Log Cabin Chronicles Fred Ryan's A new form of cursing column

LOG CABIN CHRONICLES

Pesticide!
A curse whose time has come

FRED RYAN
Posted 11.02.06

I'm going to wade into water well over my head, and, as a typically dense Anglo, make some suggestions for change to the French language.

Is that laughter I hear already?

Nevertheless, the suggestion is about cursing in French, which has always struck me as an admirable affair. Cursing has its place, and the place has to be rare and well-positioned for the curse to have any effect. People who scatter curse words throughout their conversation are ineffective in cursing.

Mexicans are known as powerful cursers throughout Latin America. I witnessed a Mexican identified merely by his curse words, once in Venezula. While Mexican curses often refer in colourful ways to sexuality plus relatives or life stock, Quebecois cursing is notable for the majesty of its religious imagery.

This is about cursing as a literary form or as verbal jousting. I have no capacity to comment on theological points; surely, pious people think every bit of cursing should be done away with.

Be that as it may, what cursing that does exist in the world can be seen as colourful and folkloric, like playing the fiddle. In that sense, Quebecers should catch up with their own history. The Quiet Revolution removed religiousity out of so much of society. And the results seem good; Quebec now has a most sophisticated culture because of its freedom from old ideological shackles and its freedom from history, this being something new.

But why not in language, of all things? Religion should be taken out of cursing, period. Religious people will agree.

The question is then what to replace it with, since cursing seems such a universal habit. Without suggesting that religion in modern times has been supplanted by environmentalism, I suggest modern cursing in French take an environmentalist direction.

Quebec's population is very green-minded, very concerned with climate change, endangered species, and deforestation, all very fashionable ideas. For example, the very powerful one-word epithet, the one-word hammer - should that be referring to a piece of the dish ware on the altar! Religious references are now private and not as grandiose as they used to be.

A new epithet of tremendous power would be (in French) "PESTICIDE!" Say it a few times, with vehemence. Put the emphasis on different syllables. Try it. You'll see it has immense power.

And about slurs, we have to graduate from bathroom humour or the juvenile to slurs of undeniable verbal power, if we're going to make this an art form. For example, instead of calling someone the offspring of a female dog, or instead referring to him as the posterior end of his digestive track, call him a genetically modified organism.

"You Genetically Modified Organism!"

Spit it out, Try spitting it out a few different ways. That'll put anyone in their place. And its very au courant, which is an important feature of French culture, thank you very much. Try these expressions. They bring the art form of cursing into the modern age, without insulting religious sensibilities.

Fred Ryan is publisher of Quebec's Aylmer Bulletin, West Quebec Post, and the Pontiac Journal. He is also a director of the Quebec Community Newspapers Association.