SHAWVILLE, QUEBEC | It's OK to go to bed mad

The old axiom for couples, parents or not, is that any disagreement in the evening must be worked out before going to sleep, together. This results in endless, churlish discussions and late nights, leading to a weary next day. You are both tired, so how are you going to reach any conclusion, agreement, or apology?

Being tired is probably the main reason you fought. So go to sleep. Early. Get a good night's rest, and see how important the issue is in the morning. If it seems significant, talk about it. Most of the time, after a good sleep and a blue-sky morning, domestic disputes lose their drama.

Between the huge and the very small

Scientists have figured out that speaking about things on a very large scale -- astronomy and cosmology -- requires a different way of thinking and talking than speaking about the very small, as in quantum theory.

Scientists wonder why these two languages don't meet in a common theory. In reality, the big question is what is between the very large and the small -- our human scale -- and why is it virtually incomprehensible?

Cosmology and quantum mathematics are cakewalks, clear as a bell, compared to the language we use to describe our daily lives. Chaos reigns here, but in a testimony to our ingenuity humanity is able to muddle along, speaking at cross purposes all the while. This middle level of experience contains our personal relationships, our thoughts, intentions, actions, fears, and aspirations.

It is where two people describe the same event differently and where so many marriages that begin in love, crash and burn. "It is a wonder any relationship works," I heard my sister, a therapist, remark recently. She was discussing our cosmos' very puzzling mid-scale reality.

Happiness is not the most important thing

We continually hear, "I only want to be happy." -- "I wish only happiness for them." -- "All you need is happiness in life."

Honestly! How simple-minded can we get? Sure, it's wonderfully simple to be happy; there's nothing else like it, is there?

But wasn't Adolph Hitler often happy, before his end, and aren't many murderers and tyrants said to cheer, laugh, fiddle, and sing as their beastliness unfolds? Lunatics and maniacs can be very happy people. Does being happy make them OK, or even lessen their horror? Not likely.

Happiness means squat, at least in these cases, and if happiness is worthless in some cases, its claim to universality isn't strong.

It's hard to identify a single, universal Good Thing, but there is one. Respect is pretty close -- self-respect, respect for elders, respect for the environment, and so on, all very Confucian -- but not quite it.

The one universal good thing that not a single person in the world should be without and which should be birthright of every child: a mother's love.

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Copyright © 2009 Fred Ryan/Log Cabin Chronicles/04.09