Blowjob Bill, Mission-accomplished George, and their miserable, embarrassing, continuing failures
(350)
Oh, thatÕs so harsh, Johnny boy. Whatever are you saying?
The LCC
enters 13th year on_line (380)
And what a strange dozen years it has been.
Del's Diner:
First in an occasional series on various eateries here and there (365)
The smell of a new car always makes me
hungry, especially if IÕm doing a road test at lunchtime. The pressure increases if the rig is bright red.
Coco Jarry:
First in an occasional series on various eateries here and there (320)
I turn leery when I ask for a simple garden
salad with my steak instead of mixed vegetables and potato and the lovely young waitress with a lovely young smile says:
"That will be extra."
Not
another young Western life wasted, not another young Western body maimed (300)
I heard the word "Allah!"
over and over again, so it was clear they were invoking the name they give the all-merciful, all-loving God. I understood the
whistles and cheers, the sound of clapping, the pointing of fingers, the pumping of hands and fists. The men were
high-spirited, passionate.
Questions I'm
being asked about leaving Fool's Hollow (190)
Q: Is it true you're selling the Hovel and moving to
Ontario?
Citizen, we
know who you are (300)
See, there are now the Good Guys, the patriots who are charged with keeping the Homeland
safe from terrorists and criminals. And then there is Everybody Else.
Had enough,
America? (250)
Listen, you're all invited to read this but I'm specifically addressing the morons who put Bush et
al in control of the Universe as we know it.
Retired QC
physician self-publishes photo book (380)
SHERBROOKE, QC | Just in time for High Summer, Dr. Robert 'Bob'
Paulette's new photographic portrait of Quebec's Eastern Townships has just come off the press. The Eastern Townships
contains some 100 of Paulette's color photographs made over the years throughout the backroads of this lovely region of
southern Quebec.
Quebec's Educationist Shuck & Dive Squad (450)
Q: What glows and stinks like dead fish in
the moonlight?
A: The so-called school kids' Laptop Initiative bulldogged by the Eastern Townships School
Board (ETSB).
A Red Meat
Day At The Cow Palace (560)
DERBY CENTER, VT | If you're a Vegan, read no further. This here piece is about red
meat and whiskey followed by pie and ice cream.
Veteran
QC newspaper editor retires (1100)
SHERBROOKE, QC | It's a far piece to travel from the Gaspé to the
Eastern Townships but not as far as from the tiny Gaspé SPEC community newspaper to the editorship of the daily
Sherbrooke Record.
I get mail
and some of it's strange (300)
FOOL'S HOLLOW, QC | Every now and then I receive these strange e-mail messages.
Sometimes, someone, somewhere, is annoyed with me for my trash-writing. I most always reply in a kindly fashion -- rarely do
I Dick Cheney them with a GFY answer.
The kindness of strangers (700)
Yes, I know, we live in hectic times here on the mean streets of the
early twenty-first century. Really, who has the time and extra energy to be…nice.
Stanstead, Quebec's new Granite Museum (900)
If all the bits and pieces fall into place, Stanstead's
new granite promotion center will open for business before Christmas.
Still
buggered by Barney Google (600)
Well, misterman, I was so friggin' pleased when I read how well Google is doing
these days. I've never liked being screwed without being kissed, but in Google's case I'm making an exception.
QC weekly
Stanstead Journal editor moves to daily Sherbrooke Record (195)
STANSTEAD, QC | Patrick Lavery, former editor of
the Stanstead Journal, has joined the reporting team at the daily Sherbrooke Record. He was the fourth editor at the
160-year-old community newspaper in the past two years.
Return of the Branch Manager (600)
FOOL'S HOLLOW, QUEBEC | Jim Jory is 80 now, but he's still a good
man to have on your side when you have tree problem.
Part 1:
There's Niagara on the Lake and then there's the Other Place (1000)
a lot of people visit notul every day, in
every month of the year, and many of them are very tanned and very cool looking, and speak in many tongues.
Part 2:
There's Niagara on the Lake and then there's the Other Place (700)
A lot of people visit Notul every day, in every
month of the year, and many of them are very tanned and very cool looking, and speak in many tongues.
How to catch
trouts (225)
LENNOXVILLE, QC | Cause to have constructed a deep pond. Source it with constantly flowing cold,
clean water. Stock it with speckled trout - locally, a loonie each at the hatchery.
