed to be this way for Francois Legault. Were it not for Liberal Premier Jean Charest's stubborn unpopularity, the former airline executive turned Parti Quebecois star probably would be poised right now to plunge the dagger into the aging Caesar Bernard Landry, and seize the party crown.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Have some fun ~ eat some chili (400 words)
Worldwide chili cook-offs and national chili clubs are proof of chili's popularity and there are as many versions as there are ingredients. Not just anyone can make a good chili - It takes time and loving attention. Sure you can toss a packet of pre-made seasoning into a can of tomatoes and beans with accompanying hamburger for a quick fix but what fun is there in that?
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
"He may be asinine / But he's still 39" (650)
I turn 40 later this year. I won't say when exactly because I'm afraid the civic parades might be too much of a distraction and interfere with my nap time.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
West Quebec? Bring on the next referendum. (585)
"Being as it is completely rational to let those people who wish to leave Canada to do so; but being that Canada has the right and duty to protect Canadians from being forced to live in a new nation-state of which they want no part; would you agree that Quebec should be partitioned into two new provinces; Quebec and West Quebec, Quebec being the province that wishes to secede from Canada and West Quebec being the province that wishes to remain in Canada? Yes or No?"
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Old warriors fight over separation pay (730 words)
Yves Michaud and Paul Tellier have pursued different paths in life. Earlier in their careers they fought on different sides of the Quebec sovereignty struggle. Now, in the twilight of their public lives, Michaud and Tellier face each other in a battle over corporate sovereignty.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Tequila Rose, she is a new friend of mine (445 words)
For readers who enjoy a nip here and there you may have noticed that tequila is in very short supply and has become very expensive. Premium tequilas are increasingly hard to find and shelves display non-aged white varieties that are apt to resemble paint thinner.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
In which Our Hero spring-cleans his car after a long winter (525)
I don't know about you but I don't get around to cleaning out the inside of the car much when the temperature falls below zero.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Let me say right now that I'm sorry about that (670)
Who among us hasn't been really, really sorry (meaning really, really hoping to avoid punishment), for instance, after coming home to an exasperated spouse who is ready to throw you out because you've yet again turned up drunk, belligerent, and both shaven and tattooed in places you weren't when you went out? Hello…?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Yea, Verily (680)
So when the Pope was giving his valedictory address last week he said, "If the secular trend continues Western Civilization is doomed." As a former Hitler Youth he should know about doomed regimes.
Jim Austin opines in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec - election aftermath. Maybe. (690 words)
By your scribe's calculations, if an election were to be held this week, based on current polling data, the Liberal contingent in Quebec would drop from 21 to eight.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Barbeque & Asian Coleslaw Time (750 words)
Walking the pooches made me very hungry indeed this past weekend as I strolled by house after house. Burgers and steaks here and there with hints of more adventurous flare- ups were noted. I caught a whiff of curry on one corner and a Greek infused oregano aroma at another.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Follow the money, see the sleaze (580)
About half the salary of a CEGEP teacher, a Montreal bus driver, a nuclear physicist and even a plumber will end up going to one of our governments; either in income, property, water, school, GST or some other creative taxation scheme. So then where does it all go?
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Thank God they're not taking MY house (345)
DERBY LINE, VT | Residents here breathed a collective sigh of relief on Wednesday when they finally saw what the US government has in mind for the revamped Customs/Immigration facility on I-91.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Tory Harper loosens Cannon from rouge roots (800 words)
Lawrence Cannon is as close to a genetic Quebec Liberal as they come. Few sons of the province have the same undiluted rouge blood coursing through their veins.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
It's spring, our Gallivanting Gourmand has crabs, and he's not sorry (780 words)
I was daunted at the prospect of putting my killing skills to the test. However, like lobster, once you get past the point of no return and plunge them headfirst into a rolling boil all sense of guilt disappears and lip-licking begins.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
The scandal that brought the Murray house to its knees (770)
Day 3 of the testimony by Ross Murray before the Gomery Commission on the Canadian federal sponsorship scandal
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Ah yes, Spring cometh and frogs, too (740)
I've always loved frogs. As a youngster growing up in a semi-rural farming area I would don my wellies and trod off to the nearest pond at the first sign of warmth.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
The hits just keep on comin' (700)
I woke up this morning with a feeling of optimism. I've just read about the new rule that Republicans have forced on the ethics committee.
Jim Austin has a very sharp boob tube in Putney, Vermont.
A legacy in ruins (625 words)
You wonder how the alleged perpetrators of the misdeeds, experienced businessmen and civil servants for the most part, expected to get away with their crimes, considering they involved millions of dollars in public funds, and that dozens of more scrupulous people were privy to what was going on.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
How to prepare Aztec testicles, otherwise known as avocados (650 words)
There are a lot of folks who shun this delicately flavored item as they simply do not know what to do with them. Sure, there is the all-important guacamole recipe that satisfies but many avoid buying them because they don't have a great shelf life and usually require immediate attention.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
I've got those slap 'em together and shove 'em out the door school lunch blues (650)
According to my calendar, there are only about fifty days left in the school year. I can't wait. That means the kids will be home and able to help me dig that moat around the house I've been working on. Plus, no more math questions I have to pretend to understand.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Education in Quebec rights? Say what? (620)
It doesn't make sense. The Supreme Court of Canada judged that francophones in Quebec don't have the same rights as anglophones.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
A short history of a long war (720 words)
You might wonder does the world really need another book on a war fought 250 years ago? While people who haven't picked up a book on history since high school or university might not catch the excitement, those who do have a passing interest in the passage of time know there is always something new to be learned about what has gone before.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Ah, the charmed life of the Royals (525)
I hesitate to use her soon-to-be title, Princess Consort. It sounds far too much like a name that would be better suited to the four-door version of the British Vauxhall. Or maybe the latest in bedside telephones.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
The Pope: An Iron Legacy (710)
Since the '60s all but the most fervent First World Catholics have ignored Papal demands forbidding birth control. Even the Catholic hierarchy has been clamoring for a relaxation of these strict tenets for the past twenty-five years. This Pope would have none of it.
Jim Austin has a very sharp boob tube in Putney, Vermont.
Springtime is salmon time (450 words)
Is there a little more spring in your step lately? There is in mine.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
My favorite April Fool's carol: "God Jest Thee, Merry Gentlemen" (640)
We get so busy during the hectic April Fool's season, what with all the April Fool's shopping and the baking of the traditional April Fool's schnitzel, that sometimes we forget the true meaning of April Fool's Day: spending time with friends and loved ones and making them look stupid.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The (hydro) power of unrequited dreams (650 words)
The last time Quebec and Newfoundland tried to seal a deal to harness the Lower Churchill River the two high-rollers behind the plan were send scurrying for cover by angry natives.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
I finally got the piano, now let me tell you about our new bed (740)
A little while back I related the story of my misplaced piano. Well, for those of you who were wondering, and from the phone calls I received there were a few, the piano arrived safe and sound.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
HDTV - Bright, sharp, and pricey (750)
Since my dear old Dad brought home a 17-inch black and while Sylvania in 1956, I have been a devotee. I even wrote letters to Annette Funicello of the Mickey Mouse Club and received a photo back. The photo is all yellow and shriveled up now and, for that matter, so is Annette.
Jim Austin has a very sharp boob tube in Putney, Vermont.
Judging the judges (530 words)
In the end, it is judges who judge, who pass sentence, who decide upon appeals. We are all at their mercy. If they release someone, like repeat offenders who sometimes end up killing policemen or innocent civilians, or choose to keep someone like Robert Latimer in jail, we have little recourse.
Barbara Floria Graham is the author of Five Fast Steps to Better Writing, Five Fast Steps to Low-Cost Publicity, and Mewsings/Musings
www.SimonTeaKettle.com.
The F-word and other lyrics (690)
So what's a free-thinking, rock-'n-roll-loving, occasionally foul-mouthed parent supposed to do when the kids start bringing home music that contains "the word" and other reasonable facsimiles? Censorship?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
It's Canada, and the spending is easy, eh? (555)
This invoice says that Canadian flags were manufactured in China for five cents. You shipped ten thousand of them here and billed the government for $50 each. Then you billed the government for consultation charges of $500 an hour for 300 hours, an extra $150,000. What exactly was that for?
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Tempus for Charest to fugit? (730 words)
The battering the Liberals have taken of late at the hands of hordes of striking students suffering under ridiculously cut-rate university tuition fees is merely a shrimp cocktail entrée for the big buffet, when Quebec's civil servants' unions tuck in their napkins and demand more generous helpings.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Beer with added caffeine - not just another breakfast beverage, eh? (620 words)
Let's face facts. Humans have been programmed to consume and we are now no more than a bunch of Borg who will eat and drink any new thing that comes our way if it is marketed aggressively. We are programmed to receive, so to speak.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Don't you just love Canada's Gomery Inquiry? (500)
So far the good Mr. Gomery and the government's lawyers haave asked 36,000 questions. And so far the answer to 35,990 have been "I don't remember."
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Tossing his hat into the ring and all that (620)
This worked out pretty well for most, but this is Quebec and we must all do things the same way. We call this "working for the collectivity," although most other democracies would call it "benevolent fascism."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
What fresh Hell... (700)
"What fresh Hell," you ask, "has George II and his merry band of planet plunderers got in store for us?"
Jim Austin opines from Putney, Vermont.
Race on for QC mayoral succession (740 words)
Municipal politics in Quebec City differs from other cities in Quebec, and perhaps the rest of Canada for that matter. That's because, although the evidence is all but invisible to the public eye - except perhaps the flag incident - parties are split along federalist and sovereignist lines.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Some thoughts about a special day for women (510)
Long before I was bored to death by Betty Friedan's "Feminine Mystique" or heard Helen Reddy warble "I am woman" I knew instinctively that women were equal.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Erin Go Bragh and please pass the cookies (570 words)
I'm not one for green beer. It brings back memories of youthful over-indulgence and I'll leave that libation for the truly Irish. I can wear a kilt but one of Scottish heritage.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
What if George Bush is right? What then? (570)
I'm not saying that Bush is right. I don't know that. How could I? I am not a clairvoyant. I am just saying that he could be. No one I knew thought Reagan was right. But he was. No one I know thinks Bush is right. But he could be.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Blue jeans, baby (680)
The point is that I am at once a fashion have-not and terribly insecure about looking like a buffoon. Being really cheap doesn't help. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the tremendous social pressure to look good.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Freedom of speech in a parallel world (780 words)
The case comes at a lousy time for CHOI. For starters, the station's lawyers found themselves on International Women's Day trying to paint the steadfast Chiasson as a tramp during the proof of character questioning.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Believe it. Or not. (610)
The soldiers either made an enormous mistake and are covering up, or they were trying to send a message that bargaining with insurgents will not be tolerated.
Jim Austin watches sports and the Bush administration from Putney, Vermont.
Teddy, Teddy, who gets a Teddy? (740)
No wonder the Armed Forces are short of equipment. One of DND's employees was sued for walking off with $100 million bucks. It seems while nobody was watching he used phony invoices to saunter off with the cash equivalent of a fully armed regiment of infantry.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
You want rice with that? (580 words)
I speak of rice, a basis for which humanity has anchored its hungry maw and I say get thee to the stove and put up some grains of the fluffy stuff.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
A man with a Plan (650)
Please find enclosed my schedule of Planning Days for the coming year. During these days, I won't be showing up for work.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Truce in Quebec-Canada fiscal imbalance war (yawn) (730 words)
Fiscal imbalance, for most people who have other things to do than contemplate the financial mechanics of Canadian federalism, is like a session with the hypnotist: "You are getting sleepy, very sleepy."
