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Log Cabin Chronicles
Archived Columns (2)
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Slain Quebec cop part of an impressive bunch of youngsters (580)
Officer Valerie Gignac's photograph was on the front page, her face full of ideals, full of hope, and full of the future. I felt like I knew her.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Some holiday advice (mostly bad) (680)
This week, I answer some of your holiday-related questions. And to Mrs. Post of Cookshire, QC: No, I will not say a personal hello to your kitty.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
QC's L'Allier takes a bow (840 words)
Samuel de Champlain died in the little settlement of Quebec on Christmas Day in 1635. Two years earlier, he had returned from a four-year sojourn in France to find a colony left in disarray and peril by England's invading Kirke brothers.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Canada's Powder Puff Derby 2005 (690)
Criticism of the recent All Leaders Debate in Canada has been fast and furious. Why are Canadians of either official language choosing Gil Grissom and CSI over the country's political elite?
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
It's barely rock 'n' roll but kids love it (690)
After three acts and two gratuitous F-words (hey, c'mon, there are kids in the house!), Simple Plan burst onstage with sirens, flashing red lights and a blinding strobe. The mother two seats over covered her eyes - probably suffering flashbacks from a 1976 Grateful Dead concert.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
There's gold in them thar' Quebec hills (600 words)
Goldcorp is also banking on the price of gold continuing its dazzling climb towards record levels and beyond, to what some analysts say could approach the previously unthinkable $1,000 an ounce mark. With Eleonore containing as much as 10 million ounces, Goldcorp can do the math.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
These are not Girl Scout Cookies, dearie (480 words)
A good cup of coffee can go along way towards helping you make it through a dark winter day. Personally, I hit the wall at about 3:00 in the afternoon as the season of diminished light progresses.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
On preventing colds by sneezing into the inside of your elbow (660)
It's somewhat unnerving when something you've been doing all your life turns out to be incorrect, obsolete, or at very least pooh-poohed. I remember feeling this way when I learned that throwing spaghetti against the wall was not an effective test for doneness.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Keep one card, destroy all others (800 words)
Random Acts of Observation by Dr. Anonymous.
Got your Air Miles card handy? The good doctor is annoyed by the proliferation of membership cards. Remember, you'll never know where you'll find the good doctor. Perhaps in line behind you at WalMart. Dining at the neighboring table. Returning a corked bottle of wine to the local supermarket. Stumbling out of the dentist's chair. But whereever the good doctor perambulates, rest assured that all five senses will be focused on the immediate experience and ready to assimilate any tainted data for another random act of observation...
Quebec's secessionists still 'addicted' to referendums (570)
Cocaine is a good metaphor for the whole PQ trip. It will make you nervous, hyper, and reckless. You will run up a huge debt you can never pay for and talk about how you will do things that everyone else knows you will never do.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Drop everything and put on a good broth (460 words)
There they were. A gaggle of coughing and spewing souls, waiting their turn to see the Doc. As I flipped through a sticky and ancient germ-laden Better Homes and Garden magazine I considered the age-old notion of chicken soup as a preventative and restorative measure against dreaded viruses.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Rattling the gilded cage in Quebec (760 words)
The hardest part about being a lieutenant governor, says Gilles Lamontagne, is being discreet.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Where there's a Will there's a Notary (665)
There was no particular epiphany that prompted us finally to say, "Let's do it." We happened to be in a notary's office for another matter and as we were preparing to leave he asked, "By the way, do you have a will?"
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Another minority government in Canada? (460)
That's right. Another federal election and the candidates are campaigning for all they're worth. But this time not even the boys in Las Vegas can handicap this race.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
All the scam artists aren't from Nigeria, eh? (500 words)
Random Acts of Observation by Dr. Anonymous.
You'll never know where you'll find the good doctor. Perhaps in line behind you at WalMart. Dining at the neighboring table. Returning a corked bottle of wine to the local supermarket. Stumbling out of the dentist's chair. But whereever the good doctor perambulates, rest assured that all five senses will be focused on the immediate experience and ready to assimilate any tainted data for another random act of observation...
Hockey and politics mix in Quebec (680 words)
There was a time not that long ago when calling the Montreal Canadiens "the Habs" would have been considered about as politically incorrect or downright racist as uttering any other ethnic slur.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Steak fit for royalty (600 words)
Shiraz Filet Mignon Steaks: Make sure you get cooking before you get into the wine too much as we have noticed that abilities in the process can be influenced somewhat (hic!).
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Will the real jerk please hang up (700)
I was already kind of cranky when the phone rang at suppertime. I was in the mood to mess with someone. "Hello?" I answered. Then there was that tell-tale pause that occurs just before someone at a call centre says "Good evening, could I speak to Mr. Murray, please?"
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Talk about ad scamming (500)
I don't know about you but nothing gets my goat quite as much as being taken for a fool.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Premiers Klein and Charest twinned on health care (730 words)
Jean Charest and Ralph Klein get along just fine. When the latter paid a visit this week to the former in Quebec City, it was smiles all around as they toasted each other's health - and each other's stand on health care policy.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
My lesson in civic democracy (590)
I am back, dear reader, after running for a city council spot in my district of Beaconsfield, Quebec. As Citizen Blue, I was embedded in the election process. I dipped my toes in the great democra-sea. But I did not win.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
I oughta be in pictures or, Movie Star moi (730)
The film opens in an East Coast town (the seedy section, the part without any Tim Hortons). We see a tenement surrounded by squalor. There might be rats, we're not sure...
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The loneliness of old kitchen tools (570 words)
I'm living in a kitchen gadget nightmare and I've got enough tools and appliances to run a commercial kitchen. Here's the thing…
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Vermontifornia (670 words)
Please be aware that the country of Vermontifornia will be pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue States citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight in Falujah, just ask your evangelical voters.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
PQ leaders: Four murders and a suicide (700 words)
If the Parti Quebecois behaves true to form, Boisclair might be looking for work sooner rather than later. For it is the lot of PQ leaders -- every single one of Boisclair's five predecessors -- to suffer an inelegant political demise.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
There's a song in my heart -- and that's where it's staying (670)
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just started belting it out, the way I do in the shower or when I want to embarrass my children in the grocery store by singing along with the piped-in Phil Collins.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Stanstead, Quebec's new Granite Museum (900)
If all the bits and pieces fall into place, Stanstead's new granite promotion center will open for business before Christmas.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Passport to adventure or Strange GOP Ways
The blind fakirs of India, the Filipino zealots who hang themselves from hooks, and the tribesman on Mongolia who play polo with a dead goat have nothing over the people of this country who vote Republican.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Sisterhood is powerful - unlikely 'sisters' Boucher and Bourget rule Quebec City (730 words)
It's not often voters get to cast a ballot for mayor and opposition leader at the same time.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Off my back and out of my kitchen (580 words)
Our government knows on which side its bread is buttered. Headlines this week reveal yet another round of haggling about the sale of colored margarine in Quebec and I say palms are being greased.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
How I fixed the kitchen faucet and washed the kitchen floor before my wife got home from work and won! (670)
Back home, I shut the hot water off, unscrewed the tap, and removed the cartridge. The tap was in bad shape. The metal around the base had eroded and something was crumbling around the cartridge. It was either a cork washer or years of accumulated gunk - plumbing toe jam.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Influenzas
Last week, my local Vermont paper published its first annual list of Windham County's "Influential People." "I" wasn't included.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec scandal lassoes Matane bull (800 words)
The former political giant in Quebec now finds himself ousted for life from the party that begged him for help in forbidden regions of Quebec, caught up - with certain complicity, according to Gomery - in a web of illegal campaign financing flowing from the sponsorship program.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Nervous voter, not dead yet (520)
A lot can go wrong between my house and the voting booth. I could end up dead. Don't laugh. It happens.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Two twisted tales of terribleness (730)
"What can I get ya?" the one-legged waitress asked Jim and Sue as they settled at the Midonowhere Truck Stop.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
New PQ leader stuck with party's Unilateral Declaration of Independence plan (730 words)
In other words a unilateral declaration of independence (UDI). No "formal offer to Canada for a new economic and political partnership," as proposed in the 1995 referendum question. No mandate to negotiate an agreement with the rest of Canada to be approved in another referendum, as the 1980 referendum question promised.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
It's Halloween (400 words)
I can remember when gummies did not exist. I also remember when they hit the scene and there was nary a sour version to be found. Now, as an adult I'll admit to liking such concoctions and I suspect that if you purchase any candy at all for giving out on Halloween night, that you buy versions that you like. Leftover licorice Nibs anyone?
