FRANK BERNHEISEL

Masters of the Universe

Recently on the financial news -- and also for at least the last year -- I heard that the Masters of the Universe have been sitting on two trillion dollars, $2,000,000,000,000, because of uncertainty.

Poor dears, they must have lost their mojo.

We all know that in the past the Masters of the Universe have been able to predict the future and that is why they are paid such high salaries and bonuses. Now the mojo is gone but the salaries keep rising.

Overheard in the Board Room:

Master One says: "We need certainty, what do we do?"

Master Two says: "I have an idea, let's buy the government. If we own the government we will do away with uncertainty because all uncertainty is the fault of regulation."

Master Three: "I am going to put $40 million* into Scott Walker's campaign to help take down the unions. Having to negotiate with unions causes almost uncertainty as government regulation."

Master One: "Great idea! And besides, there are a couple of cool ways to write that money off as a business expense and get a deduction."

Master Two: "That is as it should be, after all these contributions to the greater good should be paid for by all taxpayers."

Master Three: "After the election and when we rewrite, I mean reform, the tax code we will make these contributions to the greater good, a tax credit."