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Small stores: real people providing real service (570)
I celebrate the stores in my little village. And I am sure you, too, know a useful little local store for which you are grateful. You know what I mean, an enterprise that is more than a store - one that is a real resource.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Hockey: great game, lousy sport (670)
Here's one Canadian who doesn't give a rat's rump that the National Hockey League season is cancelled.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
No hockey talk of Nordiques revival (660 words)
The Nordiques left town, so it is said, as a direct result of the National Hockey League's failure to secure a salary cap in negotiations with players. That dispute lasted four and a half months and ended with a deal that launched player salaries into the stratosphere like some spectacular fireworks show.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
We need a winter holiday, now (540)
When it comes to a holiday in February, the average Canadian would celebrate Broccoli Day if it meant some time off.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Check this out, eh? (950 words)
Let's talk checkout lines. Specifically, let's talk about manners at the grocery store. Apparently, some folks don't have any and you know who you are.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand, and loves his stir fry.
Still longing for my stuff, UPS (500)
Bobbin Mill Road is a short, dead-end street. There are just seven houses on the right hand side of the street. My friend Charlie lives in the last house on the right.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Quebec unrest inspired Canadian flag (730 words)
As far as many Quebecers are concerned, they got their national flag on January 21, 1948, not February 15, 1965. That was the day Premier Maurice Duplessis, without debate or ceremony, ordered the fleur-de-lys hoisted above the legislature in Quebec City.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
So, you want to make hay with your wok? (650 words)
Before you suspect that I am promoting kink in this column let me remind you that the year of the rooster has begun and that the Chinese New Year has been celebrated for days. If you have ever wondered just why your stir-fry does not have that same oomph that you get at the restaurant you can be sure of one thing. Your wok is out of energy and breath or "out of hay" as the Cantonese refer to it.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand, and loves his stir fry.
Mister, have you seen my piano? (485)
Have you ever lost a piano? I don't mean have you ever had one taken from you, burned in a fire, sold to strangers. I mean lost, as in misplaced. You see mine's gone missing.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Get your buns off the table, eh? (660)
And that's the Canadian way - working together, making sacrifices jointly, and not ticking off the powerful Alberta beef lobby.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The world loves a good Dick joke (580)
Today I would like to discuss the Dick joke. And I don't mean George Bush's running mate.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Quebec faces dilemma on religion in schools (710 words)
The question of public funding for religious education exploded onto the public agenda in a rather ugly way last month when the Charest government decided to extend public funding from 60 percent to 100 percent for a network of Jewish schools - just as a previous Quebec government had done for Greek Orthodox schools - on the condition they form partnerships with English and French school boards.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Super Dull (770)
No doubt most of the audience wondered who that desiccated old geezer was who dominated the half-time festivities. For those of you under 40, he was Paul McCartney. The poor old Beatle doddered through some tunes from ancient history originally performed by him and a few long dead companions.
Jim Austin watches sports and the Bush administration from Putney, Vermont.
Will you be my lovely Valentine? (630 words)
Somehow, Mondays do not conjure up images of wild romantic abandon and although Valentine's Day falls smack at the beginning of a work-week, there is still hope for the hopeless romantic.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand, and resident romantic.
And why isn't Shaun of the Dead nominated? (660)
Haven't been to the movies lately? Feeling left out of the Oscar buzz because you have no idea what the movies are about? Don't know where to wager your kids' education fund? Don't worry; it's easy to pick the Oscar winners, even if you haven't seen the films.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Jamesians cash in on Quebec power projects (650 words)
All told, the Jamesians will be splitting up a $310 million pie spread over 50 years. Six million bucks a year may not seem like much, but, on the other hand, the recipients won't be affected all that directly by the Eastmain 1-A/Rupert/Sarcelle (EM 1-A) hydro project expansion, for which the money is compensation.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Please, not another evening of Shot-in-Buffalo-Hump-Saskatchewan movies (400)
Let me make this clear. Hockey is a great game to play and a super one to watch but it's still nothing more than organized shinny.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Going to a party with a cold? Count me out (575)
The cold that hit me made me feel one hundred years old. And usually I only feel eighty. It took a week out of my life. And I needed those days. I want those days back.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
No cheers for Bell Canada, eh? (635)
"No, no," I explain, "It's not an Internet problem, it's a telephone line problem. Your guys have done something to the wire connections up the road, n'est ce pas?"
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Jerking around with sports (660 words)
The upcoming Super Bowl will be the next good excuse for a gathering and one snack item will create a rush on poultry parts at the grocery store. While millions will watch the game, chickens everywhere better prepare their last wills and testimonies.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Hey lady, what's in a name? (360)
In retrospect, if, instead of telling Ms Copps to "have some tequila, Sheila," John Crosby had referred to her as a "hot mutton," the Speaker of the House would still be trying to figure out a ruling.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Bloc Head Duceppe faces leadership dilemma (780 words)
In his home province, Duceppe on the side of the angels on the same-sex and missile-shield issues, and, as a political performer, he's brimming with confidence, so much so that he toured Western Canada to preach the joys of Quebec sovereignty.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
It's a Guy Thing (680)
The hanging ceiling is a strange and wonderful invention thanks to the engineers at Armstrong. They developed a grid system that seems very shaky at first but which, when assembled, becomes rigid and strong. That's the theory anyway.
Jim Austin tools around in Putney, Vermont.
The stars came out at night (520)
Today's instant access to individual and myriad entertainment possibilities make the "Free Show" of the 1940s era difficult to comprehend. But, people living in Midwest farming communities during that time of gas rationing, few cars, and little money, attended those gatherings in droves. June through August - weather permitting - small towns provided a designated place for weekly free movies.
Frances Bevency Errion writes in Buskirk, New York.
What if youth ran politics? (675)
In last year's federal election, only 38 percent of 18-30-year-olds bothered to vote in Canada. Just think how much better some parties would fare with a stronger turnout of 21-year-olds? OK, the Green and the Marijuana parties would do better but that's not the point. The point is, how do you reach these young people?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Epidemic on the horizon! Food kills! And hold the salt! (880 words)
I have to ask -- is there nothing to eat that is not bad for us? Experts continually tell us to stay away from anything that tastes and makes us feel good.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Two Solitudes ~ from MacLennan to Mitsou (800 words)
Sixty years ago Nova Scotia-born, Montreal-adopted author Hugh MacLennan wrote the novel whence sprang the term that has ever since defined the relationship between French-speaking Quebec and the rest of Canada.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
No WMDs and all that (450)
Faced with the world's mightiest army racing across his front yard at about ninety miles an hour and his own soldiers tossing their boots off to be able to retreat all that much faster, it stands to reason if Saddam had them, this would have been a pretty good time to use them.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Relax, the US is winning (700)
We have no chance of achieving anything like the outcome that has been scripted for us by the zealots in this administration. We will reap only death and misery for both the Iraqis and ourselves.
Jim Austin writes it like he feels it in Putney, Vermont.
Green Peace was wrong about the seal hunt ~ Mea culpa, baby boomer moi (590)
Do I think Greenpeace will ever follow my lead and admit that they were wrong? Never. The Newfoundland fishermen whose lives they have destroyed can go jump in the sea for all they care.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
The Old Plonkster Weighs In (630)
With no end in sight for the SAQ strike, Quebecers are having to turn to other sources for their wine. Luckily, we live in a province where your next booze fix is just around the corner, at least until 11 p.m.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Arctic sea-change coming your way (750 words)
If you're a polar bear or walrus the news about climate change in the Arctic is not good. If, however, ice is an obstacle to you and not an essential of life, a whole new world of opportunity may be opening up.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Comes once again the lowly crock pot (560 words)
Here is an easy and hearty recipe to start you on your journey that you can cook on a snowy day: Boogie Woogie Beef.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Canadian provinces born in language debate (700 words)
Bourassa would return to Quebec embittered, and establish Le Devoir as the voice of Quebec nationalism. In the wake of the Alberta and Saskatchewan minority language drama he would write "we are bound to come to the conclusion that Quebec is our only country because we have no liberty elsewhere."
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
To Sir, with complimentary cocktail (660)
We find a moment to chat briefly about the new Canadian $20 and how she wishes we'd do something about that dreadful green, when Sir Ian McKellen barges in, and we all know how he is when he gets around queens! I slowly back away.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
I met a man from Pondicherry (700)
Suddenly, a vicious undertow struck. It sucked us under the water. We struggled to save the children. It was clear that we were lost. We saw our own three children waving on the beach. "We're going to die," said Martha.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Joe McCarthy: Back from Hell? (460)
Legions of liberals have spewed plenty of ink castigating the Bush-ferrets at the FOX network for their biased coverage of the news and their simpering toadyism as regards our two-term tyrant. Apparently their "right blight" infection is contagious.
Jim Austin writes it like he feels it in Putney, Vermont.
Year-end trivia quiz 2004 (1300 words)
It was a year marked by the departure of the Expos, but the comeback of the Bloc Québécois; the shame of the Quebec sponsorship scandal, but the triumph of Auditor-General Sheila Fraser; the asymmetrical vision of Premier Jean Charest, but the family feud of the Parti Québ&ea;cute;cois.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Food Trends 2005 (860 words)
Our mothers were told that margarine was a healthy alternative to butter. Now it turns out that Mom might have been killing us with trans fats and hydrogenated vegetable oils.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Hope you had a good Christmas (600)
You won't get around to read this until after Boxing Day. After all, who has time to read excruciatingly funny, jet-setting playboy columnists when there are cookies and cats to decorate?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Walk a mile in their shoes (600)
Republican voters have ignored dishonesty, incompetence, ideological fanaticism, and corruption to vote their Ayatollah into office. Obviously, they are incapable of empathy.
Jim Austin writes it like he feels it in Putney, Vermont.
Dear Santa (460)
It looks like I'll do pretty well Anyway. I saw the love of my life checking out the prices on the new Lexus so I think I'm in for a real surprise come Christmas morning.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
My country, it's winter (800 words)
When it comes to enduring winter our countrymen and women of French heritage have about 150 years more experience than those who came afterwards to the Great White North from other, more temperate lands.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Little Drummer Boy, etcetera etcetera (645)
Christmas music is everywhere, starting sometime after Halloween. But really it has little Christian influence. No one ever hears N'Sync singing "O Holy Night" and thinks, "Hmmm, I must to church."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Introducing Sam Chatto, the (possible) King of the Brits (590)
For those of you untutored in the ways of the monarchy, primogeniture is the feudal rule that governs who can be the next to wear the Crown.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Good to go for corned beef hash (650 words)
Here is a classic recipe for corned beef hash. I trust Pierre Berton is making his version in the heavens.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
James of Nazareth, or Holidays are always hard for brother of Christ (600)
A 2000-year-old ossuary, a box that held bones, bears the inscription: "James, son of Joseph, brother of Jesus." Until now, all references to the three men have been found only in manuscripts. So this Christmas, as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, I would also like to tip my hat to his brother James.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Scotsmen's Road - where the past lives on in Quebec City (840 words)
Beyond the door and to the right of a foyer hung with old portraits, up the wide, well-worn wooden staircase, lies what has been one of the best-kept secrets in Quebec City -- in Canada, for that matter.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
The Flashlight (670)
This wasn't just the tiny Maglite you can hold in your mouth so you can have two hands free to defuse a bomb in the dark (hey, it could happen) but the big four D-cell-battery-mother. The kind you hold above your shoulder and say in a deep voice, "Excuse me, Ma'am, could you get out the car? There's a-gonna be some friskin'."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Meet Canada's rich folks, and really rich folks (450)
The three Irving brothers, of New Brunswick - Gassy, Greasey, and Oily - still rank forth in filthy family lucre even though the province they own has one of the highest rates of unemployment and the lowest incomes in the country.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
All I want for Christmas (660 words)
I am prepared to carry the torch proudly for all Quebecois and present one of our best food products to the world. That's right folks -- I'm going to be the King of Cretons.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Bring on the Rapture (650)
Now that Torquemada (alias John Ashcroft) is out of here we can at least hope for an Attorney General that doesn't clap citizens in irons and hold them there until they confess.