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Get stickered, be happy (650)
If you have received a sticker, you have passed the morning without major incident - no tantrums, no biting, no flicking rolled up balls of dried Elmer's Glue and yelling "Boogers!"
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
(600)
Well, misterman, I was so friggin' pleased when I read how well Google is doing these days. I've never liked being screwed without being kissed, but in Google's case I'm making an exception.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
A Parliament of Pinheads
My, my, my ain't there just a heap of trouble in our little Nazi paradise on Pennsylvania Avenue? The chickens are coming home to roost in big ugly squadrons and they are bringing bird flu with them.
Jim Austin does not believe in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec Lucidites sound 'frozen in the status quo' alarm (700 words)
It's not considered politically correct to refer to Quebec society as a tribe - tribu - because it makes it sound insular and exclusive. But there is a more positive aspect to the notion of tribe that Quebecers have borrowed from the original occupants of North America.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Waiter for a day (600 words)
Life can be full of challenges and this week I experienced one first hand. A couple of weeks back I was approached by CBC-TV to participate in a series that portrays regular folk attempting to rise to a variety of work challenges.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
In Canada, I would put the "excellent" into "excellency" (675)
By now, our new governor general has settled in at Rideau Hall and you will have hopefully figured out how to pronounce "Michaëlle." I'm sure you join me along with all Canadians in wishing her an excellent reign.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Some quiet, please! (535 words)
I live on a charming cul-de-sac, where the only noise is the delighted laughter of children playing outside. There are several dogs, but they don't bark much, and from spring through fall most of the sounds I hear outside are birds chirping. But everywhere else the noise level is almost intolerable. I'm not just talking about muscle cars with boom boxes reverberating for blocks, or annoying music in stores and elevators.
Barbara Floria Graham is the author of the 20th anniversary edition of Five Fast Steps to Better Writing and Mewsings/Musings. Her website: www.SimonTeaKettle.com.
Senior citizen rebel runs for Quebec city hall (760 words)
There's a bit of a rebel in the average Quebecer, if you hadn't noticed. That anti-establishment streak finds varied expressions, from marriage rates (low) to motorcycle ownership (high.)
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
For your health care - leeches and maggots and hookworms (495)
despite what our modern naturopaths say, a couple of aspirins or a Tylenol sure beats the old eye of newt and tongue of frog thing you find in Shakespeare.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Hip, fast-talking, and cool. Not. (580)
If you are a baby boomer, perhaps this has happened to you. You are watching the news on TV and an advertisement comes on for a product aimed right at you. But you are put off by the quick editing…
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Let us give thanks (630)
Bless this food before us: the turkey, the mashed potatoes, the squash, the peas, and the Jell-O salad with the cottage cheese. On behalf of the children present, bless the dog under the table who will slurp up the Jell-O salad with cottage cheese that they surreptitiously slip to it.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
How about a turkey curry for Thanksgiving dinner? (580 words)
Perhaps you have wondered why Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving In October while our American neighbors to the south do so in November.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Quebec stocking up on Maple Leafs (740 words)
It hasn't been easy being a Toronto Maple Leafs fan in Quebec. It's like having an embarrassing disease that you rarely discuss in polite company.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
School Daze (740)
"I'm going to school again?" she said excitedly after Day 2.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Seagulls, a new taste treat, eh? (570 words)
We have created a world whereby our fast-food waste helps the proliferation of a species that is of little nutritional value. Indeed, there was a time when a good feast of seagull could be had with no worries.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Red, red wine makes you feel so fine -- a toast to Quebec's Pinot Abitibi (760 words)
Surprisingly enough Quebec vineyards are beginning to grow themselves out of mockery into something the world seems prepared to taste without gagging.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Isn't it ironic… (550)
Consider this: Local music and poetry legend Leonard Cohen was recently robbed of his life's savings while he studied Buddhist philosophy. One of the pillars of Buddhism is that material possessions are impediments to cosmic consciousness.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
(640)
The price of gas and oil may be at heart-palpitating highs but there's no reason why we can't make the best of it. What say we turn this energy crisis into an energy Christmas?.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The All-new Fall 2005 TV Season (465)
I see the new television season has started. Well, all I can say is don't hold your breath.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Boisclair's substance abuse in Quebec (730 words)
Andre Boisclair has taken a lot of heat for his criminal substance abuse while serving as a Minister of the Crown. While questions remain about the circumstances of his cocaine consumption - which biker gang was his dealer, for one - some critics are saying the young pretender to the Parti Quebecois throne is just as guilty of lacking substance in terms of policy.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Intelligent Design is where you find it, eh? (590)
I was struck by how perfect it was. The air. The sky. The water. That intoxicating smell of the ocean.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Home is where the hard-liner is (675)
As members of Branch 142 of the CUPW (Consistently Unappreciated Parental Workers), your mother and I regret to inform you that the stalemate in parent-child negotiations leaves us no choice but to initiate pressure tactics throughout the household starting immediately.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Calling all Cookie Monsters (340 words)
While the old saying that "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" is appropriate, so is the following: "A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
The Deity Myth ()
I have a news flash for you all. The God of the Bible, the Koran and the Torah does not exist. We made him up like the Easter Bunny, Feng Sui, and the Tooth Fairy.
Jim Austin does not believe in Putney, Vermont.
Conservative Harper still stymied in Quebec (725 words)
Even if Harper gets dumped, questions may still remain in Quebec about who a new leader would lead and what they stand for.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Free, at last (515)
I once actually knew a girl named Romanoff who, from an early age, became known as Noodles.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
A man on a mission statement (630)
Of course, it's not only business that can benefit from a strong mission statement. Personal growth can also be anchored by the positive energy and free-flowing cross-purposing that is the mission statement.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Film Review: Mad, Hot Ballroom (550 words)
In the New York City school system, where public schools are filled with recent immigrants and kids crammed into a small house or apartment they share with many relatives, many of the students are talking about dancing.
Barbara Floria Graham is the author of Five Fast Steps to Better Writing, Five Fast Steps to Low-Cost Publicity, and Mewsings/Musings
www.SimonTeaKettle.com.