Poutine, as quick as you can say 'Shanannie' (390)
DERBY LINE, VT | How does a fella feed his
poutine hungries in a small Vermont border village like this? Or come Sunday morning and a girl gets a hankering for eggs
benedict?
Thank God
they're not taking MY house (345)
DERBY LINE, VT | Residents here breathed a collective sigh of relief on
Wednesday when they finally saw what the US government has in mind for the revamped Customs/Immigration facility on
I-91.
Still
longing for my stuff, UPS (500)
Bobbin Mill Road is a short, dead-end street. There are just seven houses on the
right hand side of the street. My friend Charlie lives in the last house on the right.
No cheers
for Bell Canada, eh? (635)
"No, no," I explain, "It's not an Internet problem, it's a telephone
line problem. Your guys have done something to the wire connections up the road, n'est ce pas?"
No cheers
for Bell Canada, eh? (635)
"No, no," I explain, "It's not an Internet problem, it's a telephone
line problem. Your guys have done something to the wire connections up the road, n'est ce pas?"
I
met a man from Pondicherry (700)
Suddenly, a vicious undertow struck. It sucked us under the water. We struggled
to save the children. It was clear that we were lost. We saw our own three children waving on the beach. "We're going to
die," said Martha.
America, for
shame, for shame (380)
Do not prattle to me any more about being the Land of the free and the home of the brave.
Do not try to con me with your drivel about being one nation under God. Do not snarl your disbelief that torture is a tool in
your government's bag of tricks, and to expose it is treason.
Methane-powered electric plant delayed (300)
COVENTRY, VT | Plans to construct a 5-megawatt
methane-powered electrical generating plant at the massive Casella landfill here have been temporarily stalled by the state
Public Service Board.
Crazy as a
shithouse rat (220)
COVENTRY, VT | You've always loved the music of the Phish. They're your heroes. You'd lay down
your cape over a mud puddle for them, you'd give them all your money.
Securing America Forever (550)
To continue to reward the affluent and powerful, insure the domestic
tranquillity, and present to the world a united front, we need to re-order American society once and for all.
Remembering an excellent lady (350)
I introduced myself to her and she said she remembered me and
promptly demanded an accounting of my life since graduation some two decades previously.
Eye Op
II (580)
I'm feeling vulnerable, sitting half-naked in the OR lounge (Ha! Talk about euphemisms.). I'm waiting for
the surgeon to slice open my eyeball, suck out the old cloudy lens, and slip in a piece of expensive plastic that promises to
restoreth my vision to the eagle-eyed days of yore.
What
in hell are we doing? (500)
The real problem with the NEWS-VT landfill in Coventry, Vermont, is not Casella Waste
Management's expansion plan. The real problem is you and me. Truth is, we're garbage addicts. But we don't want it buried in
our backyards.
Activists
kill dwarf-tossing bash (200)
The Annual Tossing of the Dwarves Day celebration here was abruptly cancelled early
this morning following court action by an activist group.
The eye in the
storm (560)
This painless procedure, Dr. Laser assures him, will get rid of the tiny opaque nasties left over
from the cataract surgery/lens implant he did last December. Johnny is enthused about the prospects, if not the procedure. He
assures the Silver Fox they will be on their way home long before dark.
Canadian opponents of Vermont landfill expansion make the issue international (750)
NEWPORT, VT |
Opposition to the massive dump expansion plan in the Lake Memphremagog watershed here went international Thursday evening in
a big way.
Student
supports angry faculty
but hopes for a short strike (550)
LENNOXVILLE, QC | The first-ever faculty strike at
Bishop's University here has a Lyndon Institute alumna from Vermont a tad worried.
Canadian plea: 'Don't enlarge your dump' (650)
NEWPORT, VT | A Quebec environmental group has urged
a Vermont regulatory board to reject plans to expand the Green Mountain state's largest landfill, which is in the Lake
Memphremagog watershed.
Toxic
Time Bomb #2 (550)
NEWPORT, VT | Everyone official from Governor Jim Douglas down to the city rat catcher here
appears to have faith in Vermont's Big Dump Guy. They all want to believe him when he says he'll never do anything to pollute
beautiful Lake Memphremagog.
There's a time bomb in our back yard (250)
COVENTRY, VT | They've created a potentially toxic time
bomb in the Lake Memphremagog watershed and now they want to almost double it's size. On Thursday, at 7 p.m. in theTown Hall
here, they'll be looking for faith-based approval to truck in 2500 tons of waste a day.
Misterman, if you
live in snow country, you owe it to yourself to get a Snohoe.
