Greg Duncan

His previous columns are archived HERE.

GREG DUNCAN

Bye-Bye Parents

Dropped the first born off at her college dorm last weekend amidst a flurry of worried parents and their own offloading (or is that freeloading?) offspring. I observed more than one commonality as we navigated the throng on moving day. Dads with grey hair and Moms with teary cheeks was just one.

Which of the aging sexes worried most was not entirely discernable. Fathers furrowed their brows and gave the evil eye to frosh football player types while Mothers eyed the same, but employed a different mannerism. More like the up and down eye scan all women of a certain age use when checking out the opposite sex.

Men are never sure just what the up and down scan truly reveals in analysis, but I suspect it has nothing to so with the potential for a college degree. Perhaps the ladies were just checking out the child's potential partners for study hall? And, I wonder why the Fathers seemed so interested in meeting the roommates?

Parents seem to have their own methodology when sizing up it seems. What, Britney is your roommate? I'll have to visit often. Mom wants to visit often too, only next door.

Boxes and boxes of vanity stuff and volumes and volumes of clothing made their way from trunk to trailer so to speak. It seems that freshman girls have different priorities than the boys when it comes to the absolute necessities in pursuit of a higher education. True to form, my princess had packed the entire fall fashion collection, not to mention the spring and summer collection.

Meanwhile, items being toted into the guy's dorm next door appeared to be little more than duffle and sports bags and smuggled beer. I say the proximity of the male dorm to the female dorm is unfortunate for parents and contributes little toward homework and study. Oh yes, an education will be had all right, but not the kind that parents have in mind.

Did I mention we bought new sheets for the princess? I should have bought capsicum bear spray more likely. Meanwhile the bears all seem to have cars and we all know it is polite to offer a girl a ride to campus right? Oh yeah, and back home too.

We have made sure that the daughter is well prepared for daily college life by providing her with all the required items for the fridge and kitchen. She has all the right ingredients and tools to prepare lunches and healthy meals. However, I fear we have helped lay (an unfortunate verb that, to lay) the table for future supper parties that will include the bears. That is, when hairy males are allowed by permission only into the dorm between defined hours.

However, judging by the looks of the house administrators, this would be like asking Lindsay Lohan or Amy Winehouse if the boys can come to dinner. Bearing this in mind, I just might prefer she eat at Subway and Tim Horton after all, and I regret giving her my secret spaghetti sauce recipe.

Did I mention that there was a planned BBQ with a DJ for the first night on campus at the residences? This signals what college life is truly about. The local nightclub was passing out free admission coupons to all new students at the BBQ apparently, and using the appropriate theme of Bye- Bye Parents.

So... what are we to do, us of the un-cool? I don't have any magic safekeeping recipe this time round, and my collection of college memories does little to dissuade any fear.

Let's just hope she eats breakfast, studies hard, eats right, and goes to bed (hers, alone) early. A wise auntie gave this advice. "It's all in keeping the balance between work and the parties. You know if you skip a class, then you are out of balance."

Words to live by, sweetheart.