Jim Austin writes it like he feels it in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec eyeing LNG market (720 words)
The resistance to LNG in Quebec is raising concerns that the province may be missing the boat - or tanker, rather - as the world shifts to LNG to satisfy the relentless consumption of energy.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
We're talking fat here (720 words)
I've never liked margarine very much...and I've always preferred a homemade piecrust made with good old-fashioned lard....but like most people, I've eaten more than my share of a recently identified heart-stopping killer.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
I'm feeling a little behind (680)
I was crushed last week to learn that once again I had been passed over as the Sexiest Man Alive.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Tongue Troopers off mark with Quinn Farm (590)
Surely it can't be easy to wield the power of the State to persecute an honest, hard-working Notre Dame de l'Ile Perrot farmer who is known for taking children on tractor rides through pumpkin fields for having a sign in his store that reads 'Thank You for Not Smoking' without feeling mean and small-minded.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Unionizing Wal-Mart and Bonhomme Carnaval (700 words)
While Wal-Mart workers are slugging it out against the retail giant, another Quebec giant is also involved in a Labour struggle. Bonhomme Carnaval, the jolly winter festival mascot, let it be known last month he, too, wants to belong to the UFCW union, along with his support staff.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Who's your buddy, eh? Eh? (580)
Just because Bush thanked everyone from Andora to Zambia for their support after 9-11 before he thanked Canada, there's no need for alarm.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
How to kidnap, and other writing tips (580)
Dear Mr. Murray, I would like to break into the writing racket. Do you have any tips?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
How are you gonna keep 'em down on the family farm, after you bankrupt 'em? (450 words)
In the upper echelons of the agricultural game, leaders gain political support by doling out your taxes to the giants in the industry. If you have enough power to lobby you will profit. Down on the family farm, however, you'll be lucky to sell beef for peanuts.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Toboggan company slip-sliding way (700 words)
This year there will be no shiny Torpedo toboggans or sleds under the Christmas tree. Blame the Chinese or the ascent of the loonie, but the fact is a cherished Quebec-born Canadian product is kaput.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
No senior citizen, me (460)
Reading the paper the other day I noticed no fewer than three articles dedicated to boomer angst at aging.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
The family that couldn't stop sneezing (650)
When I was a kid, I had a book called The Man Who Couldn't Stop Sneezing. It was about a guy who goes to great lengths to find the source of his non-stop nasal aggravation. He throws away all his possessions, rips off his clothes, and essentially goes berserk, until finally he moves into a cave in the woods with only his faithful dog for companionship.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
It's not too bad up here, eh? (580)
Ask a Canadian: "How's it goin', eh?" And you won't get back: "Great!" At best you'll get: "Not Bad."
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
And don't forget the Chinese frog legs (680)
I had to question why some diners were at a Chinese buffet at all, since so many were filling up on onion rings, french fries, and other not-exactly Asian dishes. What exactly was the attraction of the cocktail sausages in sauce? The bacon-wrapped sausages, sure, but cocktail weenies?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Nouvelle France -- the next conquest? (680 words)
Can a romance set during The Conquest conquer the hearts and wallets of movie-goers? That's the $35 million wager the producers of Nouvelle France have placed on the would-be blockbuster that opened in French in Quebec theatres this week.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Sucking 'em up, slurping 'em down (700 words)
The slurping season has arrived! If you are an oyster lover, you are among the millions who anxiously await the arrival of fresh bivalves from eastern and pacific shores.
Get out your shell-shuckers and get ready some large linen napkins for a feast of seaside proportions.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Curling: sport of geeks & scientists (700)
Curling is a sport the way golf and bowling are sports - you can drink while you're playing and it actually improves your game.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
It's about sacrifice for others (760)
It's easy to forget in the midst of this day of remembrance how difficult life was for those left at home. Behind every soldier, sailor, or flyer was a family. Maybe a mom and dad. Maybe some siblings. Maybe a wife and children.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Quebec honours Black stars (730 words)
There was an intriguing symmetry - or should that be asymmetry - to the recent conferring of honours on two Quebecers of African heritage.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Now you done it, America (680)
This year, 51 percent of the electorate took a stroll in the yard, pried the lid off the septic tank, and dove in. The problem is that those simpletons took all 49 percent of the sensible people along for the ride.
Jim Austin writes it like he feels it in Putney, Vermont.
Chow down on chowder (665 words)
Early French immigrants to Canada made a hearty soup called Chaudree from salt pork and fish. (Chaudree derives from the Latin caldaria or caldron.) When Breton-inspired Chaudree crossed the Canadian border and moved down the eastern seaboard of the United States, 'chowder,' American-style came into being.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Alberta: Good country, good folks (580)
We arrived at the Daysland Motel at 2 p.m. We had spent a lazy morning driving through big-sky farm country via Vegreville, stopping to eat brunch and see The World's Largest Easter Egg. The lady at the desk smiled.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Dear Dubya: No hard feelings, right? (690)
you pulled it off, this time without the Supreme Court. Now you can actually say you were elected! It must feel good to finally have democracy on your side. Take THAT, Michael Moore! And Daddy!
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Remembering (400 words)
I'm providing two recipes that will satisfy any gathering on Remembrance Day. The soup will warm those that have made their way from chilly outdoor tribute activities and sweet-toothed connoisseurs will love the cookies.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Cirque founder has Massif plans (730 words)
It's not just anyone who can buy a mountain. But if you've turned a band of clowns, fire-breathers, and stilt-walkers into a global entertainment empire, anything, it would seem, is possible.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Any questions? (690)
They lied to us and then went to war for reasons that are unknown to most of us. They are simply garden-variety war criminals.
Jim Austin lives on the edge in Putney, Vermont.
Three Halloween spleen-tinglers (750)
Once upon a time in a scary one-bedroom apartment there lived a witch who owned a giant floating eyeball. This eyeball was like a crystal ball in that it could see the future. It was unlike a crystal ball in that it had an eyelid and was generally creepy. All floaty and blinky like.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Tell 'em to take a hike (560)
The OECD just issued a report that chastises Canada for spending too much time providing "baby sitting" instead of early childhood education. Apparently we just let the little nippers sit around and play instead of giving them a good grounding in mathematics, physics, and literature to ease their way into kindergarten.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Fixing federalism, from Meech to Belgium (650 words)
Canadians usually only think of Belgium around this time of year when Remembrance Day draws attention to the thousands of innocent and brave Canadian soldiers who died freeing the country from the deadly nationalism of the Kaiser and then Hitler. But thanks to Conservative Opposition Leader and potential prime minister Stephen Harper, debate about the land of Flanders and Wallonia is sprouting out all over.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Halloween Boogers on a Stick (500 words)
There will be many parties for little goblins this coming week and you'll need to serve up some ghoulish treats. The kids will enjoy these gross-out items.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Take a walk on the mild side (700)
Preparing for our first walk this morning, Abby freaked because I would let her bring only one purse instead of two. It's the latest in her long list of obsessive-compulsive behaviors that go by the name of "toddlerhood."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Yanks Tank. Thanks. (700)
Clemons, as you know, is the embodiment of all that is wrong with the world. Had he been born with a normal arm he would work in an adult bookstore or sell methaphetamines to children for a living. He should have a bolt through his neck.
Jim Austin lives on the edge in Putney, Vermont.
No shoe-in, this party (600)
We knew we were in trouble when we saw the sign that read: "Kindly remove your shoes!"
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Great Canadian quest - the unkindest cut of all (670 words)
The CBC's quest for the Greatest Canadian came up with a Top 10 that includes four politicians, three men of science, two hockey luminaries, and one cancer-stricken hero. The distaff faction of Canadian society will notice none of their number made the cut, while only one Quebecer, former prime minister Pierre Elliott Trudeau, made it to the pantheon of greatness.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
There's nothing quite like a nice cheddar (620)
I'm not sure what makes Vermont cheddar so good but, combined with a few local apples, you've got a dish fit for a king or queen. As history reveals, cheddar has been coveted for centuries and has established itself as the cheese of choice for northerners.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Sox or Talks? (715)
Did you watch the ball game or the debate? Were you more interested in the outcome of a contest between a bunch of overpaid steroid freaks or a dialogue between two men vying for the title of "most powerful human on the planet"?
Jim Austin is a Putney, Vermont, writer.
Rethinking those school laptops, now that my daughter has one (700)
It's wonderful to have an Apple in the house again. They've improved so much since the last time I worked with one. There are some new, very important features, like the way windows swoosh closed as if they're being sucked into a black hole. Then there are the gently soothing screen-savers featuring undulating nature scenes. Why, it's just like a life-insurance commercial.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Pop not so fresh, Martha in stripes (500 words)
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop-n-Fresh has died of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Greenie Quebec's polluting cars defy Kyoto (630 words)
Quebec's involvement in the global process, plus the generally holier-than-thou attitude of a province that gets most of its energy from damming rivers rather than burning fossil fuels, helps explain the province's passionate embrace of Kyoto.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Hey, we don't live here for the politics (590)
As we all know, Americans move to Canada for three reasons: (1) higher taxes (2) lower pay and (3) the winter.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Darth Vader vs Dudley Doright (690)
I just hate it that we have to choose between two oily incompetents and two reptiles of doom. You know that thing on Edward's lip? That's the nozzle where they fill him up with pureed partisan baloney every time the political winds change.
Jim Austin is a Putney, Vermont, writer.
New WW2 book recounts how Nazi subs sank boats, killed Canadians and others - in Canada (760 words)
Nathan M. Greenfield's The Battle of the St. Lawrence: The Second World War in Canada is as chilling a tale as its title is startling. It may come as a surprise to many Canadians unfamiliar with the details of the Second World War, but the Gulf of St. Lawrence and the river itself were the theatre of a deadly struggle between Allied vessels and Nazi U-boats.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Hip advice for Country Newbies (680)
The 2005 Newbie Farmer's Almanac is now on sale. In a tradition going all the way back to 1987, our almanac provides information, lore, false hopes, and condescending advice to the newly affluent who are hell-bent on systematically gentrifying semi-rural areas and who don't feel "authentic" unless they're pushing up a crop of peas.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Say, have I got a tip for you (780 words)
If this rant classifies me as a cheapskate, so be it. I have a gripe that has been bubbling just under the surface that I must vent.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Local Canadian Customs officers busted for marijuana smuggling (345)
Rose Chetrit Palmer, 51, a 20-year veteran Canadian Customs official is facing charges with eight other Stanstead, Quebec, residents of allegedly smuggling hundreds of pounds of marijuana into the United States.
Gordon Alexander is a Vermont-based journalist.
And justice for all? Not if you're in Quebec (590)
This last slogan, recalling the Front de Liberation du Québec, a terrorist organization famous for bombs, kidnappings, and murder, is key. It was written to intimidate the community.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
It's debatable (670)
I tuned in on the off-chance that George would forget what state he was in or Kerry would finally lose it and kick George in the groin. I was disappointed at the civility shown by both men but impressed with the give and take.
Jim Austin is a Putney, Vermont, writer.
Quebec football boom overshadows Expos' doom (765 words)
Okay, so they're gone. It's probably not the best comparison given the latest case of assisted suicide in Montreal, but the Expos simply had to be put out of their misery.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Antigua, Moi, and Northern Dancer (520)
Just this week, in anticipation of $75-a-barrel oil, I went to my friendly banker to establish a line of credit. I reckon about $20,000 will get me to and from work this year.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
First, drag a speckled toad by a hind leg… (680 words)
I've been thinking it's time to put it to bed for the winter. I've got lots of herbs and herb seeds to think about and perhaps you do, too.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
On the street where you wave (670)
It also seems to me that for every three trucks that go into the United States, only one comes out. What happens to the other two? Do they just stay, the drivers lured by the promise of better lives and extreme makeovers?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Methane-powered electric plant delayed (300)
COVENTRY, VT | Plans to construct a 5-megawatt methane-powered electrical generating plant at the massive Casella landfill here have been temporarily stalled by the state Public Service Board.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
The year I went to driving school (670)
I'm not a great driver. I'm not a danger on the road but I have to admit I'm no Gilles Villeneuve either. I'd like to think it's because I don't really like to drive. I'd much prefer the passenger side of any vehicle.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Everybody's talking about "Tout le monde en parle" (670 words)
The Radio-Canada version of Tout le monde en parle has aired twice so far (as of this writing) and, true to its title, everyone is talking about it, so much so that it drew more than 1.5 million viewers, the top program the week it debuted.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Good Old New England Boiled Dinner (540 words)
Tasty, hearty, and nutritious it consists of corned beef brisket and vegetables -- usually potatoes, carrots, onions, cabbage, and turnip.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
"I went to Canada and all I got was mugged" (700)
The US Federal Mug Agency, meanwhile, is trying to crack down on the importation of Canadian mugs, claiming that they may be "unsafe."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The Weak in Review (575)
Let's rejoice over another little ray of sunshine brought to you by the GOP. I'm talking about the expiration of the ban on assault weapons.