You know how it is: on a winter morning you go
outside and the car is covered with fresh snow. Which you must remove before driving to town to replenish your liquor
cabinet.
Pioneer aviator inducted posthumously into Quebec Air and Space Museum Hall of Fame
Roger Smith was
born to fly. His life-long love affair with airplanes began in 1928 when he was 15 and ended only last August when he died at
age 90 -- just three months before he was inducted into the Quebec Air and Space Museum Hall of Fame.
Award-winning Stanstead Journal editor out of a job - owner says Ross Murray 'resigned'
(200)
STANSTEAD, QC | The veteran editor of the 158-year-old Stanstead Journal says he has been "mentally fired"
by the new owner, Jean-Yves Durocher of Rock Island.
The Intrepid
Trio, in search of Autumn Color, meets Bronson Johnson, the Seamless Gutter King of Milton, and the Sky God of Northern
Vermont (1200)
We came to the mountain in search of autumn color only to have our visual delights cut short too
soon by the capricious Sky God of northern Vermont. Our Intrepid Trio was not disappointed, no, for not only did we glimpse
fine foliage but we met up with Bronson Johnson, the Seamless Gutter King from Milton.
Joining up with Uncle Sam (550)
I got on the bus as 17-year-old Johnny Mahoney, wearing jeans and
white bucks. Within minutes of getting off the bus I was sworn in as Pvt. John Mahoney, RA1127386, and I was pointed like a
guided missile towards Easy Company of the 20th Infantry Regiment in Fort Ord, California.
Seadoo
Fascists (350)
"No," I told my grandson Ben, "it isn't legal to shoot them. You can't even fire a
warning shot over their bows."
The Final
Word (700)
Closing remarks delivered at the annual Newport, Vermont High School Alumni Association banquet on
Saturday, July 19, at the East Side Restaurant in Newport, Vermont.
An instant
love affair (300)
I'm in love. And it happened in the wink of an eye. The instant I fanned through the 180 pages
of the Lee Valley Hardware Catalog for 2002/2003, I knew I had to possess it.
A good
man gone (440)
If justice exists anywhere in this universe, and there is anything at all after life on this abused
and tortured planet, David McLauchlin is fishing somewhere out there.
But
it's my lake monster (440)
Yup, this ex-flatlander woman down in Newport, Vermont -- Barbara Malloy aka Mrs.
Murgatroyd -- is obsessed with the belief that she owns and controls all rights to and expressions of the mythological sea
serpent that dwells in Lake Memphremagog.
Beautiful Waters
lake monster re-surfaces (200)
Yes, that's the bald-faced fact: our Fo-kam cameras caught the elusive lake monster
humping its way down the lake. A section of the monster's back appeared briefly above the surface, distorted into three humps
-- yes, three glistening wet humps -- by its natural forward-motion rhythm.
Throw the rascals out (400)
If Premier Bernard Landry and his Quebécois secessionists are
kicked out of power in Monday's election, they can do some partial fingerpointing at a descendant of Ralph the Pagan, a
vassal of William the Conqueror.
Come,
celebrate Spring! Toss a dwarf or two... (500)
The highlight of the day is the hilarious Tossing of the Dwarves,
which traditionally has been taken place on both sides of manure-filled ditch. However, due to concerted pressure from
outside agitators, this year a line will be drawn in a sandbox and the participating dwarves will be tossed across the
line.
The
dying will begin soon (250)
Torn and bloodied, once-lusty young men and women will call out for their mothers.
Others will moan and whimper at the end.
An angel
was watching
The seven young men who narrowly escaped freezing to death this past weekend during an all-night
ordeal on the wild side of Jay Peak are facing a hefty rescue bill.
Exercise -- it's a
no-brainer (325)
So, before Christmas the Silver Fox obtains for moi a gift certificate for thirty days trial
access to the local torture chamber, aka the gym.
All watched over by
machines of loving grace (350)
I am feeling ever so much secure living next to the brave old homeland since I
learned that the US Government plans to watch over us with unmanned spy drones.
Vermont wine tasting
epic (900)
Misterman, just down the driveway we discover the North River Winery retail outlet. The big sign
reads: Free Wine Tastings! The big flag reads: OPEN. The young lady standing behind the bottle grins as we push
through the door.
The era of the Patriot
Tipster (450)
The Bush Administration is busily tapping into that repressive predisposition that has been part of
the American psyche since the Puritans landed at Plymouth Rock.