QC weekly Stanstead Journal editor moves to daily Sherbrooke Record (195)
STANSTEAD, QC | Patrick Lavery, former editor of the Stanstead Journal, has joined the reporting team at the daily Sherbrooke Record. He was the fourth editor at the 160-year-old community newspaper in the past two years.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
I know a secret garden… (570 words)
There is a secret garden here on Montreal's West Island that rivals large outdoor produce markets in varieties of good organic and exotic veggies and fruits. Melons, peaches, pears, apricots, figs, sweet and hot peppers, exotic cross-bred tomatoes, asparagus, rare Japanese cucumbers, beans, squash and pumpkin, cabbages and potatoes are thriving here at harvest time.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
No horses lost (725)
For two days after Katrina hit our President remained on vacation in Crawford, Texas, with nothing to do but ignore Cindy Sheehan. While he was mountain biking the people of the Gulf Coast were dying. His government's corruption and incompetence has set a standard by which all future tin pot political slimeballs will be measured.
Jim Austin suffers, but not silently, in Putney, Vermont.
Labor eruptions threaten Quebec (685 words)
The unions say they need 12.5 over three years, retroactive to October, 2003, not including pay equity, plus resolution of a string of other issues. That's comes to approximately twice as much as the government has put on the table, or three billion dollars.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
And just where do old dryers go when they die? (665)
I kept hoping someone would just drive up and take it. In fact, we had a knock on the door one evening from someone asking us if the dryer worked.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
How to deal with an eggplant (485 words)
In various parts of Europe, people suspected that eating eggplant caused madness, not to mention leprosy, cancer, and bad breath, which is why eggplant was used mostly for decoration in England and the North America nearly up to the 20th century.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Passenger safety at Air Canada (490)
Air Canada announced it will be returning proper cutting tools to its dinner plates as of September 15.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
The dog days of August (640)
So two Saturdays ago, we headed to the SPA and entered the Sucker Room (my name, not theirs), where all the dogs looked up at us eagerly from their cages as if to say, "Pick me, pick me. I'm the type of dog they write epic poems about. I'll bring your slippers. If you don't have slippers, I'll steal you some."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Hockey in QC: daring to dream (755 words)
In the decade since the Nords split, the economy of the Quebec City has diversified considerably, and while it is still a government and university town, there is new entrepreneurial blood that might be coaxed into a Colisée project.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
A corny end to summer (475 words)
What if I challenged you to eat 1600 kernels of corn? You'd guffaw, most likely.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
If it can go wrong, it will -- just wait a while… (700)
Think you had a bad week? Did your car break down or did an important e-mail come back undeliverable? Well that ain't nothin'.
Jim Austin suffers, but not silently, in Putney, Vermont.
No jokes needed - Quebec's Tongue Troopers make fools of themselves (600)
They are forcing The Monkland Tavern to vandalize a 50-year-old 'Tavern' sign that won a heritage award. Even though there is already one side in French, the English side has to go. So, the Monkland will have to trash the old sign and put up a brand new one, exactly the same except with an 'e' at the end of the word 'tavern'.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
RETURN OF THE BRANCH MANAGER (600)
FOOL'S HOLLOW, QUEBEC | Jim Jory is 80 now, but he's still a good man to have on your side when you have tree problem.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
PQ's Tennisman Legendre ready to serve (700 words)
It is not beyond reason that the former tennis star could be the next leader of the Parti Quebecois and premier of Quebec.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Quit squirming and read this (650)
I would like to pretend that I'm a slow reader because I mull over every word and ponder thematic implications and character motivation. Truth is, like many slow readers, I'm just plain fidgety.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Bond. James Bond, that's who… (535)
One of my favorite characters in the James Bond movies is Q. He's the guy who runs the department that comes up with all the neat, nasty stuff like exploding pens and magnetic watches with built-in buzz saws.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
I know what you did last summer… (480 words)
You planted garlic didn't you? Now, just when it would be time to reap your bounty you may have come up empty handed.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Quebec punkers rock the world (720 words)
The current international success of Simple Plan underscores the music renaissance now underway in Montreal, which publications like Rolling Stone, Spin, and the New York Times earlier this year proclaimed as the new world capital of rock.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Water woes can't be solved by individuals alone (530 words)
Over the past five years I've gradually removed all the grass from my front and back yards, replacing it with low-maintenance ground cover, river stone, gravel paths, and mulch around perennial beds.
Barbara Floria Graham is the author of Five Fast Steps to Better Writing, Five Fast Steps to Low-Cost Publicity, and Mewsings/Musings
www.SimonTeaKettle.com.
I say, choose Canada's Head of State by - what else? - a lottery (580)
When I was in Cuba, the woman behind the money-changing counter asked me: "Please don't be offended, but why do you have the British Queen on your money? I don't understand. That would be like having the King of Spain on our money," she laughed, enjoying the absurdity of it.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
All together now, in a straight line… (470)
Just when you think our happy little fonctionnaires deserve the gold medal for bureaucratic bilge, something pops up that makes you happy to be a Quebecer.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Future Canadian Governor General's slave ancestors changed history (690 words)
"I have come a long way. My ancestors were slaves."
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Part2: There's Niagara on the Lake and then there's the other place (700)
A lot of people visit Notul every day, in every month of the year, and many of them are very tanned and very cool looking, and speak in many tongues.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Hot Yoga Redux (630)
I have lost 18 pounds in the past few months and I'm still closer to Jupiter that Mercury but I don't have to use the toilet brush to wash my feet anymore.
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Nuke the zukes (680)
Why stress over planting a garden only to fret about eating it all? The only reason I can figure is that a garden is one less patch of grass to mow.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
There's Niagara on the Lake and then there's the other place (1000)
A lot of people visit Notul every day, in every month of the year, and many of them are very tanned and very cool looking, and speak in many tongues.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Is there a fish more coveted than salmon? (620 words)
Atlantic salmon is touted as the best in many circles, depending on which side of the pond you reside and I even found some at the market here saddled up next to its western cousin. It's hard to differentiate species by looks alone, unless you are a frequent and experienced salmon eater.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
It ain't over in Saudi Arabia, eh? (750)
Of the twenty leaders of the house of Saud since 1745, three have been assassinated, one executed, three deposed, one captured by enemies, two simply lost control and one, obviously seeing the writing on the wall, fled.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Jacques Francoeur no ordinary news baron (700 words)
Francoeur led a remarkable life that came to an abrupt end at age 80. He had been at one time among the select group of the most powerful newspaper owners in the province.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Listen to your mother, kid (700)
OGDEN, QC | James emerged from the water at Weir Park with blood streaming down his face. Not heeding the wisdom of mothers since time immemorial, he and a friend had been hurling mud at each other.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream (520 words)
If there were ever a time for ice cream it would be right now. These sticky weeks have prompted many trips to the store for frozen treats and the tab is adding up.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Naked came the strangers (600)
Apparently my fellow basker had opened his eyes and there, passing before him, were two young ladies wearing only what God in his wisdom had given them.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
How to spot a Quebec Anglophone (560)
If you can drive your car in rush hour while applying make-up, shifting gears, talking on a cellphone, honking the horn, and flipping someone the bird all at the same time, you could be a Quebec Anglo.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
A.P. Low - Canadian Iron Man Explorer (900 words)
For the past few weeks a team of four paddlers, outfitted with modern equipment and technology, have been retracing the route plotted along the Denys River in Northern Quebec by a little-known man who has been called one of Canada's greatest explorers.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Pre-paid gambling - it's a Quebec thing, dear ones (630)
The thing I hate about buying lottery tickets is the tedious wait in line at the store behind people buying unimportant stuff like food for their family. When I want to throw my money away on the faint hope of fortune, I want to throw it away now!