Jim Austin is a Putney, Vermont, writer.
Eastern Townshippers survive shock therapy (675 words)
Frankly, no one's doing much serious lobbying these days for minority language rights, Quebec now being in a state of relative "social peace" as the late premier Robert Bourassa liked to call the Silence of the Anglos.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Securing America Forever (550)
To continue to reward the affluent and powerful, insure the domestic tranquillity, and present to the world a united front, we need to re-order American society once and for all.
John Mahoney edits the Log Cabin Chronicles.
Summers_end Stew (550 words)
Those who return from work and school will be delighted with the smells and aroma upon entering the house. There is something so comforting about a one-pot meal loaded with vegetables and meat.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
The day the cat walked in (670)
Earlier this year I was relishing our home's single-pet status. We were down to one self-contained hamster and that's the way I liked it.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Tory deja vu 20 years later (665 words)
Twenty years ago this week I got laid off for the first time in my life, and frankly, I was kind of glad.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Send in the clowns (700)
If you are going to stroll through this year's political arenas, don't wear your best shoes.
Jim Austin is a Putney, Vermont, writer.
You're not going to eat that, are you? (715)
Imagine this: You're sitting at home, reading your newspaper. It's getting close to suppertime. There's a knock at the door. You open it and there's a stranger standing there holding a pot. "I've got this leftover food. Do you want it?"
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Fried green tomatoes, and more (570 words)
Let me guess. You've been griping about the bounty of green tomatoes that you have successfully grown this summer. You are not alone.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Touristas on Sulfur Mountain (770 words)
It's ironic-people living three times as far away from the Rocky Mountains as any Canadian are more excited and willing to visit them than we are.
Leo Gervais teaches journalism at Concordia University in Montreal.
PQ leadership game of cat and mouse (715 words)
The shadow campaign will last six months, from October to March, in which Landry and Marois, and probably fellow former PQ minister François Legault, will fight it out at the riding level for party delegates who will go to the convention and vote for or against the 67-year-old Landry's continued leadership.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Cartoon character, moi (516)
They say we all have a doppelganger - a twin of sorts out there somewhere. This is convenient if you need someone to blame for going bonkers at the McDonald's drive-thru, not so handy when your twin keeps cashing your paycheques.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Sweet Corn: Readers Respond (600 words)
A recent column about innovative things to do with fresh corn revealed that readers are willing to take up a challenge when prompted.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Golf &a grave; la Marquis de Dorion Rules (600)
My son had been trying to get me out on the links for weeks. He had been playing Tiger Woods Golf on his Nintendo Game Cube and so he thought: "This is easy!"
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
What might have been (574)
Back in the Dark Ages when I was a lad, I too dreamed of glory. There was only one problem. My body.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Quebec's Liberal government takes time-bomb ride into the Tunnel of Debt (715 words)
In a recent article in La Presse, noted engineering accountant Jean-Claude Huot compares the Laval Metro boondoggle not only to the Montreal Olympics, but one of the biggest bloated budget scandals of them all, the Euro Chunnel linking France and England.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Armchair Olympiast (730)
I am a rabid Olympicaphile. Every two years, whether it is the Summer or Winter variety, I am velcroed to the barcalounger.
Jim Austin is a Putney, Vermont, sport.
Pretty swift, sort of high, reasonably strong (670)
Welcome to Day 6 of the Average Olympics. So far the competition here in Athens, Ontario, has been mundane beyond all expectations as athletes of typical build and fairly ordinary background compete for Olympic mediocrity.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
False issues, false promises (680)
There are lies and there are damned lies. Homeland Security chief Tom Ridge trotted out a whopper in my opinion.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Can those naked-guy ads, eh? (400)
I've got nothing against the human body per se but if I see one more youthful, sculpted toosh on prime time I'm going to go mad.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Charest's buddy Parizeau to the rescue (720 words)
With his plan for a "coup d'etat," as a leading editorialist called Parizeau's referendum-election strategy, the former Parti Quebecois leader would seem to have taken the sweaty spotlight off the Liberal premier for the coming fall session.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
An old jock tries LSD… and loves it (666 words)
"Wow..." she said, taking a deep breath, not quite believing the immense sight unfolding before her eyes. "That's great."
Leo Gervais teaches journalism at Concordia University in Montreal.
Put the pot on to boil, Ma, we've got fresh corn (700 words)
Here in suburbia, I gauge the annual arrival of a good corn crop by the number of impromptu roadside stands and resulting near-traffic-mishaps as lollygaggers decide whether to stop to get some or not.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Spare the meat, spoil the child (690)
Our daughter Abby has a metabolic condition called tyrosinemia, that, untreated, makes certain proteins toxic. It is controlled with medication, specialty foods, and a highly restrictive diet, allowing her to live a normal life. Abby also had a stroke a year and a half ago but recovered quickly.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Crazy as a shithouse rat (220)
COVENTRY, VT | You've always loved the music of the Phish. They're your heroes. You'd lay down your cape over a mud puddle for them, you'd give them all your money.
John Mahoney edits the Log Cabin Chronicles.
Mont Tremblant no Mickey Mouse project (800)
"Disneyland" was the derogatory description some of the locals used when Intrawest began its extreme makeover of the slumbering giant called Mont Tremblant a decade ago. Those locals, however, probably didn't need a job.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Lo-tech Guy meets 21st Century (475)
my first hint that I might be looking at something new came recently when I slid a tape into the slot and pressed play. What followed was three ka-chunks and a grrr noise reminiscent of gears not quite meshing. The machine then spit the tape back out.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Peaches, glorious peaches (525 words)
Rub a peach against your cheek and smell the heady scent that only a peach can provide.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
The Clarity Act: Last line of defense against Pols use old bait-and-switch technique (600)
Bait-and-switch is a deceptive sales technique. You advertise one product to attract customers. That's the bait. When they arrive they find out you are really selling something else entirely. That's the switch. It's considered a form of business fraud.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
"Hey, kids, let's play bare-toed croquet!" (700)
Bored with the same old family gatherings? Cringe at the prospect of hearing Uncle Felix drone on about his spleen? Undergoing the scrutiny of your in-laws doesn't give you that life-on-the-edge thrill it used to? Well, take family gatherings to the next level and dive headlong into the pulse-pounding world of Xtreme Famlee Ree-U-nions©!
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Does Canada need/want a broadcast censor? (950)
So who needs the CRTC to dictate what people should hear or see? The reaction to the CHOI decision has been all but unanimous in declaring the regulatory body anything from archaic in its prissy approach to public sensibilities, to irrelevant for its vain struggle against the gray market of satellite and the unbridled content on the Internet.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Dem Convention Capers (675)
Kerry stood in front of the mound and tossed a 40-foot girlie-lob to a ceremonial catcher from the armed services who muffed the short hop. Clearly, Kerry would have been much more successful if he had cantered out on Bucephalus, his polo pony, and drilled a 150-foot mallet shot from center field.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Spank your watermelon. I do. (630 words)
The interesting thing is you are paying for a lot of water and that is exactly what you are looking for. A heavy melon reveals a good dull resonance when spanked properly and a melons' watery content is worth its weight in gold. Far better to hydrate oneself with this elixir than bottled water, I say.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
All smiles on a Sunday in Ontario (535)
So there we were, eighteen people crammed into a photo studio about the size of a double phone booth. The photographer, whose first language appeared to be Spanish, vainly attempted to arrange us around our parents by generations, all the time shouting commands based on colour of apparel.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
An old jock tries LSD… and loves it (770 words)
I tried LSD for the first time a few years ago, but now I'm really starting to like it.
Leo Gervais teaches journalism at Concordia University in Montreal.
You, sir, are a divot! (660)
WHEREAS the accused, Ross Murray, sometimes plays golf at the Club, whereby "golf" is defined solely on the act of hitting a dimpled white ball into 9 or 18 holes without consideration for the number of strokes it takes to do so, even if it takes a really, really, really tremendous amount of strokes. Like, really tremendous;
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The Olympics: They're not about Quebec politics (700)
Quebec's Olympic delegation is surprisingly diverse, with athletes in almost every event from badminton to baseball. Quebecers dominate judo, synchro swimming, water polo, and diving.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
It's J. E. L. L. O. time (615 words)
If I wanted an extreme Jell-O experience I would sky dive or bungee jump with my shorts stuffed with gelatin. Better yet, I'd stuff my shirt with X-treme Grape and get into the mosh pit at a summer punk concert.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Imperial Bush (670)
Why is he padding along on little pussy feet talking about benign issues while Bush is being measured for the purple robes of imperial ruler of a new American empire?
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Has it really been 20 years? (630)
Dear Class of '84, as your valedictorian, I'm sure you're asking yourselves two questions: first, "Didn't you do time?" and second, "What pearls of wisdom can you offer us twenty years after giving a rousing valedictory speech that still rings mightily through the corridors of John Hugh Gillis Regional High School?"
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Quebec maintains clout in Martin cabinet (800)
Okay, my crystal ball must have been a little fogged over and Beauce MP Claude Drouin, the only Liberal elected east of Montreal, didn't quite make it into Paul Martin's cabinet as I had speculated a few columns back.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Democracy by force (680)
We have found that if you force feed democracy like a French goose you do not get foie gras. What you get is an olio of violence, confusion, torture, and the beginnings of a legacy of hatred that may take decades to diminish.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Ladies' Night Out (630 words)
When the girls arrive for their get-together, they will be toting fruit, veggies, and wine coolers. This is in stark contrast to a man's weekend full of beer and hot dogs.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
The world-famous gardens of Quebec (860)
It's an intriguing fact that Quebec today would not boast two of the most awe-inspiring gardens in North America had it not been for the desire for the country life of a railroad baron and some Boston Brahmins.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
To grill, perchance to feast (700 words)
"I'm a man. Men cook outside. Women make the three-bean salad."
