LOG CABIN CHRONICLES

Facebook & Orwell, tongue-in-cheek-ishly

Posted 3.21.18
FRED RYAN

SHAWVILLE, QUEBEC | When our household returned home after a recent trip we found the following message on the computer:

NOTICE TO ALL FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS

"Attention, valued clients, after 14-plus years of serving you, Facebook finds itself with a vast accumulation of data. The Corporation now has X gigabytes of information about the lives of each client.

"We have data about who you contacted and when, what you said about most topics, personal to political, business to recreational, where you went and, especially, what you ate. This vast array of data is in storage, well-ordered, and sortable.

"Facebook is not violating any laws by collecting and storing this information. It is out legal right, be advised. All social media have the right to amass, sort, and store personal information. As corporations, we are also citizens.

"One of any citizen's rights is the right to copyright material in our possession, generated by our processes and devices. We have the legal right to copyright all information, photos, data, numbers, and recordings generated by our various systems. The purpose of this Notice is to inform you personally, as our valued client, that Facebook has copyrighted your life.

"This is spelled out in detail in the Agreement of Use, which you accepted.

"Hence, and henceforth, not you personally but your life is now the legal property of the Corporation. Be advised, valued client, that certain changes to your life must be undertaken only with the Corporation's consent. Otherwise you, valued client, may be open to legal action.

"We ask you to consult the Agreement of Use (which you skipped over, all 280 pages in fine type) for details of the penalties, fines, and, in rare cases, prison sentences liable for any unauthorized changes to your life.

"This legal Notice is to assist you in preparing for your future. You will not arrive intact, as a well-known radio program urges. It is not possible. Please prepare to live with these new measures, these admirable technological advances which make all our lives so much easier -- and fun.

"We at the Corporation encourage you to explore all the services offered to you by us, at almost no cost. Have a good day."

Goodness! I woke up. Whew, I thought, wow, too much like The Matrix movie, a few years ago.

I certainly don't want to become a virtual slave, even if it allows me free wifi and unlimited roaming. I am a free man, a modern Canadian! Wait … wait, what's that sound … what, my cell phone is on? How can that be? I'm certain I turned it off, just before falling to sleep checking my Facebook pages … I’m certain! But it's blinking. What the … (I turn it off -- again).

But it doesn't shut off. I hear in response, "I'm sorry, Fred, I cannot do that. Your phone now stays on. This is for your own enjoyment and pleasure."

john@johnmahoney.com




Copyright © 2018 Fred Ryan/Log Cabin Chronicles/3.18