DR.ANONYMOUS

All the scam artists aren't from Nigeria, eh?

Not long ago, an Old Friend succumbed to the honeyed words of a telemarketer pushing the dreaded MBNA credit card. Not to worry, he was told, he wouldn't experience any hassles and could tear it up, once it arrived.

After all, this was Master Charge, a reputable world-wide outfit.

Uh, oh. Been there done that.

Old Friend, you will now be called a few times a week. After MBNA has approved a card you will then be offered a separate line of credit that you can then transfer your MBNA card balances to at a lower rate when you wish.

This is strange given that the MBNA card is offered at zero percent for six months and I cannot understand how one can offer a lower rate than zero percent.

I asked and they were stumped.

MBNA is an aggressive telemarketer and will offer you extra insurance on the card via further telephone calls at suppertime.

Their automated telemarketing system will plague you and your answering machine. I have blocked their number which begins with 613-something. I was getting calls almost every day.

BTW - they told me once that if you are a customer you cannot request to be taken off their list unless you cease to be a customer.

In other words, you will have to cancel any card that you have accepted and then be subjected to calls asking why you cancelled and offering further incentives to come back.

They don't stop there.

They will offer you a payment holiday at regular intervals just for being a good customer and increase your limit every two months without you ever asking.

If you do take the payment holiday. your rate automatically switches to upwards of 18 percent. It's in the fine print of course.

Did I mention the convenient "cash as you need it" checks that will arrive every month in the mail?

On those, expect to pony up 21.5 percent and a percentage of the total cash advance fee for every one you use.

Do not use these ever as they will telephone you and ask if you would like them to do an automatic deposit in your branch account.

All they need is your account number and transit coordinates, of course.

Decline all offers or you will be accepting further credit inquiries to Equifax and or Trans-union. These two are the primary credit reporting agencies and you need not have inquiries which can negatively affect your over all credit rating.

All this to say that one good Visa card does it all.

I cancelled my MBNA card (in writing) and spent twenty bucks online to open an account with Equifax and Trans-union so I can monitor any credit inquiries and get updates on my rating.

It took MBNA months to cancel my available credit, despite repeated requests and I was forced to send Equifax and Trans-union a copy of the letter of cancellation to have them contact MBNA to adjust the file.

Old Friend, I said, I thought you might find some of this useful in any future telephone dealings with MBNA.

All the scam artists aren't from Nigeria, eh?