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Ross Murray's Border Report
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Ross Murray
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is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, Quebec. You can reach him at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Posted 10.25.11
Stanstead, Quebec

ROSS MURRAY

Le Québec pour les bananaphones!

Last week, a Montreal Metro ticket taker came under fire for posting a sign in his window that read, "Au Québec c'est en français que ca se passe!"(In Quebec we do things in French.) As the following letter obtained by The Record demonstrates, this is not the first time STM employees have expressed their personal views in such a public manner.

Dear Mister Supervisor:

You have asked me to write a letter to explain my actions in regarding the sign I put in my ticket booth window that has been complained about so I am writing you this letter. My wife Bridgette is helping me write this letter also. We have been married for 23 years, many of those years have been happy but I don't care what anyone says she is good at writing letters.

I would like to start with the facts.

Fact Number 1: I made a sign at home that my daughter's boyfriend Raoul helped me to print on the printer which has trouble with jamming but Raoul is good at getting into things, this is what Bridgette says my daughter tells her. The sign said "Au Québec c'est avec une banane que ça se passe."

Fact Number 2: I made an installation of my pro-banana sign in the window of my ticket booth at Gaspwater Station where I have worked for 11 years and is a good job that is not conveying that I do not have ambition (Bridgette wants me to write she disagrees).

Fact Number 3: A small few of Metro users complained about the pro-banana sign. They called me "fruitist" even though the sign is not AGAINST other fruit but it is PRO-BANANA. One man yelled at me "Come outside of your booth so I can fight you or are you too yellow?"

Fact Number 4: Many, many other people did NOT complain!!!

Fact Number 5: This incident has been blown all out of propulsion by the anti-banana media.

And now I will defend myself.

Defence Number 1: Freedom of Expressions!!!

Defence Number 2: My Union!!!

Defence Number 3: Freedom of Decorations! Employees are permitted to decorate their working places and there is not any difference between my personal choice of decoration (a freedom of expressions) and a troll doll which is also ugly, childish, and a little bit threatening.

Defence Number 4: Because I'm right!

We must defend bananas at all costs. We are surrounded by a fruit salad of other fruits that threatens to mash our banana culture. We need to defend bananas in the homes and in our working places and we need to defend bananas a whole bunch.

It is a proven fact that there are people in Canada who would like to eradiate bananas, they would like to see bananas split. My wife Bridgette and I travelled one time to Canada and asked for bananas and they said to us "We don't have bananas! Go back to Quebec you monkey!" I know for a fact that they had bananas but they are all a bunch of apples! This is a humiliation to bananaphones that started ripening all the way back at our conquest on the Plantains of Abraham.

Making masters worse are all the immigrants coming to Quebec with their strange fruits and demanding equal bites. They want special persimmons and "reasonable a-pomme-idations" with their lychees and kumquats and other fruits that I don't know how to say and have never tried but I don't want to try because bananas. We cannot allow banana culture to be taken for pomegranate!!!

So I do not care and my wife Bridgette could not care less that my pro-banana sign bruises the feelings of SOME people or that it intimates them. They are just thin skinned and should maybe try to like bananas instead of complaining or they can just go live somewhere else like Berry, Ontario or the Grape Lakes. Bananas here or mango home!!!

For conclusion, I am not trying to be a smart guy or a smoothie but I do not apologize for my PRO-banana sign and want you to know that if I am reprihanded for defending the banana, it will be a peeled. I will continue to promote bananas and a society that eats only bananas until that glorious day when Quebec finally becomes a true banana republic.

Yours unapologeticously,

Ticket Taker 78153 Ross Murray's collection, You're Not Going to Eat That, Are You?, is available in Quebec in area book stores and through www.townships.ca. He can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca.

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