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Burning Issue (680)
Didn't I tell you? Didn't I say, "Don't get me started on that flag burning issue?"
Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Sing me a song of trouts (400 words)
I've been known to worship the art of angling. When asked if I golf, the inevitable answer has always been that it interferes with fishing. Last week, accompanied by some fellow anglers, I tickled a few trout on a very hot day. Who says trout don't bite in the middle of the afternoon?
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Quebec and the next Governor General of Canada (670 words)
Assuming that a prime minister would not willingly risk offending people in a province where he badly needs to rebuild his party, the pressure would seem to be on Martin to name a francophone Quebecer as the new occupant of Rideau Hall and The Citadel.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
So you want to coach kids' baseball (660)
Based on my experience, all you need to coach 7- to 9-year-olds is this phrase: "You can do it." If you can say this and know your players by name (as in "You can do it, [child's name]" or possibly "Tu es capable, [nom d'enfant]") you're already qualified.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Consider the humble lentil (450 words)
The Lentil is most likely the oldest cultivated legume, and is believed to be native to southwestern Asia, perhaps northern Syria. Seeds have been found in Egyptian tombs dating from the 12th Dynasty (2400 B.C.), and there is also evidence of their cultivation as early as 6000 B.C.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Sir Sponge Bob and the 'anti-poverty' Musical Elite (580)
Now they can proudly say: No. Wait a minute. This is the real me - the saint who wants to end world poverty! That naked, coke sniffing, whiskey drinking, pussy hound you saw prowling the strip last night was someone else.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Day of the Fanatic (700)
Given all the terrorist activities around the world, combined with Britain's involvement in the war in Iraq, wouldn't you think that the first priority of the government would be to infiltrate the Muslim community?Jim Austin writes in Putney, Vermont.
Itchy Septuagenarian encounters the Texas Chigger (670 words)
A heretofore unblemished waistline, though definitely expanded from yesteryear's Skinny Minnie, turned into a Texas Chigger's ball park, or a mating linedance.
Beverly Barrett writes in her native state of Texas.
Canadian iron ore boom looms (800 words)
The project foresees mining the ore and turning it into concentrate slurry at the Labrador site and then pumping it through a pipeline that follows the rail line south some 640-km to Sept Iles where it would be drained and turned into pellets at a new plant.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Family DVD Night or "No, YOU pass the popcorn!" (560)
The following is a transcript of a typical DVD-rental night in the Murray house. Present are two adults and four children, the youngest of which probably shouldn't be watching this selection anyway since it's PG13 but hopefully she's too young to be scarred by it.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The rich get richer (550 words)
"Greed has been severely underestimated and denigrated - unfairly so in my opinion. There is nothing wrong with avarice as a motive as long as it doesn't lead to dishonest or anti-social conduct."
Barbara Floria Graham is the author of Five Fast Steps to Better Writing, Five Fast Steps to Low-Cost Publicity, and Mewsings/Musings
www.SimonTeaKettle.com.
A homegrown Canadian crisp (660 words)
Québécois separatists beware; this column is peppered and flavoured with patriotic flag-waving commentary and uses references to a proud Canadian federation of ten provinces and three territories.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Quebec protester's summer begins badly (690 words)
Philadelphia's District Attorney Lynne Abraham famously said if she could have charged Beaulieu with murder, she would have. Philly, it seems, is the wrong place to douse a cop with water.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Panoply of extremism (690)
So how do you feel now about voting for Bush? People in Florida, Ohio, and Connecticut who decided to swing over to the Republican side, are you happy with your decision? The country hasn't been this screwed up since the Civil War.
Jim Austin hits, catches, and chases balls in Putney, Vermont.
Pity the unhandyman (690)
As "helpers" go, he's the best. But there are few things more emasculating than mishandling power tools in front of another man.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Flaming Fajitas (525 words)
There is a run on propane and fruit stands are appearing roadside. Grilling meats fly off the shelf and barbecue manufacturers are rejoicing at our recent lucky spell of weather.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Montreal's West Islanders have a lot of balls (570)
Everyone seems to be involved in sweaty physical exertion of some sort, seeking health and longevity. And beauty. God, we have some good-looking people out here. All blond and tanned and fit. And that's just the seniors.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
The Great Canadian Short Story of Canadiana for Canada Day (775)
"Lord tunderin'!" Alistair cried as he took a mouthful of steaming maple-and-pemmican soup. "She's some hot!"
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Boisclair spoils Marois' Quebec party (720 words)
A recent poll bears out Boisclair's astronomical savvy. That CROP-La Presse survey asking Quebecers who best could lead the PQ to victory showed the 39-year-old, proudly gay politician way ahead of Marois.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Ice Cider - Give this Quebec wonder a try (460 words)
Every now and then I discover something worth bragging about. My latest discovery is ice cider or plutot cidre de glace produced here in Quebec.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Gays: Marriage is no piece of cake, eh? (580)
Those who wish to maintain the traditional definition of marriage as between a man and a woman believe it is a biological and sacred trust endowed by our creator. Fertility is its purpose. Henry the Eighth proved this. He beheaded any wife who failed to produce an heir.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
O Canada born in a Quebec rink (720 words)
How strangely fitting that a country that celebrates two national holidays within the space of a week should have as a national anthem a tune composed by a religious mystic judge and a wounded Union army band veteran.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
How to catch trouts (225)
LENNOXVILLE, QC | Cause to have constructed a deep pond. Source it with constantly flowing cold, clean water. Stock it with speckled trout - locally, a loonie each at the hatchery.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Saving private robin (745)
The bird on the lawn Saturday afternoon was very much alive, hopping about and calling for its parents. The adult robins flitted about nervously, squawking frantically, like stockbrokers trying to dump Nortel.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Potato Salad Days (500 words)
What says summer more than potato salad? If you could identify the most frequent side dish served in the great outdoors, this common salad would definitely rank Number One in the world.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
In The Name Of The Father (580)
Tomorrow is the most important day of the year for many of us. It is a day when the unsung, the underappreciated, and the disrespected are finally able to bask in the sunshine.
Jim Austin basks in the bosom of his family in Putney, Vermont.
Makivik, an entrepreneurial Inuit marvel (800 words)
It seems odd that given the amazing dispersal of native peoples in North America that the ones known as the Inuit should have chosen to stay put in one of the most brutal and unforgiving environments on the planet.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
It's alphabet soup to moi, eh? (490)
Could it be we've got one too many acronyms? One too many SOPDIPS or MALPECS or cashdumps?
