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John Mahoney's Free-fire Zone
John Mahoney
John Mahoney
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is editor of the Log Cabin Chronicles.

His previous columns are archived HERE.

Posted 08.13.04
Fool's Hollow, Quebec

JOHN MAHONEY

Crazy as a shithouse rat

COVENTRY, VT | You've always loved the music of the Phish. They're your heroes. You'd lay down your cape over a mud puddle for them, you'd give them all your money.

And now, tired but rich, they're disbanding. Woe is unto you.

But wait…they're going to do one final concert. They are going to give their all for you, Phish Phan, one…more…time…upon the stage.

Far out.

All you have to agree to do is

  • Give them all your money
  • Join 70,000 other Phisherpersons in a musical concentration camp
  • Wait for hours in massive traffic jams before…
  • Being searched for contraband such as alcohol, fireworks, weapons, laser pens, glow sticks, tall lawn chairs, beach umbrellas, laughing gas, and unauthorized Memphre and Phish t-shirts.
  • Sleep in your car or on the wet ground
  • Share plastic Johnnies with the multitude

It's been raining for three days. Tomorrow, your heroes will start the music. You've toughed it out so far.

You plug in your laptop and check the Coventry weather via your satellite phone connection…

Heavy rain today and tonight…chance of thunderstorms…maybe partly sunny part of Saturday…back to heavy rain on Sunday…

Phish Phan, no one will blame you if you suddenly become as crazy as a shithouse rat.

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