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Why do you think cops love 'em? (580)
He whirled around the entire group. Then he grabbed my nine-year-old daughter who was a good head taller then him and began dancing with her. Then, other kids followed his lead. Yes, kids were spontaneously dancing to the 1950s music in the Krispy Kreme shop. All hopped-up on sugar.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
So one little tree let me down… (630)
Up in the air, Junior Birdman
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Quebec culture, North American-style (740)
Gilles Duceppe is right about one thing, Quebec really is different. The best evidence of that is not fiscal imbalance, language laws, nor nationalist tug-of-war - it's culture, baby, the swirling, intertwined, star-driven, festival-mad, barrier-breaking madness that makes up the French-language arts and entertainment scene in this gathering of some seven million souls.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Berry delicious (485 words)
There is not much that is better than biting into a sweet, juicy strawberry. Red juice dribbles at the corners of your mouth and children delight in red-stained clothes and faces.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Let freedom rain (735)
OK, here's why it could not have happened: First, there is no way in the world that a C-student from Crawford,Texas, could extemporaneously come up with the phrase "Let Freedom Reign!" Even if he could there is no way George could spell reign. Or know what "sovereign" means for that matter.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Fearless prediction for Beauce MP Drouin (730)
If PM Martin hopes to rebuild the federal Liberal Party in eastern Quebec in time for a rematch with the Bloc in the next year or two, Drouin, the only Grit left standing in the vast expanse of francophone ridings, will have to be his go-to guy.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Soloing and cooking at the same time (650 words)
Today I offer hope for the many men out there who are single or will be spending a day or two on their own while the missus is out of town.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Which side are you on, les boys? (580)
Quebec is going through a period of relative cultural peace. Kind of dull, isn't it? The only people talking about sovereignty these days are blowhard-liners who worry about English-only toys at Zellers.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Love letter to Bernie Sanders (600)
Vermonters are so lucky to have a representative in Washington like Bernie Sanders. Why he got into politics is a mystery to me.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Cheated, democratically of course (500)
So town after town whose voters had actually endorsed de-merger were being refused it, because all non-votes were being treated as 'No' votes. I say that just in case you are the type of person who leaves democracy up to your fellow citizens and doesn't bother to vote because they think it will make no difference.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Duceppe: The QC Bloc's Great Helmsman (760)
For starters, despite their soothing disclaimers, the sovereignists forces will use the results of Monday's vote as clear-cut evidence that Quebecers have rejected the federal system. And, as Parti Québécois leader Bernard Landry has confirmed obligingly, a major Bloc victory will bring Quebec closer to another referendum.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Steak for Dad (630 words)
Perhaps you can indulge him by picking up some premium steaks, russet potatoes with fatty sour cream and butter and a beverage accompaniment. If Dad is a vegetarian, I don't know what you'll do but you can figure it out.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Sucking it up in the good old summertime (700)
I rented the film Swimming Pool the other night. I thought it was a how-to video on pool care and maintenance but it ended up being about a frequently nude sex kitten. I was very disappointed.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
What's new (670)
Was he drunk? What the hell was he talking about? A pickle? It must depend on your definition of "pickle," I guess.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec Conservatives, past and future (840)
This may be as good a time as any to reflect on the Mulroney miracle in Quebec -- how, in the space of an election he, like a casino dealer spreading out the cards and flipping them, transformed red to blue.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Saint Ronald of Tampico (670)
This hero worship combined with a shameless distortion of facts is chilling. If the media can turn a second-rate President into a legendary figure of compelling wisdom in a week, what else can they do?
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Working Dads 'do' list (570)
Are you a stay-at-home dad? Do you pride yourself in flouting traditional gender roles by being the primary caregiver and household manager? At the same time, do you wish you had taken a few Home-Ec classes so you would know the difference between basting a turkey and basting a hemline?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Seek you the simple leek (600 words)
Unlike the occasionally sharp bite of a scallion or onion, the leek imparts delicate, garlic infused taste when used correctly.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Remember the Alamo, eh? Vote on June 20 (580)
"Surrender!" they cry. "You cannot win." We answer with cannon shots. Pata-ping, Pata-poom, Pata-pouf!
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Wild speculation on sponsorship consequences (860)
Permit us a bit of wild speculation in suggesting that a wayward plan to keep Quebec in Canada could very well end up precipitating another battle over sovereignty.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Where you live is where you vote (480)
When the Canadian government decided to institute a permanent voters list everyone was all smiles.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Eat right from your back lawn and save (650 words)
No matter how you slice it, the price of gas will even impact the price of pizza as outlets download increased costs for delivery.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Which way to the wasabi? (670)
Among the beef, pork, and chicken were bison meat and horse meat. Emily, my oldest, conceded that she might try bison but never the horse. We've had this conversation before. On the rare occasions Deb and I have lamb chops, I like to hold up the meat and go "Baa-a-a…," which usually generates a sneer.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Two minds on two-tier health care in Quebec (740)
According to a Leger marketing survey released this week, Quebecers are in fact wild for private health care, much wilder than anyone else in Canada.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Old Time Hockey (775)
Maybe the reason nobody watches hockey anymore is because of helmets and mouthpieces. I mean who would watch boxing if Tyson had to wear a helmet? He'd have a heck of a time getting at his opponent's ear if it was covered in three inches of foam padding.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Buns of cornmeal (650)
A new gym opened in town recently called Figures. It's for women only, along the lines of the competing franchise Curves. It's doing a bang-up business, or at least I believe it is about the only businesses around here I'm not allowed to enter. That and the hair salon downtown ever since the "Blue Rinse Episode."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Lobster: the red-shelled treat (580 words)
What has two claws and a tail and costs as much as a bottle of good red wine? A lobster, of course.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand. Only one way to show 'em - at the ballot box (600)
The bullies who shove laws down our throats count on our apathy. They laugh at us. They spit in our faces. They are confident we will never get thirty-five per cent of all registered voters to bother to vote.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Conservative quest for Quebec seats (745)
Minority government scenarios being spun at this early stage of the federal campaign in Canada assume the Conservatives will do well in Ontario and in the west but be shut out in Quebec.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Iced Frappuccino hits the spot (400 words)
The arrival of iced coffees on the East coast a couple of years back signaled our desire to be as hip as the West coast where wide-eyed and zoomed coffee slurpers unite.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Ah, those DVD 'extras' (680)
We were tickled in the Murray house earlier this year to get our first DVD player. This is a giant leap technology-wise. We don't even have cable in our house.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Electrode Diplomacy (750)
What a bizarre pass we have come to in this country. I wouldn't have believed you if you had said that our military would be torturing and sexually abusing incarcerated Iraqis.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Paul Martin's unfinished business in Quebec (800)
the Liberal problem in Quebec seems to go beyond the fleeting sleaze of the sponsorship affair. What's at work seems to be, at least at this early stage of the campaign, a case of Quebecers exercising their democratic right to punish the Liberal government without actually having to chose an alternative.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
It's Spring - get that fridge cleaned (785 words)
Have you got a science experiment growing somewhere in your refrigerator?
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Screwed? Yes. Hey, have some Montreal lemonade… (580)
Fiendishly clever, I thought. While the French press blindly accuses the de-merger forces of being a recidivist group of anglophones, the ex-leader of the Equality Party himself is quietly taking over Montreal City Hall - and fifty per cent of the province - from inside. This stroke of Machiavellian misdirection won my profound respect.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Remembering an excellent lady (350)
I introduced myself to her and she said she remembered me and promptly demanded an accounting of my life since graduation some two decades previously.
John Mahoney edits the Log Cabin Chronicles.
A tale of two (merged) cities (680)
When it was first announced it created quite a stir, since why in the world would China's biggest enterprise want to set up shop in Drummondville of all places - jewel of the St. Francis River as it is.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
On cherries, pigs, and why I was fired (500)
I've only been fired once in my life. That's not counting the newspaper that folded just before Christmas and left both me and Santa holding the bag.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Take the money and run (640)
Welcome to the CIBC Disgruntled Customer Hotline. For service in English, press 1. For service in French, press 2. If you are a rural customer, press 3 and we will try and talk a little slower for you.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
On the island of Hispaniola (485 words)
We could learn a thing or two from Latin Americans, as I found out recently on my sojourn to the Dominican Republic. Hispaniola is a place that runs on its own schedule and by my reckoning Canadians would be a little less stressed out if we adopted some worthwhile Spanish practices.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
A tale of two (merged) cities (780)
As incredible as it may seem, David Miller is the first Toronto mayor in at least fifteen years to pay an official visit to the mayor of Quebec City.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Eye Op II (580)
I'm feeling vulnerable, sitting half-naked in the OR lounge (Ha! Talk about euphemisms.). I'm waiting for the surgeon to slice open my eyeball, suck out the old cloudy lens, and slip in a piece of expensive plastic that promises to restoreth my vision to the eagle-eyed days of yore.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Into Hell's Garden (800)
Rain forest camping was discussed. While sitting behind my computer in my air-conditioned study this seemed like jolly fun. Walk a few miles to a leafy glade, set up camp with the help of various guides and porters, then caper about identifying birds of paradise, butterflies, and furry mammals of every stripe. Not as adrenaline-pumping as catching a 50-pound tarpon but efficacious nonetheless.
Jim Austin is a nature lover in Putney, Vermont.
French & the way she is written (590)
I have a friend who argues that if Bill 101 was about preserving the language of his ancestors, instead of the language of France, he might be more sympathetic.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Lying gets you nowhere - fast (680)
When I was 23, I was arrested in Toronto for stealing a fire extinguisher from a subway station. I would have got away with it, too, if I hadn't started spraying my friend just as a cop car drove by.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The chill of convergence (630)
I have a hot story to tell, but I feel a chill coming on.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Dire warnings from Mom (400)
My mother is the Cassandra of our family. I say that for two reasons. She can see into the future and what she sees is never good.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Crispy balsamic breast of duck (400 words)
It's that time of year when some days the weather is better suited to ducks. The other evening on my way home from work I waited at a red light in the pouring rain and noticed that a few good-sized quackers had adopted a flooded area at the intersection of Highway 20 and Don Quichotte Boulevard.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Are you eligible for the Retroactive Rebate Rebate? (625)
Congratulations for choosing Quebec's Simplified 2003 Income Tax Return. This guide provides all the information, pie charts, algorithms, and divinations you need to complete as many of your tax calculations as possible before you finally give up in frustration and hire a real accountant do it for you.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Maudit anglais buys "La Maudite" beer (700)
Is a nationalist rebellion brewing over beer in Quebec? That all depends on how many suds-swilling sovereignists heed the cry to boycott Unibroue's fine array of grog.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Using thumbscrews for science. Right. (400)
A perfect example of being over-employed came up recently when a bunch of scientists in Great Britain took the time, and probably a hefty government grant, to figure out pain is less intense when it's administered by a woman. Researchers placed forty people in a thumb screw and had either a man or a woman do the twisting.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Maple Pie once a day is not enough (450words)
Not only a wonderful topping for pancakes, waffles and French toast, maple syrup is often destined for inclusion in any recipe that calls for a sweetener. The following recipe makes for a very good pie and I suggest you serve up a slice with a side of vanilla ice cream at your next spring dinner party.
This recipe is as easy as . . . well. . . pie.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Bernard Landry: Leader, interrupted? (650)
Party vice-president Marie Malavoy -- already on record for desiring a purge of the PQ's elders, in other words, Landry -- has asked the 67-year-old sovereignist warrior to "clarify his intentions" by the end of summer, presumably once he's returned from his European honeymoon after marrying his girlfriend of three years, Chantal Renaud.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Insurance fascists get control (450)
I smoke a pipe. As a consequence I cough more than I should, my clothes smell like a pipe and I pay more for life insurance.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Book borrowing banned, borrowers buggered (670)
"These libraries are devious," said the senator, who has also championed a bill to prevent newspaper subscribers from passing on their copies to sisters/nephews/postal workers. He is perhaps most famous for backing the Ebert Bill, which forces mandatory thumb-ectomies on film reviewers who give away endings.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Blowing harp with Bill Macy (600)
Having a few beers with a friend. We hear about a film shoot on the lakeshore. Some celebrity like Bruce Willis? No, William H. Macy - a real actor. On our way home we drive by. Too late.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Asparagus: good Spring eating (485 words)
Now that Spring has arrived, you'll notice that local groceries are displaying bright green spears of asparagus. Nicely washed and tightly wrapped bundles glisten and tempt you like beautiful flower arrangements.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Wither Charest and the Quebec Liberals? (700)
On April 14 the Liberal government of Jean Charest celebrates the first anniversary of its election victory. Celebrates may be a bit of a stretch, since polls show if another election were held today Charest would be looking for another job - perhaps returning to the federal Conservatives.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
What in hell are we doing? (500)
The real problem with the NEWS-VT landfill in Coventry, Vermont, is not Casella Waste Management's expansion plan. The real problem is you and me. Truth is, we're garbage addicts. But we don't want it buried in our backyards.
John Mahoney edits the Log Cabin Chronicles.
Canada deals with avian flu threat (430)
This means killing off 17 million potential hosts, i.e. all the hens roosters, ducks, and geese in the region. Whether this will work or whether the government is going off half-cocked, or half-henned, isn't known for sure.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Disney: It's all about death & dying (650)
Walt Disney is dead. And he wants you to join him.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Green Jacket Blues (640)
The 2004 Master's at Augusta National is a few days away. Last year's event was besmirched in the eyes of many by the feud between Chairman "Hootie" Johnson and feminist, some say "radical" feminist, Martha Burke.