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Quebec's Bernard Landry: The Golden Years (660)
"It is not so important for our young people to have access to as many opportunities as possible. What is important is the collectivity and making sure it stays put. Besides, we have everything anyone could want right here. Only through isolation can we truly develop as a people."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
You say scallops, I say scawllops (505 words)
A trip Down East once taught me that you will be immediately identified as a visitor should you use an incorrect drawl when ordering this shellfish delight. You have to bone up on the local lingo when traveling.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Let's hear it for an Audible Anglo star (600)
And so now we Anglos who also speak French with an obvious accent - I was once harangued by an editor of La Presse with: "Yes, you speak French but you obviously don't live in French!" (the "You Anglo pig" was silent) - are encouraged.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
The accidental PQ leadership race (720 words)
You might call it the accidental leadership race. The contest to replace Bernard Landry is now underway amid reports that it never should have happened.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
And who shall be our Royal Highness? Just in case… (530)
If a federal election were held tomorrow probably the only safe liberal seat in the province would be Westmount....so, I guess it's about time to think the unthinkable and plan for an orderly separation.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Dear Tech Guy: My hard drive is soggy (720)
This week, I answer some of your computer-related questions. Why? Because Rule #1 of being a tech guy is pretending you know what you're doing, and in this regard I am vastly qualified.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Food Fare in the Not So Friendly Skies (530 words)
Flying on an airplane just isn't what it used to be. The good old days of rubber chicken and microwave apple crumble are a thing of the past, as I learned this past week.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Dance Lessons (665)
Lesson #2: When attending a wine-and-cheese, you quickly have your fill of cheese. Not so for the wine. Be warned.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Academicus Laudibilis (590)
We Austin's can trace our lineage back beyond Stephen Austin after whom Austin, Texas, was named. We go back to Ancient Rome and Emperor Augustine. Beyond that it gets a little hazy but there may have been an Austin involved in the early Druid movement. He was the guy who got paralyzed on mead and decided it would be a great idea to paint himself blue.
Jim Austin, a student of life, writes in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec's tender daycare trap (670 words)
Quebec's daycare program, even after Charest hiked the catchy five-dollar-a-day fee to $7, cost taxpayers $1.43 billion dollars last year.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
The Welsh, ah, the loving Welsh (500)
They actually carried out a survey of 918 Welsh males and found out that, after a decade, those who manage to get it on with their significant others the most had half the risk of death of those whose wife said "Not tonight dear, I have a headache.'"
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Remembering Mom's Salmon Burgers (500 words)
I remember not liking them much as a kid (sorry Mom) but recently for some strange reason I have been craving them. I love salmon and yet never asked Mom until recently for her recipe.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Ah, Belinda, we hardly knew ya (415)
Belinda has suddenly discovered she's Paul Martin's love child and actually believes in fiscal conservatism and same-sex marriages.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
The dryer with something extra (700)
We got it home and stuck it in the basement. Phew! Still kind of stinky. The next morning, a horrible thought popped into my head: "Wait a minute. I know that smell. That's not a cat smell. That's a dead-thing smell!"
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
PQ prepares battle plan (790 words)
This gathering of the secessionist clans is particularly important because the PQ, looking at the dark cloud over Jean Charest's Liberals, believes it is on the cusp of power and needs to prepare in earnest for that eventuality.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
hot_yoga (745)
When I first heard "Hot Yoga" mentioned I thought it was something you might see on the Spice Channel starring that Star Wars character.
Jim Austin is getting bent into shape in Putney, Vermont.
Falafel Days (420 words)
The primary ingredient is chickpeas and many recipes call for soaking the dry versions overnight. I cheat and use canned when making them by hand but one can really save time by using perfectly acceptable dried mixes available everywhere in the ethnic foods section of your grocery.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Politics: It's about stuffing envelopes, eh? (700)
Much to my shame I have to confess I've been on the receiving end of the cash-stuffed liberal envelope. I've been part of the sleeze. I wallowed in the mud with the best of them.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
A previous Canadian minority scenario (830 words)
Your scribe happened to be in Ottawa the last time a minority government faced a nay-or-yea, do-or-die budget vote. Back in December of '79, it was, by cracky, when that young whipper-snapper Joe Clark let that crafty Pierre Trudeau back in.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
CIA? No way, it's CEO that's hot (500)
But what really gets my goat is that CEOs come up third. You have to think that here sex and money do make for a winning combination. After all how else could you explain Conrad Black or Donald Trump?
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
All you need to know about lobsters, eh? (400 words)
You can determine the sex of a live lobster by locating the small feelers behind the rear legs, right under the tail. On male lobsters, the feelers are hard, while on female lobsters, they are soft.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
The Harper-Duceppe e-mails (630)
I mean, look at the way it seems our heads are leaning together like we're about to share an intimate man-on-man moment. Disgusting (no offence). All we were doing, you'll recall, was conspiring to put the Martin government out of its misery.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
New Quebec separatist budget, same ridicule (800 words)
It wasn't supposed to be this way for Francois Legault. Were it not for Liberal Premier Jean Charest's stubborn unpopularity, the former airline executive turned Parti Quebecois star probably would be poised right now to plunge the dagger into the aging Caesar Bernard Landry, and seize the party crown.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Have some fun ~ eat some chili (400 words)
Worldwide chili cook-offs and national chili clubs are proof of chili's popularity and there are as many versions as there are ingredients. Not just anyone can make a good chili - It takes time and loving attention. Sure you can toss a packet of pre-made seasoning into a can of tomatoes and beans with accompanying hamburger for a quick fix but what fun is there in that?
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
"He may be asinine / But he's still 39" (650)
I turn 40 later this year. I won't say when exactly because I'm afraid the civic parades might be too much of a distraction and interfere with my nap time.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
West Quebec? Bring on the next referendum. (585)
"Being as it is completely rational to let those people who wish to leave Canada to do so; but being that Canada has the right and duty to protect Canadians from being forced to live in a new nation-state of which they want no part; would you agree that Quebec should be partitioned into two new provinces; Quebec and West Quebec, Quebec being the province that wishes to secede from Canada and West Quebec being the province that wishes to remain in Canada? Yes or No?"
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Old warriors fight over separation pay (730 words)
Yves Michaud and Paul Tellier have pursued different paths in life. Earlier in their careers they fought on different sides of the Quebec sovereignty struggle. Now, in the twilight of their public lives, Michaud and Tellier face each other in a battle over corporate sovereignty.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Tequila Rose, she is a new friend of mine (445 words)
For readers who enjoy a nip here and there you may have noticed that tequila is in very short supply and has become very expensive. Premium tequilas are increasingly hard to find and shelves display non-aged white varieties that are apt to resemble paint thinner.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
In which Our Hero spring-cleans his car after a long winter (525)
I don't know about you but I don't get around to cleaning out the inside of the car much when the temperature falls below zero.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Let me say right now that I'm sorry about that (670)
Who among us hasn't been really, really sorry (meaning really, really hoping to avoid punishment), for instance, after coming home to an exasperated spouse who is ready to throw you out because you've yet again turned up drunk, belligerent, and both shaven and tattooed in places you weren't when you went out? Hello…?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Yea, Verily (680)
So when the Pope was giving his valedictory address last week he said, "If the secular trend continues Western Civilization is doomed." As a former Hitler Youth he should know about doomed regimes.
Jim Austin opines in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec - election aftermath. Maybe. (690 words)
By your scribe's calculations, if an election were to be held this week, based on current polling data, the Liberal contingent in Quebec would drop from 21 to eight.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Barbeque & Asian Coleslaw Time (750 words)
Walking the pooches made me very hungry indeed this past weekend as I strolled by house after house. Burgers and steaks here and there with hints of more adventurous flare- ups were noted. I caught a whiff of curry on one corner and a Greek infused oregano aroma at another.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Follow the money, see the sleaze (580)
About half the salary of a CEGEP teacher, a Montreal bus driver, a nuclear physicist and even a plumber will end up going to one of our governments; either in income, property, water, school, GST or some other creative taxation scheme. So then where does it all go?
