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Ross Murray's Border Report
Ross Murray
Ross Murray
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is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, Quebec. You can reach him at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Posted 09.01.04
Stanstead, Quebec

ROSS MURRAY

Cartoon character, moi

They say we all have a doppelganger - a twin of sorts out there somewhere. This is convenient if you need someone to blame for going bonkers at the McDonald's drive-thru, not so handy when your twin keeps cashing your paycheques.

It's rare, though, to have a selection of doppelgangers to choose from.

Earlier this year, I was the guest speaker at a supper ("Everything You Wanted to Know About My Feet: The Corn Years"). After I finished my well-received oration and the roadies had cleared away the backstage groupies, two ladies came up to me and said, "Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Doug Gilmour?"

Doug Gilmour? The hockey player? I did have longish hair at the time. You could even describe it as "hockey hair." But to my mind, the resemblance ends there. Here he is: Feel free to compare and contrast. At least he has all his teeth.

This was a new one on me and I wasn't sure how to accept it, having been beaten up by hockey players as a child (okay, actually it was last week; but the hockey player was a child).

I've heard other "You know you look like…" comments through the years. None seem too accurate to me.

Ah yes, the Footloose years. This was before I wore glasses and could still dance without risking heart palpitations, a sprained back, and disgusted looks from young people.

I was able to make some hay with the Kevin Bacon thing for a while back in the Eighties. Then there were those troubling rumours…

The Hugh Grant comparison I get from no less a reliable source than my very own sister and she has a PhD so should know something. Her specialty is cognitive psychology so she can tell you not only that I look like Hugh Grant but also why you perceive me this way.

The resemblance also ties in with the fact that I too stutter in an endearing way and have slept with Elizabeth Hurley. No not really. It was Julia Roberts.

Yeah, Tom Cruise baby! Actually, no. Back in high school, I tried to convince some girls that I looked like Tom Cruise but they didn't buy it.

I also tried to give myself the nickname "Killer" but like tickling yourself and trying to figure out what your house smells like to other people, you just can't do it.

Nah, I never understood the Brian Adams comparison either. Actually, it's just one person who has ever thought this. She always says, "Hi Brian Adams." I say hello back. I'm polite that way. Like Brian.

What a proud moment for me when I was compared to an animated character. I don't get this one at all. Milo from Atlantis is a skinny geek with ridiculously large glasses, he's clumsy and weak, and no one takes him seriously… hey, wait a minute!

This one I think is right on the money. Like Gumby, I'm your twisty, bendy friend.

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