Radio Missisquoi
adopts 2-frequency strategy to get on the air (450)
KNOWLTON, QC | The directors of Radio Communautaire Missisquoi
(RCM) will ask the Canadian government to allow it to broadcast on two frequencies to fully cover its listener
area.
Canada's official National
Rodent moves in
I got helluva shock Monday when I walked down back to the swampy area where the two small brooks
converge. The beavers have moved in and are beavering away. Let the chips fall where they may and all that.
Book Review: Granite
& Cedar: The People and the Land of Vermont's Northeast Kingdom
To begin, there was the thrill of recognition.
I knew these faces in my heart, I knew these buildings, those small vistas, the dead cars behind the barn. This was home and
home, said Robert Frost, is the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in.
Radio Missisquoi
vows to fight on
KNOWLTON, QC | Bloodied but not down and out, backers of Radio Communautaire Missisquoi (RCM)
have vowed to fight on to get their community radio station on the air.
Chill winds
from lawyers blow
Basically, the lawyers say that if I don't do a Soviet -- delete all traces of the story and
pretend for history it never existed, and "rectify" the information about the contract award -- then the
Townshippers Association (TA) reserves the right to come down on the LCC like ugly on ape.
O mi God, we've got us a
maple sap drip controversy (780)
It started innocently enough. Charlie Tetreault, my Newport, Vermont bureau
chief, e-mailed a digital photograph of a drop of sap dripping from a spout into a sap bucket.
Nervous about anthrax?
Actually, it's not a new story in North America. (715)
Yes, people are jittery about foreign terrorists
unleashing deadly germs like anthrax into the air they breathe, the water they drink. What kind of monsters, they ask, would
commit such a heinous act? But Canada, like the U.S. and the U.K., is no stranger to the production of anthrax for use in
germ warfare. And it's not a new story -- it goes back more than sixty years. In 1937, Canada and the United States created a
super-secret germ warfare research facility on Grosse Ile in the St. Lawrence River, thirty miles from Quebec City. It was in
operation for two decades, until the mid-1950s. Its deadly products: anthrax and tuleremia -- rabbit fever.
What price liberty?
(475)
Curtailment of certain basic freedoms, it will be argued in cleverest of Newspeak, is necessary -- that is
the price of freedom. Are you ready to produce upon demand to any 'authority' figure -- cop, rent-a-cop, bus driver -- your
national identification card?
Kayaking Vermont's Black
River (840)
Bass and I slide our rented kayaks into the Black River just outside of Coventry, at the Fish &
Game access on U.S. Route 5. In this part of Vermont, the rivers run north and that's where we're headed at 8:30 this Monday
morning.
A Fool"s Hollow
Weekend
Then my old chum Captain My Captain arrives in mid-morning with very large trailer of damp horseshit he's
acquired from some horsey folks over by the lake.
Quebec's Wired Family
Program
Our separatist Quebec government has just spent $170 million dollars to lure 200,000 families onto the
Information Highway. I wonder if the Pequistes realize that in cyberspace, most of the traffic signs are in English. And
wherever did they find the money?
Travels with the Bog
Man
Except for birdsong and the occasional rustling of a soft breeze through the trees it was silent but there
were stories everywhere: The deer trails were damp and well-trafficked; here a coyote had left his fur-filled
scat...
A case for public
executions
Satisfy public blood lust, raise money, and everybody wins. Well, almost everybody.
No such thing as a free
lunch
Just because you were born free doesn't mean you will get a free ride the rest of your born days. And spare
me that tired old song about how information wants to be free.
Little girl, dying, gets her
Christmas wish
It started with a wrong number.
John Mahoney, editor, Log Cabin Chronicles.
Still being screwed by
the PQ
And they never kiss you first.
Mayor under the gun
Mayor Harvey Lothrop of Stanstead East believes his council is out to get him, and his family.
Quebec ID cards: a bad idea whose
time has come (350 words) First voluntary, then mandatory, then what?
Quebec budget includes family
surfing subsidies (500 words)
The family that surfs together, stays together. John Mahoney, Editor, Log Cabin
Chronicles.
Big guy versus little guy
National food corporation tries to squash small Vermont maple producer.
Teaching English in
Quebec
In the French school system, you really don't have to speak it to teach it, it seems.
The Bag Balm Story
Shania
Twain, Dr. Daniels, et moi...slip-sliding away.
Country Superstar inadvertantly helps small local niche business to
soar.