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Thank God they're not taking MY house (345)
DERBY LINE, VT | Residents here breathed a collective sigh of relief on Wednesday when they finally saw what the US government has in mind for the revamped Customs/Immigration facility on I-91.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Tory Harper loosens Cannon from rouge roots (800 words)
Lawrence Cannon is as close to a genetic Quebec Liberal as they come. Few sons of the province have the same undiluted rouge blood coursing through their veins.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
It's spring, our Gallivanting Gourmand has crabs, and he's not sorry (780 words)
I was daunted at the prospect of putting my killing skills to the test. However, like lobster, once you get past the point of no return and plunge them headfirst into a rolling boil all sense of guilt disappears and lip-licking begins.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
The scandal that brought the Murray house to its knees (770)
Day 3 of the testimony by Ross Murray before the Gomery Commission on the Canadian federal sponsorship scandal
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Ah yes, Spring cometh and frogs, too (740)
I've always loved frogs. As a youngster growing up in a semi-rural farming area I would don my wellies and trod off to the nearest pond at the first sign of warmth.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
The hits just keep on comin' (700)
I woke up this morning with a feeling of optimism. I've just read about the new rule that Republicans have forced on the ethics committee.
Jim Austin has a very sharp boob tube in Putney, Vermont.
A legacy in ruins (625 words)
You wonder how the alleged perpetrators of the misdeeds, experienced businessmen and civil servants for the most part, expected to get away with their crimes, considering they involved millions of dollars in public funds, and that dozens of more scrupulous people were privy to what was going on.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
How to prepare Aztec testicles, otherwise known as avocados (650 words)
There are a lot of folks who shun this delicately flavored item as they simply do not know what to do with them. Sure, there is the all-important guacamole recipe that satisfies but many avoid buying them because they don't have a great shelf life and usually require immediate attention.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
I've got those slap 'em together and shove 'em out the door school lunch blues (650)
According to my calendar, there are only about fifty days left in the school year. I can't wait. That means the kids will be home and able to help me dig that moat around the house I've been working on. Plus, no more math questions I have to pretend to understand.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Education in Quebec rights? Say what? (620)
It doesn't make sense. The Supreme Court of Canada judged that francophones in Quebec don't have the same rights as anglophones.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
A short history of a long war (720 words)
You might wonder does the world really need another book on a war fought 250 years ago? While people who haven't picked up a book on history since high school or university might not catch the excitement, those who do have a passing interest in the passage of time know there is always something new to be learned about what has gone before.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Ah, the charmed life of the Royals (525)
I hesitate to use her soon-to-be title, Princess Consort. It sounds far too much like a name that would be better suited to the four-door version of the British Vauxhall. Or maybe the latest in bedside telephones.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
The Pope: An Iron Legacy (710)
Since the '60s all but the most fervent First World Catholics have ignored Papal demands forbidding birth control. Even the Catholic hierarchy has been clamoring for a relaxation of these strict tenets for the past twenty-five years. This Pope would have none of it.
Jim Austin has a very sharp boob tube in Putney, Vermont.
Springtime is salmon time (450 words)
Is there a little more spring in your step lately? There is in mine.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
My favorite April Fool's carol: "God Jest Thee, Merry Gentlemen" (640)
We get so busy during the hectic April Fool's season, what with all the April Fool's shopping and the baking of the traditional April Fool's schnitzel, that sometimes we forget the true meaning of April Fool's Day: spending time with friends and loved ones and making them look stupid.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The (hydro) power of unrequited dreams (650 words)
The last time Quebec and Newfoundland tried to seal a deal to harness the Lower Churchill River the two high-rollers behind the plan were send scurrying for cover by angry natives.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
I finally got the piano, now let me tell you about our new bed (740)
A little while back I related the story of my misplaced piano. Well, for those of you who were wondering, and from the phone calls I received there were a few, the piano arrived safe and sound.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
HDTV - Bright, sharp, and pricey (750)
Since my dear old Dad brought home a 17-inch black and while Sylvania in 1956, I have been a devotee. I even wrote letters to Annette Funicello of the Mickey Mouse Club and received a photo back. The photo is all yellow and shriveled up now and, for that matter, so is Annette.
Jim Austin has a very sharp boob tube in Putney, Vermont.
Judging the judges (530 words)
In the end, it is judges who judge, who pass sentence, who decide upon appeals. We are all at their mercy. If they release someone, like repeat offenders who sometimes end up killing policemen or innocent civilians, or choose to keep someone like Robert Latimer in jail, we have little recourse.
Barbara Floria Graham is the author of Five Fast Steps to Better Writing, Five Fast Steps to Low-Cost Publicity, and Mewsings/Musings
www.SimonTeaKettle.com.
The F-word and other lyrics (690)
So what's a free-thinking, rock-'n-roll-loving, occasionally foul-mouthed parent supposed to do when the kids start bringing home music that contains "the word" and other reasonable facsimiles? Censorship?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
It's Canada, and the spending is easy, eh? (555)
This invoice says that Canadian flags were manufactured in China for five cents. You shipped ten thousand of them here and billed the government for $50 each. Then you billed the government for consultation charges of $500 an hour for 300 hours, an extra $150,000. What exactly was that for?
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Tempus for Charest to fugit? (730 words)
The battering the Liberals have taken of late at the hands of hordes of striking students suffering under ridiculously cut-rate university tuition fees is merely a shrimp cocktail entrée for the big buffet, when Quebec's civil servants' unions tuck in their napkins and demand more generous helpings.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Beer with added caffeine - not just another breakfast beverage, eh? (620 words)
Let's face facts. Humans have been programmed to consume and we are now no more than a bunch of Borg who will eat and drink any new thing that comes our way if it is marketed aggressively. We are programmed to receive, so to speak.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Don't you just love Canada's Gomery Inquiry? (500)
So far the good Mr. Gomery and the government's lawyers haave asked 36,000 questions. And so far the answer to 35,990 have been "I don't remember."
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Tossing his hat into the ring and all that (620)
This worked out pretty well for most, but this is Quebec and we must all do things the same way. We call this "working for the collectivity," although most other democracies would call it "benevolent fascism."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
What fresh Hell... (700)
"What fresh Hell," you ask, "has George II and his merry band of planet plunderers got in store for us?"
Jim Austin opines from Putney, Vermont.
Race on for QC mayoral succession (740 words)
Municipal politics in Quebec City differs from other cities in Quebec, and perhaps the rest of Canada for that matter. That's because, although the evidence is all but invisible to the public eye - except perhaps the flag incident - parties are split along federalist and sovereignist lines.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Some thoughts about a special day for women (510)
Long before I was bored to death by Betty Friedan's "Feminine Mystique" or heard Helen Reddy warble "I am woman" I knew instinctively that women were equal.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Erin Go Bragh and please pass the cookies (570 words)
I'm not one for green beer. It brings back memories of youthful over-indulgence and I'll leave that libation for the truly Irish. I can wear a kilt but one of Scottish heritage.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
What if George Bush is right? What then? (570)
I'm not saying that Bush is right. I don't know that. How could I? I am not a clairvoyant. I am just saying that he could be. No one I knew thought Reagan was right. But he was. No one I know thinks Bush is right. But he could be.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Blue jeans, baby (680)
The point is that I am at once a fashion have-not and terribly insecure about looking like a buffoon. Being really cheap doesn't help. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the tremendous social pressure to look good.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Freedom of speech in a parallel world (780 words)
The case comes at a lousy time for CHOI. For starters, the station's lawyers found themselves on International Women's Day trying to paint the steadfast Chiasson as a tramp during the proof of character questioning.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Believe it. Or not. (610)
The soldiers either made an enormous mistake and are covering up, or they were trying to send a message that bargaining with insurgents will not be tolerated.