Jim Austin putts around in Putney, Vermont.
I'll be calling you (600 words)
SHERBROOKE, QC | Trying to find a job in Sherbrooke when you don't speak French is like trying to find your way from Toronto to Halifax without a sense of direction: it's going to take a lot of luck and help.
Hannah Koh is a student at Bishop's University in Lennoxville, Quebec.
Yummy 'cat-poop' treats (380 words)
You may not want to make these cookies. Hell, you may not even want to read about them.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Activists kill dwarf-tossing bash (200)
The Annual Tossing of the Dwarves Day celebration here was abruptly cancelled early this morning following court action by an activist group.
John Mahoney edits this digital rag.
Sweetness and anger in the sugar shacks (800)
It's the maple syrup war and tempers are rising like sap on a warm spring day.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Sayonara Sheik (700) Israel's policy of killing off the leaders of Hamas is exactly the same as the US is trying like hell to do against the leaders of Al Quaeda.
Jim Austin writes up a storm in Putney, Vermont.
No pet lover, I (650)
To my surprise, I've discovered I'm a pet agnostic. I don't much like the critters. I've had a feline falling out, a pet peeve, a canine crisis of faith.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The luck & the stew of the Irish (375 words)
Irish folk have a reputation for telling good jokes and enjoying life in general. They dance as if no one is watching and sing as if no one is listening. Fortunately for us here in Quebec, there is no shortage of Irish goodwill or Irish-influenced food and music.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Rebuilding the Bloc in Quebec (720)
Serge Menard, someone with a proven talent for reading a jury, has now decided to end his semi-retirement and jump back into politics -- with the Bloc Quebecois. He says he expects the PQ to be back in power in four years and the party will then win a referendum on sovereignty.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
The eye in the storm (560)
This painless procedure, Dr. Laser assures him, will get rid of the tiny opaque nasties left over from the cataract surgery/lens implant he did last December. Johnny is enthused about the prospects, if not the procedure. He assures the Silver Fox they will be on their way home long before dark.
John Mahoney edits the Log Cabin Chronicles with one eye these days.
Bada bing, bada bang (600)
In preparation for a performance in front of political writers we organized a fact-finding mission to Ottawa. After all, before we performed for the American Society of Colorectal Surgeons they asked us to watch a procedure so that we would get our facts right.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
lard Lad Redux (770)
"Done" mumbled Stevie as he snapped off a bite of Ryvita wafer into the phone. Incidentally, Ryvita is a multi-grain compressed rectangular cracker containing few calories, tasting like the shingles on a chicken coop, and favored by dieters and other masochists the world over.
Jim Austin weighs in down in Putney, Vermont.
What's in a name? (650)
Many readers may be asking themselves, "Alphonse" - in my mind, all readers are named Alphonse; don't ask me why - "Alphonse, how could it be that the former owner and editor of The Stanstead Journal is suddenly writing a column for the competition?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer and consultant living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Canadian opponents of Vermont landfill expansion make the issue international (750)
NEWPORT, VT | Opposition to the massive dump expansion plan in the Lake Memphremagog watershed here went international Thursday evening in a big way.
John Mahoney edits the Log Cabin Chronicles.
New moves for the Our Thing gang (430)
This way, American-born would-be Michael Corleones can pick up the essential traditions: the wrapping of dead fish, garroting, usury, how to correctly place a horse head in a bed.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Student supports angry faculty
but hopes for a short strike (550)
LENNOXVILLE, QC | The first-ever faculty strike at Bishop's University here has a Lyndon Institute alumna from Vermont a tad worried.
John Mahoney edits the Log Cabin Chronicle.
White elephant on the loose (665)
The Quebec government has launched a hunt into what happened to some $300 million of taxpayers money lost in a botched industrial scheme - about $1.8 million for each job that was supposed to be created.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Focaccia: Healthy, tasty, and not out of a box (800 words)
Sorry, but no television ad is going to convince me that a frozen pie in a box is as good as take-out or a homemade pizza.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
American Gulag (700)
Our American gulag at Guantanamo is a glaring testament to the hypocrisy the world sees in America every day.
Jim Austin of Putney, Vermont, calls it the way he sees it.
Bishop's University lobbies Quebec for money (475)
A busload of BU faculty, staff, and students presented a united front this week to the government while seeking more funding for higher education.
Greg Dempsey is a senior at Bishop's University. He is editor in chief of the student newspaper, The Campus, and a staff member of The Local News, an on-line newspaper produced by the webjourjalism class.
Fighting featured in Quebec senior hockey league (770)
The QSMHL, also known as the Quebec semi-pro league, features what some purists of pugilism might call good old-time style hockey, where fights are as much as part of the entertainment for the crowd as the finesse.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Death by Velcro (625)
I developed a substantial yearning for buttered popcorn heavily dosed with parmesan cheese, and my favorite caramel candy was on hand.
Frances Bevency Errion writes in Buskirk, New York. A Luddite, she is e-mailess.
Put the curlers in charge, eh? (400)
They don't pollute, they'd never try to take over anyone else's sheet of ice, and they own up when they break the rules.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
The satisfying feeling of a Sunday dinner on a Wednesday night (420 words)
We are spoiled here as the offerings are many and prices are good. My local super-sized supermarket makes choosing a simple dinner for two a trial in fiscal balance as I navigate the many sections and try to make a decision that will allow two important functions -- I need quick, and easy.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
The Kids of Summer Cometh (590)
Baseball is a great game for kids. It provides friendly competition and teaches them lessons that they don't learn at school. Lessons they can only learn by living through.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Power hunger in Quebec, shortages at Hydro (700)
Ten years ago Quebec's Crees won a huge victory. After a determined campaign that saw protesters paddle canoes to the United Nations in New York City, Jacques Parizeau's Parti Québécois government beached the 3200 MW Great Whale River hydro-power project.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Skull vs bones (600)
Eight months of attack ads, prevarication, and posturing lies ahead of us all. I, for one, am not looking forward to it.
Jim Austin is already electioned-out in Putney, Vermont.
Affinity group: Poutine, potatoes, potholes (550 words)
The state of Quebec roads leaves a bad taste in mouths across the province as craters wreak havoc. I just may have a solution that will save municipalities and the government tons of bucks in road repair costs.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Yeah, but it's hard to hit a moving target (430)
Take my word for it -- nothing good can come of moving. That's why I wasn't looking forward to the latest CBC move - our fourth in fifteen years, if you don't count temporarily changing floors at 250 Grande-allée.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Vendetta at the bank (750)
By now, Canadians are familiar with the broad strokes of the case: how respected bank president Beaudoin was hounded, harassed, and forced out of his job because he refused to buckle under extreme political pressure to approve a loan for the financially troubled Auberge Grand'Mere, which [former Prime Minister] Jean Chretien once co-owned.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
A breast full of dollars (575)
The American breast may have been made of silicone but the Canadian breast was full of tax dollars.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Gallivanting Gourmand's Wing Dingers (600 words)
The thing is, even the biggest of birds has one shortcoming. It only has two wings.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Canadian plea: 'Don't enlarge your dump' (650)
NEWPORT, VT | A Quebec environmental group has urged a Vermont regulatory board to reject plans to expand the Green Mountain state's largest landfill, which is in the Lake Memphremagog watershed.
John Mahoney edits the Log Cabin Chronicles.
On Myriam Bedard's trail (700)
Ten years ago this week the country stood in awe as a tiny woman from Quebec showed a pack of European amazons a thing or two about skiing and shooting.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
I know nothing, I see nothing (420)
Could it be, I wondered, that the average Canadian, resident of a nation with one of the highest literacy rates in the world, has never read a paper?
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Catch phrase gets two thumbs up (300)
Why is John Kerry leading the Democrat's push for the White House? It's the catch phrase, stupid.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer based in Stanstead, Quebec.
Gimme fats, gimme sugar everytime (400 words)
Disclaimer: Neither this columnist nor the LCC will be held responsible for the unethical treatment and consumption of sugar, yeast, fat and chocolate. Nor does this column serve as an endorsement for Krispy Kreme. The writer reserves the right to sample and comment on doughnuts he deems appropriate and worthy.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
10 Do Nots for Male Lovers on V-Day (485)
Oh sure, if we're lucky, we eventually meet Mr. or Ms. Right. But along the way, for every Prince or Princess Charming, there's a whole lot of frogs.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
The "what-ifs" of Claude Ryan (800)
The first question would be "what if" Ryan, then the powerful editor of Le Devoir, had not led the campaign in Quebec against the constitutional agreement-in-principle, three years in the making, that Bourassa had signed in Victoria in 1971.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Patriot Act (790)
Such a game already. Maybe the best Super Bowl ever. It was also a moment in the sun for my wretched brother in law.
Jim Austin gets it on in Putney, Vermont.
Sweetie, you want to dip some? (650 words)
Why not plan a classic dinner for two and cozy up on the couch for a movie? And here's a tip for the guys: now is your chance to make good on that promise to watch that romantic drama that she has been after you about. Bridges of Madison County anyone?
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Be here now or, I once had a crush on Vampira (575)
Maybe you were thinking of a loved one. Or, remembering something that altered your life years ago. Or simply ruminating about how we are all being royally screwed by the government.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
On the lazy river (400)
I'm not talking lazy like throwing your pudding cup at the garbage can, missing, and leaving it on the floor. I'm talking lazy like, starving to death because you didn't want to put the energy into pulling back all that foil.
Sean Nardella attends Bishop's University in Lennoxville, Quebec. He is a reporter for The Local News, the on-line newspaper of the students in the webjournalism class.
The prodigal Lib (720)
It would be pretty easy for a lot of people - including, we suspect, some MPs and ministers in Paul Martin's government - to be upset, outraged or confused by the federalist rehabilitation of Bloc Québécois founding member and later anti-Chretien dirt-leaking mole Jean Lapierre.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Half-time ain't what it used to be (400)
Personally, I hate marching bands but if it comes down to a choice between John Philip Sousa and Janet Jackson's right mammary, hand me a tuba.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Old Yeller & Calamity James (700)
It's the non-justified yelling that I need to work on. Take James again. He whistles constantly - a shrill one-note cantata that feels like getting a tooth drilled during a hangover.
Ross Murray is is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, Quebec. You can reach him at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Dear Voters (750)
The voters in this country are morons, apparently. They are just like those bidders on Ebay after a phony girlfriend.
Jim Austin gets it on in Putney, Vermont.
The end of food as we know it? (650 words)
There's not going to be much left to eat soon, some say. Researchers have been hard at work to find all manner of bad things in our favorite foods. I'm all for food safety and I appreciate warnings about potential danger but I just can't help wonder if there are some conspiracies afoot.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Quebec actor Girard not grumbling about success (750)
The Hollywood aristocracy best hope that "Paul Bougon" stays home and it's Rémy Girard that shows up for the Academy Awards presentations. Otherwise some of Tinseltown's stars' might be light some "bling bling."
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
The Darwin Awards (550)
The awards are handed out to individuals who, by their own stupidity, end up doing themselves an injury, or, in some cases doing themselves in, thereby elevating the level of what remains of the gene pool.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Dean doomed (700)
I'd vote for Lizzie Borden if I thought she could give Bush forty whacks.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec on Conservative leadership race sidelines (690)
Belinda Stronach confirms what appears to be the new Conservative Party of Canada's "Rolling Stone" strategy in Quebec, with thanks to Bob Dylan: "When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose."
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Service, like they mean it (600)
There is a gas station in my local village that epitomizes customer service for me. And so I don't even look at the current price per litre when I gas up there. Because our relationship is more important.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Did I ever tell you about warm? (500)
Once upon a time I lived in the West Indies.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Contumelious Bastard (675)
I'm sorry, but the Iowa primary has got to wait. I have to talk about a moral degenerate who isn't fit to scrub toilets in a Calcutta whorehouse. No, I'm not talking about George W. Bush.