The new town hall sign (250
words)
Sawed, sealed, and solid as the rock of Gibraltar.
I wasn't always a Grits Guy
Now, sometimes, in the middle of the night...
Journalism II
How not
to make friends, influence people, get rich, or win ~ be a journalist.
Can a free press survive in the
U.S.?
An inquiry into the question that, given the conflicting interests of the people, business interests,
politicians, government agencies and the courts, is it possible to strike a socially acceptable balance and still have a fair
and vigorous free press whose right to function is fully protected by the First Amendment?
Just Folks
Howard Reed was an early Vermont aviator, a stone carver who took pride in craftsmanship, and a maker of fine violins.
Not bad for a boy from tiny Graniteville, Quebec.
Jim Jory is our local
branch manager
He climbs right to the top and power saws them down.
Pie à la mode
No more
glory days at the Hotel Cambridge.
Tom Paxton: Folk singer with the
right stuff.
Still seeing it and singing it straight.
Just Folks: Banoist John
Steven Foster
He builds his banjos out of gourds.
Why I Won't Buy Altoid Mints
Who needs a company that does porno ads with kids?
A bike trail doesn't run through it.
Bad feelings in Fool's Hollow.
Waiting for the barbarians
Words, pictures. A picture story, of sorts.
With abject apologies to Constantine Cavafy.
To get the job done, get some
grannies
Weir Memorial Park lacked playground equipment and these two grannies got tired of waiting for someone
to take action...
The night the Dutch girls came to
town
It was a dark and sultry night and no one was waiting for them...
All aboard the Foliage Special
You can get there from here this Vermont autumn.
A memorial plaque comes home
Quebec Diver Jacques Boisvert discovers stolen church memorial at the bottom of beautiful Lake Memphremagog.
Wrong scapegoat, guys
French cops absolve photographers in Di's demise.
Bubba seeks Bambi
The Quebec
roadhunter on the move, slowly.
Quebec moves against English-only web
sites
Separatists claim web pages violate the law.
Quebec cracks down on business
cards
Don't hand out English cards unless specifically asked.
Pequistes say that's a no-no.
Bring on the clones (450 words)
Separation delayed is not necessarily separation denied.
In which the editor sees hope for Quebec's separatists in
the Cloning Game. Baaa, baaa...
Pizza
Cruising Lake Memphremagog
Join us on the Princess. Have a slice and brew...
Call a cop? No, call the
garbageman (600 words)
Quebec's Tiny Brains have doubled the cost of so-called police protection and you still
never see them when you need them. The garbageman, however, is always on time.
Did James Earl Ray kill Martin Luther
King?
He went to his death denying it. Here's a letter he wrote me about a review of his book that I
wrote.
Looking for heroes
Where
to find them in a world gone weird.
Bill Gardyne, The Knife
Guy (1300 words)
This Vermonters has a thing for old things, and a serious passion for antique knives.
John
Mahoney, Editor, Log Cabin Chronicles.
Goodnight Irene (1000 words)
Irene Blandford, well-loved educator and supporter of the Stanstead Historical Society, dies at 82.
By John Mahoney,
Editor, Log Cabin Chronicles.
Duct tape: take it along
Don't even go on vacation without it.
By John Mahoney editor, Log Cabin Chronicles.
Tae Kwan Do expert Julie
Lebrun
At 102 pounds, she's a fighting contender.
By John Mahoney, Editor, Log Cabin Chronicles.
Why Rosemary turned blue.
(1000 words)
Retired schoolteacher wages war on silver nostrums.
By John Mahoney.
In the nose of the beholder
Your amygdala knows when something is rotten in Denmark.
By John Mahoney.
Talking Country
Flatlander, you, too, can learn to talk right.
By John Mahoney.
What did you do on your summer
vacation?
It's not always so easy to kick back.
By John Mahoney.
Cold enough for ya? (1000
words)
Perverse gloating about 3-dog nights.
By John Mahoney..
The things that go bump in the
night are us
Summer camp life in a 24-foot tin box.
By John Mahoney, Editor, Log Cabin Chronicles.
Watch your wallet
A
modest proposal for municipal revenue enhancement.
By John Mahoney, Editor, Log Cabin Chronicles.
Remembering Christmas
1953
I was a young soldier then, and a long way from home.
By John Mahoney, Editor, Log Cabin
Chronicles.
Remembering Chicago
1968
It's been 28 years since I returned from the last Democratic convention in Chicago but I still remember the
heat and the hate.
