"The whine of the pointy headed fecker is obnoxious again in the Land of the Illegal Apostrophe and from the Ministry of Dumb waft lauds and approvals"
Quebec's language cops get nettish, go after web pages
Sweet Suffering Jesus, will Quebec's anti-Anglos ever let up?
The ship is sinking and the separatist government's tongue police are boring more holes in the hull.
First, it was the hated Anglo possessive apostrophe that threatened the existence of French Quebec.
Now, it's English-only commercial homepages on the Internet.
Nettish agents of the official language police are surfing the world wide web at this very instant, seeking out linguistic scofflaws in la belle province.
Computer store owner Morty Grauer of Montreal got his final warning recently -- his English-only web page did not conform to the language law.
Article 52 of the Charter of the French Language mandates that all commercial publications must be in French. Grauer has about 80 percent of his English text translated but it's not on line yet.
The pointy headed feckers gave him 30 days to get the French pages up and running or face sanctions.
[Editor's Note: two percent of web pages are in French, 85 percent in English. Hey, mes amis, not our fault -- that's the way it is.]
Quebec's Minister of Dumb, Louise Beaudoin, applauds the pointy headed feckers' vigilance in the quest for linguistic purity. Oui, these Anglo businessmen from the world's best-treated minority must be brought to heel.
Why, in the last year complaints about English signs have increased by 2000, to 4386. No question about it, the maudits anglais are getting uppity again.
Quebec's economy is lagging far behind the rest of Canada. Because of the language laws and the political uncertainty over continuing threats of separation, foreign investment has dried up. Unemployment is rampant, there are few jobs for young people, and the Anglos are again leaving -- but quietly this time.
More than 300,000 Anglos have taken the 401 west since the Parti Québécois took power in 1976, and an estimated 1000 businesses have slipped out of town.
Grauer stayed, and he employs 40 people. These days, in Quebec, a new business startup that employs 40 people is shouted about long and loud from separatist rooftops.
The pointy headed feckers long ago decreed that on legal bilingual signs, words in French have to be twice as big or there have to be twice as many signs in French.
Which works fine in a province where most of the people are Francophone.
Ah, la belle province...such an interesting place to visit but no place to invest your money.
Copyright © 1998 John Mahoney/Log Cabin Chronicles/6.97