Jim Austin is some pissed off in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec snowmobile deaths: Too fast, too furious (760)
One in 5000 snowmobilers in Quebec dies as a result of an accident involving a snowmachine, compared to one in 6000 for road vehicles.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Gung Hey Fat Choy (Happy New Year) (500 words)
The Year of the Monkey is upon us and no matter how tempted you are, this does not mean that you can act like one.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Hell is other people's pets (570)
Most households knew these past two weeks as the 'holiday season.' But in my house they were known as the 'allergy season.' Not because trees or ragweed are growing in my living room, but because, to paraphrase Jean Paul Sartre: Hell is other people's pets.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Amnesia (715)
It is as if the first thing governments do is set up a Department of Asinine Choices which is designed to run contrary to the state's best interests.
Jim Austin writes from Putney, Vermont.
CFB Valcartier: from Vimy to Kabul (700)
It's doubtful the 1900 troops from CFB Valcartier headed for Afghanistan later this month would pelt Defence Minister David Pratt with a rain of litter as he delivers a send-off pep talk.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Squirrels, they are the nuts (500)
I've always been fascinated by squirrels. They're the Flying Wallendas of the animal kingdom.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
You say you want a resolution? (600)
I resolve once again to reduce the circumnavigation distance around the old waistline. The abdominal equator currently has two time zones. Dunkin' Donuts will henceforth be regarded as a house of ill repute.
Jim Austin writes from Putney, Vermont.
Out with the old and in with the new (500 words)
The year 2004 promises good things for foodies everywhere and while there are holdover and hanger- on trends from 2003, tables will explode with healthy and creative flair. Here are my predictions of trends and attitudes that will parlay themselves into kitchens and homes in the coming year.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Annual Quebec Quiz 2003 (960)
At just about this time last year Mario Dumont, the Icarus of Quebec politics, was starting to smell his singed feathers, Bernard Landry was beginning to inflate for what he thought might be a gentle balloon ride to a third majority and Jean Charest was trying to get his craft off the ground. Suffice it to say it's been a high-flying spin round the sun for Quebec politics.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Even a blind squirrel can find the odd acorn (720)
My yuppie brother-in-law called to gloat last week after Hussein had been dug out of his spider hole. The B-I-L is one of those not so rare dimbulbs who votes Republican just in case he ever gets rich.
Jim Austin writes from Putney, Vermont.
You do not want fries with that, right? (420)
Maybe it's time someone points out that the cheese curd and french fries in a poutine don't fulfill the daily requirement for dairy and vegetable in Health Canada's food guide.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
A Quebec City Christmas Carol (800)
It doesn't take too much imagination to picture parts of present day Quebec City as they were in 1842 when Charles Dickens came to visit. The narrow cobblestone streets within the walls of the old city, the stone and brick buildings scarcely changed, save for meticulous restorations, since they were built by workmen centuries ago, combine to create a unique museum-like village.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Gravyman gets his horn blown (650 words)
Life isn't a bowl of gravy folks. Sometimes no matter how hard you try that gravy at the family holiday meal turns out lumpy seven times out of ten according to experts. Who knew a panel of professional gravy lickers existed?
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Having a Blue commercial Christmas is OK (580)
Each Christmas, predictable columns and editorials articulate a general disapproval of the commercialization of the holy season. But I like the commercialization of Christmas.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
On getting Saddam, that old softy (420)
I don't know about you but I wasn't surprised Saddam came to his end as T. S. Eliot said, "not with a bang but a whimper." Like most bullies, Saddam, when someone finally stood up to him, couldn't throw in the towel fast enough.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Canada's man-in charge: Master & Commander (800)
You would think Quebec would have little to reason to grumble about cabinet representation, seeing as it has provided a prime minister to the country for roughly forty of the past fifty years (St. Laurent, Trudeau, Mulroney, and Chretien -- you may want to include John Turner's eighty days, since he held a Montreal riding for three elections).
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Brain transplant (640)
Our administration was about as subtle as a case of genital herpes. Paul Wolfowitz, the Freddie Krueger of the Bush Administration, hauled out the megaphone and announced to the world that the four countries named above would not be allowed to play with the other kids.
Jim Austin writes from Putney, Vermont.
Down, Fang, down! (350 words)
I think Santa would approve of giving our family pets something good to eat on Christmas Eve and I know most families set out stockings for Rover and Minou. I have witnessed kitty cats rolling in catnip with wide- eyed abandon at 7 a.m. on a Christmas morning while Mom and Dad sip special coffee.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Misterman, if you live in snow country, you owe it to yourself to get a Snohoe.
You know how it is: on a winter morning you go outside and the car is covered with fresh snow. Which you must remove before driving to town to replenish your liquor cabinet.
John Mahoney edits the Log Cabin Chronicles.
Chretien soldiered onward, in Quebec (750)
From a province that in 1995 came to within 50,000 votes of opening the door to a constitutional crisis unlike any seen before in this country, a strong majority of Quebecers have come to believe there is still some promise to this Canada thing.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Get off our backs, eh? (480)
True freedom also means you can spend days on the couch with a pack of Rothmans and a bottle of Molson watching reruns of the "price is right" and eating jalapeno-flavoured ripple chips.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Bits & Pieces (580)
After living in Canada for some thirty years I can tell you that their pills are just as good as ours. The problem is that Canadian pills are cheaper.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Dullsville? Boringtown? Nah, it's Ottawa (580)
There is never a dull moment in Ottawa. Years? Yes. But moments - no. But residents are proud that their city is dull. They say, defiantly: if you want to party you can "go to Hull." After all, a city that never sleeps is a city of sin.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Friends, exchange cookies and smiles (650 words)
And now, just in time for those Christmas parties -- a holiday cookie exchange…the perfect way to simplify baking and have fun doing it.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Charest challenging Quebec's unions (700)
The reason the Quebec labour movement is upset to the point where leaders declare "nuclear war" and some members feel they must ransack the offices of government MNAs and rampage down the halls of a children's hospital is they fear Jean Charest is the Grinch who wants to steal some of labour's sacred rights.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Hands off my heroes (450)
Another myth is about to bite the dust. Apparently a group of amateur historians in Britain want to open up the grave of what may be the last Saxon king of England.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
A 'Vision' of English education (750)
Five new English schools are to open in Quebec next year, in places like Thetford Mines, Kingsey Falls, and Levis...they are arising out of a grassroots demand for English-language education coming from francophone parents. The catch, of course, is that these are private schools, where an annual tuition of as much as $5000 will buy the attentive student a ticket to the bilingual stars.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Bush-itis (740)
The US body politic is riddled with disease. The symptoms are everywhere. The diagnosis is Bush-itis.
Jim Austin writes and runs in Putney, Vermont.
How I miss the apostrophe (520)
The first girl would yell "give me a 'b'!" Then she'd twist around, bend over, and flip up her skirt to reveal a purple letter 'B' on her white-pantied backside.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Giggles are good for you (590)
I had to go to Alberta to make people laugh. It's a tough job but someone has to do it. Actually, Alberta is a wonderful place. People are friendly and happy. And taxes are so much lower. Hmmm.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Martin's Quebec cabinet material (800)
With the date for the swearing-in now fixed for less than a month hence, at least two dozen MPs in the Quebec Liberal caucus will make damned sure their cell phone batteries are charged waiting for a call from The Paul. Many, though, would prefer not to take a certain call knowing their days as a favoured centurion under the slain Caesar have come to an end.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Another fun Republican heard from (720)
It is stunning when you piece together the pattern of right-wing atrocities that this regime has perpetrated on this country. The U.S. has people in jail without trial or representation. We have alienated the member countries of the UN Human rights are eroding and the right-wing media are hoorahing like storm troopers on Kristalnacht.
Jim Austin writes and runs in Putney, Vermont.
Put a little zing in your life - eat some horseradish (450 words)
This root helps keep the flu and cold at bay while keeping the sinuses open and although it is usually served as a condiment, it always packs a punch when used in sauces or as a rub for a winter rib roast.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Paul Martin: Quebec's favourite adopted son (720)
He's got the farm in the Eastern Townships, the mansion in Westmount and the riding in working-class Montreal. He used to manage the Davie shipyard in Levis, a subsidiary of Paul Desmarais' Power Corporation, before he unloaded it on government bailer-outers. As a Power employee and then president and eventual owner of Canada Steamship Lines he frequented company fishing camps in the Saguenay and on Anticosti Island.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Drive-by Honking (680)
I'm up at 6:30 a.m., slather the thighs with vaseline to combat "chub rub", secure the walkman, set the pedometer and I'm off. This morning my route was three miles on River Road over a blessedly level surface.
Jim Austin runs and writes in Putney, Vermont.
Coincidence? Are you sure? (560)
A biography of the prime minister of Canada reveals that he would not have accepted a slim separatist victory in the last referendum and might even have sent in the Canadian army to protect Canadians still living in Quebec.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Remembering Victory Gardens (575 words)
There are lessons to be learned from history and perhaps Remembrance Day is the perfect opportunity. How many of us remember a time when gardening was not so much an activity of leisure and stress- busting but rather a call for action?
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Mario Dumont, again (380)
Quebec's political version of Doogie Howser put it this way: Action Democratique would be somewhere between "separation And submission."
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Torpedoed at sea 60 years ago, Nursing Sister relives that dreadful day (850)
Her life as an army nursing sister may not have been as romantic as the one in The English Patient, but Jeanne Caron's war experience in much the same settings was very real, very rewarding. and very nearly deadly. Caron was a survivor of one of the most dramatic sea rescues of Canadians in the Second World War, the sinking of the S.S. Santa Elena.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Lillian, a Thanksgiving Story (550)
Looking out the kitchen window this bright October morning, I see Lillian, our turkey, scanning the sky for enemies. She is our only turkey. She shares the old chicken house with a varied and diminished flock - three hens, a rooster, and three guineas.
Frances Errion writes in Buskirk, New York.
Eatin' High Down East (500 words)
Could it be? Had I found the world's best-kept secret? How could I have been so ignorant of such an obviously profound culinary treat? A happy pub patron confirmed my suspicions and the truth was revealed. What you see is what you get when you order deep-fried pepperoni Down East. Sliced, greasy and ever so tasty, I ate the whole basket myself.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Quebec's 'revenge of the cradle' now at the mercy of immigrants (750)
In short, the problem is young Quebecers -- when they do couple up, are not coupling enough to replenish the population. Those who don't abort (more than thirty terminations per 100 live births), spend a fortune to adopt in China or Romania.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Ah, to be on the Restigouche River with all the Libs (500)
You know you really have to wonder what's going on at the Irving family's fishing camp on the Restigouche River. It appears that more cabinet ministers show up there, fly rod in hand, than turn up at cabinet meetings in Ottawa.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Quebec Liberals: The We Didn't Mean It Party (585)
In China they would have an ornate name like: the Don't Blame Us When We Stick A Knife In Your Back Because That's What We Always Do Party.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Award-winning Stanstead Journal editor out of a job - owner says Ross Murray 'resigned' (200)
STANSTEAD, QC | The veteran editor of the 158-year-old Stanstead Journal says he has been "mentally fired" by the new owner, Jean-Yves Durocher of Rock Island.
John Mahoney is editor of the LCC.
Canada's missing link (830)
Tom Kierans might be accused of having tunnel vision. By that we don't mean the 91-year-old Montreal-born engineer is narrow-minded. Au contraire. Kierans thinks big, 17 kilometres-big. That happens to be the width of the Strait of Belle Isle which separates Newfoundland from Labrador and Quebec and onward to the rest of the Western Hemisphere.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Fowl Weather (665 words)
There is a glaze in the eye of every hunter I know at this time of year. You might recognize the look and the twitch. Eyes watery with anticipation and a far away focus, trigger finger at the ready.