Jim Austin watches sports and the Bush administration from Putney, Vermont.
Teddy, Teddy, who gets a Teddy? (740)
No wonder the Armed Forces are short of equipment. One of DND's employees was sued for walking off with $100 million bucks. It seems while nobody was watching he used phony invoices to saunter off with the cash equivalent of a fully armed regiment of infantry.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
You want rice with that? (580 words)
I speak of rice, a basis for which humanity has anchored its hungry maw and I say get thee to the stove and put up some grains of the fluffy stuff.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
A man with a Plan (650)
Please find enclosed my schedule of Planning Days for the coming year. During these days, I won't be showing up for work.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Truce in Quebec-Canada fiscal imbalance war (yawn) (730 words)
Fiscal imbalance, for most people who have other things to do than contemplate the financial mechanics of Canadian federalism, is like a session with the hypnotist: "You are getting sleepy, very sleepy."
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Small stores: real people providing real service (570)
I celebrate the stores in my little village. And I am sure you, too, know a useful little local store for which you are grateful. You know what I mean, an enterprise that is more than a store - one that is a real resource.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Hockey: great game, lousy sport (670)
Here's one Canadian who doesn't give a rat's rump that the National Hockey League season is cancelled.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
No hockey talk of Nordiques revival (660 words)
The Nordiques left town, so it is said, as a direct result of the National Hockey League's failure to secure a salary cap in negotiations with players. That dispute lasted four and a half months and ended with a deal that launched player salaries into the stratosphere like some spectacular fireworks show.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
We need a winter holiday, now (540)
When it comes to a holiday in February, the average Canadian would celebrate Broccoli Day if it meant some time off.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Check this out, eh? (950 words)
Let's talk checkout lines. Specifically, let's talk about manners at the grocery store. Apparently, some folks don't have any and you know who you are.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand, and loves his stir fry.
Still longing for my stuff, UPS (500)
Bobbin Mill Road is a short, dead-end street. There are just seven houses on the right hand side of the street. My friend Charlie lives in the last house on the right.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Quebec unrest inspired Canadian flag (730 words)
As far as many Quebecers are concerned, they got their national flag on January 21, 1948, not February 15, 1965. That was the day Premier Maurice Duplessis, without debate or ceremony, ordered the fleur-de-lys hoisted above the legislature in Quebec City.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
So, you want to make hay with your wok? (650 words)
Before you suspect that I am promoting kink in this column let me remind you that the year of the rooster has begun and that the Chinese New Year has been celebrated for days. If you have ever wondered just why your stir-fry does not have that same oomph that you get at the restaurant you can be sure of one thing. Your wok is out of energy and breath or "out of hay" as the Cantonese refer to it.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand, and loves his stir fry.
Mister, have you seen my piano? (485)
Have you ever lost a piano? I don't mean have you ever had one taken from you, burned in a fire, sold to strangers. I mean lost, as in misplaced. You see mine's gone missing.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Get your buns off the table, eh? (660)
And that's the Canadian way - working together, making sacrifices jointly, and not ticking off the powerful Alberta beef lobby.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
The world loves a good Dick joke (580)
Today I would like to discuss the Dick joke. And I don't mean George Bush's running mate.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Quebec faces dilemma on religion in schools (710 words)
The question of public funding for religious education exploded onto the public agenda in a rather ugly way last month when the Charest government decided to extend public funding from 60 percent to 100 percent for a network of Jewish schools - just as a previous Quebec government had done for Greek Orthodox schools - on the condition they form partnerships with English and French school boards.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Super Dull (770)
No doubt most of the audience wondered who that desiccated old geezer was who dominated the half-time festivities. For those of you under 40, he was Paul McCartney. The poor old Beatle doddered through some tunes from ancient history originally performed by him and a few long dead companions.
Jim Austin watches sports and the Bush administration from Putney, Vermont.
Will you be my lovely Valentine? (630 words)
Somehow, Mondays do not conjure up images of wild romantic abandon and although Valentine's Day falls smack at the beginning of a work-week, there is still hope for the hopeless romantic.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand, and resident romantic.
And why isn't Shaun of the Dead nominated? (660)
Haven't been to the movies lately? Feeling left out of the Oscar buzz because you have no idea what the movies are about? Don't know where to wager your kids' education fund? Don't worry; it's easy to pick the Oscar winners, even if you haven't seen the films.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Jamesians cash in on Quebec power projects (650 words)
All told, the Jamesians will be splitting up a $310 million pie spread over 50 years. Six million bucks a year may not seem like much, but, on the other hand, the recipients won't be affected all that directly by the Eastmain 1-A/Rupert/Sarcelle (EM 1-A) hydro project expansion, for which the money is compensation.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Please, not another evening of Shot-in-Buffalo-Hump-Saskatchewan movies (400)
Let me make this clear. Hockey is a great game to play and a super one to watch but it's still nothing more than organized shinny.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Going to a party with a cold? Count me out (575)
The cold that hit me made me feel one hundred years old. And usually I only feel eighty. It took a week out of my life. And I needed those days. I want those days back.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
No cheers for Bell Canada, eh? (635)
"No, no," I explain, "It's not an Internet problem, it's a telephone line problem. Your guys have done something to the wire connections up the road, n'est ce pas?"
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Jerking around with sports (660 words)
The upcoming Super Bowl will be the next good excuse for a gathering and one snack item will create a rush on poultry parts at the grocery store. While millions will watch the game, chickens everywhere better prepare their last wills and testimonies.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Hey lady, what's in a name? (360)
In retrospect, if, instead of telling Ms Copps to "have some tequila, Sheila," John Crosby had referred to her as a "hot mutton," the Speaker of the House would still be trying to figure out a ruling.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Bloc Head Duceppe faces leadership dilemma (780 words)
In his home province, Duceppe on the side of the angels on the same-sex and missile-shield issues, and, as a political performer, he's brimming with confidence, so much so that he toured Western Canada to preach the joys of Quebec sovereignty.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
It's a Guy Thing (680)
The hanging ceiling is a strange and wonderful invention thanks to the engineers at Armstrong. They developed a grid system that seems very shaky at first but which, when assembled, becomes rigid and strong. That's the theory anyway.
Jim Austin tools around in Putney, Vermont.
The stars came out at night (520)
Today's instant access to individual and myriad entertainment possibilities make the "Free Show" of the 1940s era difficult to comprehend. But, people living in Midwest farming communities during that time of gas rationing, few cars, and little money, attended those gatherings in droves. June through August - weather permitting - small towns provided a designated place for weekly free movies.
Frances Bevency Errion writes in Buskirk, New York.