Baseball...and curses (710)
Who in the hell is Aaron Boone? He sounds like a Jewish frontiersman, not a baseball player. Like everyone else in New England I was taking a tentative breath in the bottom of the eleventh inning when this lightweight came to bat.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
How scurvy shaped Canada (810)
"...had scurvy not weakened the Royal Navy to the point where a blockade of French and Spanish ships was rendered impossible, the American colonies would not have won their rebellion, at least not so quickly and on such extraordinarily generous terms."
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Faced with a 25 lb. turkey, I reached for... (515)
I don't know if you've ever come across a twenty-five pound turkey but let me tell you, this bird could have walked the forest primeval with little fear.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Thanks for the turkey trivia (475 words)
The truth is out. Turkey doesn't make you tired, it's the fact that when you combine it with all those carbohydrates and starch that napping messages are released to your brain and you feel sleepy.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
The end of the world as we know it (580)
It seems that these theories have a real use: to get other people to do what you want them to do. In this case: don't drive a car and live in the suburbs. Be like me. Live downtown and ride a bike.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Turkey? How about some Good Cheer? (850)
If ever there was a holiday in search of a myth it would be the Canadian version of Thanksgiving.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
" And Youppi never groped a co-worker" (500)
The fact that otherwise normal people - well, as normal as they come in California - flocked to the banner of Conan the Barbarian is something altogether different -- it sets the tone for future elections.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
"With half his brain tied behind his back" (690)
What was your reaction when Rush Limbaugh resigned from ESPN on the same day that he was accused of using black market prescription drugs?
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Tim's sex column to start your week (500)
The fact that the French, at 167 times per year, once again, 'claim' to have sex more often than anyone else is a given. Every nation needs its myths. What really concerns me, however, is that Canadians - on average - claim to be doing it 150 times a year…three times a week.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
APPLE PIE ONCE A DAY IS NOT ENOUGH (380 words)
"But I, when I undress me
Each night, upon my knees
Will ask the Lord to bless me
With apple-pie and cheese."
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
A. Bachand's lonesome Tory blues (650)
André Bachand and Jean Charest have a few things in common. One is that they both ran for the leadership of the Progressive Conservative Party of Canada.
Peter Black is a writer/broadcaster based in Quebec City.
The Intrepid Trio, in search of Autumn Color, meets Bronson Johnson, the Seamless Gutter King of Milton, and the Sky God of Northern Vermont (1200)
We came to the mountain in search of autumn color only to have our visual delights cut short too soon by the capricious Sky God of northern Vermont. Our Intrepid Trio was not disappointed, no, for not only did we glimpse fine foliage but we met up with Bronson Johnson, the Seamless Gutter King from Milton.
John Mahoney edits this digital rag.
I took my family to the Coaticook Gorge and all I got was this lousy panic attack (850)
Aging I can handle. Rogue hairs in my eyebrows, nose, and ears? Bring 'em on. That popping noise every time I bend down? Just my bones settling. What really distresses me is the fact that I have become a scaredy-cat.
Ross Murray edits Quebec's weekly Stanstead Journal.
Sharing the wealth -- governments operating for their own ends (575)
The redistribution of wealth means taking wealth from people who have it and giving it to people who don't. It presupposes the government knows better than those who have it. And it presupposes that the government will actually give it to those who need it before they squander it on irrational dreams or boneheaded incompetence.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Diplomatic debacle (620)
It all began when George Bush told the rest of the world to go to hell and refused to sign the Kyoto Accords. Despite the US being the biggest contributor to global warming on the planet, the Bush Administration thumbed their noses at the rest of the world.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Talking hockey (720)
Quebec City is even more of a sure thing to grab the biggest hockey tournament next to the Olympics, the Stanley Cup, and yes, even the Avco World Trophy (original reportedly now in the possession of former Jets owner Barry Shenkarow). That would be the 2008 IIHF Men's hockey tournament.
Peter Black is a writer/broadcaster based in Quebec City.
Joining up with Uncle Sam (550)
I got on the bus as 17-year-old Johnny Mahoney, wearing jeans and white bucks. Within minutes of getting off the bus I was sworn in as Pvt. John Mahoney, RA1127386, and I was pointed like a guided missile towards Easy Company of the 20th Infantry Regiment in Fort Ord, California.
John Mahoney edits this digital rag.
Don your mussel shirts and tuck in (480 words)
Coastal waters are cooling and a bounty of bi-valves is being harvested for tables across the country. Oysters, mussels, clams, and cockles are being propped atop crushed ice in virtually every grocery, their salty calcium-clad bodies waiting on your creative talent to put them to good use. If you love these creatures, then now is the best time to start cooking them.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Blue cheese on toast (570)
Thoughts while having breakfast.
Robert Gervais is a marketer in Calgary, Alberta.
Keystone Kapers (680)
Bush's ill-conceived, poorly implemented, and short-sighted invasion of Iraq could end in the kind of debacle we witnessed in Vietnam. Two years from now, after the loss of thousands of troops, will we see the last American soldier leaving the roof of the Baghdad Hilton on the struts of an Apache helicopter?
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec's B. Landry, up close and persecuted (680)
The truest thing one can say about the film hauteur d'homme is that there has never been anything like it -- and there likely never will be anything like it again. That's unless there's a political leader out there willing to strip naked and do a chicken dance on St. Catherine Street.
Peter Black is a writer/broadcaster based in Quebec City.
Ya gotta believe (650)
As New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof tells us Americans will believe just about anything: 47 percent of Americans believe that the Antichrist is on earth right now (is it Al Franken?), 48 percent believe in creationism (our President included), and 68 percent of Americans believe in the devil.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Civil disobedience - it's the way to go (586)
Last week, a hidden microphone caught this exchange at a meeting of the very secret West Island Warriors Society.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Johnny Cash: A coyote at a poodle party (360 words)
"He's like a coyote walking through a poodle party." That's how friend and fellow Highwayman, Kris Kristofferson, described Johnny Cash. Cash was one of, if not the, most recognized voices in the entire music world."
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Stairway to heaven: made by Quebec, paid for by France (660)
In five years Quebec City will celebrate a rather remarkable 400 years of existence, making it the oldest continuous settlement in North America north of the Rio Grande. But before that momentous event arrives, the current mayor of the old city will mark another major milestone.
Peter Black is a writer/broadcaster based in Quebec City.
All along the watch tower (980 words)
Friday evening, driving home alone, westward on the 148, I hear a few lines on the radio from a song I've loved for years, "…there must be some way out of here, said the joker to the thief…" Out of where? I've always wanted to know.
Fred Ryan publishes the Aylmer Bulleting and the West Quebec Post.
Quebec is as corny as it gets (480 words)
Here in Quebec, eating corn on the cob is a ritual. Huge gatherings are planned around the annual harvest and shucking begins. The thing is, you've got to get it on the fire or in the pot before all those sweet sugars turn to so much starch. Same-day picking and eating is the rule of thumb and once you have plowed through a pile or one of those large green net bags of the stuff, you have to figure out what to do with the rest.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
The Survival of America (780)
Never before have I felt a sense of embarrassment over my American citizenship. Worse yet is the feeling of suspicion over every move the government makes.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Was this Canadian aviator flying the unfriendly skies of Iraq? (730)
Now that the Iraq war is more or less over, it can now be revealed that my younger son and I were aboard one of those Iraq-whacking AWACS (Airborne Warning and Control System). Okay, so it was not actually in the Persian Gulf but at the recent Quebec City air show. Nevertheless, we did actually do a "tour" of duty on the airplane with the radar dome on top, courtesy of its tactical director -- the second in command of a 20-plus person crew -- one of those controversial Canadian armed forces members accused of aiding the U.S. war effort.
Peter Black is a writer/broadcaster based in Quebec City.
Oh, fudge! (650 words)
I don't give a darn if it cuts in to profits at dollar stores who's only raison d'etre is to flog cheap Asian child labor crap and convert spiritual holidays to wallet grabbing and excessive spending experiences.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
All'knotted up' in Montreal (585)
The work of R.D. Laing centered on the politics of the family. Specifically the way parents turn their kids into schizophrenics by denying the validity of the child's own personal experience. Because of the special parent-child relationship we now have between the government and citizens here this model fits like a glove. And it is slowly driving us nuts. The way our government always knows best. And how we cannot be trusted to make our own choices.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
It's about water quality (725)
The water to the west of Quebec City is rich in human waste, thanks mostly to municipal sewage system overflow after heavy rainfalls. Given the amount of rain in southern Quebec in the last few weeks, our long-distance swimmer may as well have been stroking through a giant cesspool.
Peter Black is a writer/broadcaster based in Quebec City.
The truth about money (350)
I've been buying American greenbacks for some months now in anticipation of a trip south of the border.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Those damned squirrels (420 words)
Yesterday was planned as harvest day and a good bruschetta along with a pesto sauce were on the menu. You can imagine my horror then when I happened on to the scene of the crime. Nary a bulb to be found.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Yes, we have no big tomatoes (860)
Puny plants I can deal with. But I want my tomatoes. I want sauces and sandwiches. I want a thick slice of beefsteak on a late-August burger.
Ross Murray is editor of Quebec's Stanstead Journal. He is not the Gardening Editor.
Quebec mulls Candu renew (750)
One might wonder why Quebec, which possesses one of the mightiest natural storehouses of hydro-electric power on the planet, would bother building a single nuclear reactor. This question would seem to be all the more relevant as Ontario runs its critically important and much-criticized nuke plants on low-hum and New Brunswick decommissions the only other commercial reactor in the land.
Peter Black is a writer/broadcaster based in Quebec City.
Beer is good, very good (380 words)
Ah, the hazy, lazy days of late summer. Grasshoppers dance and crickets sing while sunflowers droop under the weight of seed. Suburban lawns look like so much shredded wheat and men everywhere relish in a short reprieve from lawn mowing. What's a man to do but crack open a frosty while watching the grass grow ever so slowly?
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Seadoo Fascists (350)
"No," I told my grandson Ben, "it isn't legal to shoot them. You can't even fire a warning shot over their bows."
John Mahoney edits the Log Cabin Chronicles.
Look for Quebec's low university charges to be increased (760)
According to data Statistics Canada just released, Quebec's average undergraduate tuition for the 2003-04 academic year is $1862.
Peter Black is a writer/broadcaster based in Quebec City.
Three Ring Circus (760)
"Vee are goink to pump you up Sacramento" Arnold spoke these very words on the Tonight Show after he announced his candidacy for governor of California. They haven't had a candidate this weird since the great tectonic upheaval of 1936.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
All is not rosy in Quebec tennis (700)
Tennis, with its reputation as the sport of choice for the anglo country club set, would not appear to supply the critical mass of young players from which talented contenders emerge. But this is not the case. Tennis is a game that has roots and solid programs in virtually all regions of the province.
Peter Black is a writer/broadcaster based in Quebec City.
Your basic Tall Tomato story (480)
Ideal for the balcony she said. Grow it in a pot she said. Virtually no space she said. Just a little water she said. She had obviously never read Jack and the Bean Stalk.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Blueberry Bliss (580 words)
Fiords and crystal rivers make for wonderful picnics and a blueberry heaven. You may have to share your lunch with a bear mind you. I have seen bears munch blueberries by the paw full as they waddled through a laden patch while grunting, snorting and gorging, as they are prone to do. How they do this while swatting pesky black flies with one paw while managing to pick enough so as to fatten up for the winter is a feat of ingenuity.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Quebec's Federalist Premier challenging Canada's federal system (575)
It could happen, in this country where we have never really decided what we are: a colony, a republic, a dominion, or a federation.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Getting new wind in their sails (735)
Hurry, hurry, hurry! They're going fast! Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to scoop up a lovely well-built house at giveaway prices! Live in the natural splendour of one of Canada's most scenic areas! Fabulous hunting and fishing but minutes from your doorstep! Top of the line town services!
Peter Black is a writer/broadcaster based in Quebec City.
On the Rolling Stones and tourist gouging (475)
Driving from Quebec City to Niagara Falls wasn't so much a vacation -- I was more like navigating my way through the Canadian version of Prates of the Caribbean.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
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