What if youth ran politics? (675)
In last year's federal election, only 38 percent of 18-30-year-olds bothered to vote in Canada. Just think how much better some parties would fare with a stronger turnout of 21-year-olds? OK, the Green and the Marijuana parties would do better but that's not the point. The point is, how do you reach these young people?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Epidemic on the horizon! Food kills! And hold the salt! (880 words)
I have to ask -- is there nothing to eat that is not bad for us? Experts continually tell us to stay away from anything that tastes and makes us feel good.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Two Solitudes ~ from MacLennan to Mitsou (800 words)
Sixty years ago Nova Scotia-born, Montreal-adopted author Hugh MacLennan wrote the novel whence sprang the term that has ever since defined the relationship between French-speaking Quebec and the rest of Canada.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
No WMDs and all that (450)
Faced with the world's mightiest army racing across his front yard at about ninety miles an hour and his own soldiers tossing their boots off to be able to retreat all that much faster, it stands to reason if Saddam had them, this would have been a pretty good time to use them.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Relax, the US is winning (700)
We have no chance of achieving anything like the outcome that has been scripted for us by the zealots in this administration. We will reap only death and misery for both the Iraqis and ourselves.
Jim Austin writes it like he feels it in Putney, Vermont.
Green Peace was wrong about the seal hunt ~ Mea culpa, baby boomer moi (590)
Do I think Greenpeace will ever follow my lead and admit that they were wrong? Never. The Newfoundland fishermen whose lives they have destroyed can go jump in the sea for all they care.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
The Old Plonkster Weighs In (630)
With no end in sight for the SAQ strike, Quebecers are having to turn to other sources for their wine. Luckily, we live in a province where your next booze fix is just around the corner, at least until 11 p.m.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Arctic sea-change coming your way (750 words)
If you're a polar bear or walrus the news about climate change in the Arctic is not good. If, however, ice is an obstacle to you and not an essential of life, a whole new world of opportunity may be opening up.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Comes once again the lowly crock pot (560 words)
Here is an easy and hearty recipe to start you on your journey that you can cook on a snowy day: Boogie Woogie Beef.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Canadian provinces born in language debate (700 words)
Bourassa would return to Quebec embittered, and establish Le Devoir as the voice of Quebec nationalism. In the wake of the Alberta and Saskatchewan minority language drama he would write "we are bound to come to the conclusion that Quebec is our only country because we have no liberty elsewhere."
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
To Sir, with complimentary cocktail (660)
We find a moment to chat briefly about the new Canadian $20 and how she wishes we'd do something about that dreadful green, when Sir Ian McKellen barges in, and we all know how he is when he gets around queens! I slowly back away.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
I met a man from Pondicherry (700)
Suddenly, a vicious undertow struck. It sucked us under the water. We struggled to save the children. It was clear that we were lost. We saw our own three children waving on the beach. "We're going to die," said Martha.
John Mahoney edits the LCC.
Joe McCarthy: Back from Hell? (460)
Legions of liberals have spewed plenty of ink castigating the Bush-ferrets at the FOX network for their biased coverage of the news and their simpering toadyism as regards our two-term tyrant. Apparently their "right blight" infection is contagious.
Jim Austin writes it like he feels it in Putney, Vermont.
Year-end trivia quiz 2004 (1300 words)
It was a year marked by the departure of the Expos, but the comeback of the Bloc Québécois; the shame of the Quebec sponsorship scandal, but the triumph of Auditor-General Sheila Fraser; the asymmetrical vision of Premier Jean Charest, but the family feud of the Parti Québ&ea;cute;cois.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Food Trends 2005 (860 words)
Our mothers were told that margarine was a healthy alternative to butter. Now it turns out that Mom might have been killing us with trans fats and hydrogenated vegetable oils.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Hope you had a good Christmas (600)
You won't get around to read this until after Boxing Day. After all, who has time to read excruciatingly funny, jet-setting playboy columnists when there are cookies and cats to decorate?
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Walk a mile in their shoes (600)
Republican voters have ignored dishonesty, incompetence, ideological fanaticism, and corruption to vote their Ayatollah into office. Obviously, they are incapable of empathy.
Jim Austin writes it like he feels it in Putney, Vermont.
Dear Santa (460)
It looks like I'll do pretty well Anyway. I saw the love of my life checking out the prices on the new Lexus so I think I'm in for a real surprise come Christmas morning.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
My country, it's winter (800 words)
When it comes to enduring winter our countrymen and women of French heritage have about 150 years more experience than those who came afterwards to the Great White North from other, more temperate lands.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
Little Drummer Boy, etcetera etcetera (645)
Christmas music is everywhere, starting sometime after Halloween. But really it has little Christian influence. No one ever hears N'Sync singing "O Holy Night" and thinks, "Hmmm, I must to church."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Introducing Sam Chatto, the (possible) King of the Brits (590)
For those of you untutored in the ways of the monarchy, primogeniture is the feudal rule that governs who can be the next to wear the Crown.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
Good to go for corned beef hash (650 words)
Here is a classic recipe for corned beef hash. I trust Pierre Berton is making his version in the heavens.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
James of Nazareth, or Holidays are always hard for brother of Christ (600)
A 2000-year-old ossuary, a box that held bones, bears the inscription: "James, son of Joseph, brother of Jesus." Until now, all references to the three men have been found only in manuscripts. So this Christmas, as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, I would also like to tip my hat to his brother James.
Ricky Blue is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer.
Scotsmen's Road - where the past lives on in Quebec City (840 words)
Beyond the door and to the right of a foyer hung with old portraits, up the wide, well-worn wooden staircase, lies what has been one of the best-kept secrets in Quebec City -- in Canada, for that matter.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
The Flashlight (670)
This wasn't just the tiny Maglite you can hold in your mouth so you can have two hands free to defuse a bomb in the dark (hey, it could happen) but the big four D-cell-battery-mother. The kind you hold above your shoulder and say in a deep voice, "Excuse me, Ma'am, could you get out the car? There's a-gonna be some friskin'."
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Meet Canada's rich folks, and really rich folks (450)
The three Irving brothers, of New Brunswick - Gassy, Greasey, and Oily - still rank forth in filthy family lucre even though the province they own has one of the highest rates of unemployment and the lowest incomes in the country.
Tim Belford is host of Quebec AM, CBC Radio's popular off-island morning program.
All I want for Christmas (660 words)
I am prepared to carry the torch proudly for all Quebecois and present one of our best food products to the world. That's right folks -- I'm going to be the King of Cretons.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
Bring on the Rapture (650)
Now that Torquemada (alias John Ashcroft) is out of here we can at least hope for an Attorney General that doesn't clap citizens in irons and hold them there until they confess.
Jim Austin writes it like he feels it in Putney, Vermont.
Quebec eyeing LNG market (720 words)
The resistance to LNG in Quebec is raising concerns that the province may be missing the boat - or tanker, rather - as the world shifts to LNG to satisfy the relentless consumption of energy.
Peter Black is the producer of CBC Radio's Breakaway program, based in Quebec City, a columnist on Canadian affairs, and a freelance writer.
We're talking fat here (720 words)
I've never liked margarine very much...and I've always preferred a homemade piecrust made with good old-fashioned lard....but like most people, I've eaten more than my share of a recently identified heart-stopping killer.
Greg Duncan is the LCC's Gallivanting Gourmand.
I'm feeling a little behind (680)
I was crushed last week to learn that once again I had been passed over as the Sexiest Man Alive.
Ross Murray is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, QC. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Tongue Troopers off mark with Quinn Farm (590)
Surely it can't be easy to wield the power of the State to persecute an honest, hard-working Notre Dame de l'Ile Perrot farmer who is known for taking children on tractor rid | 
