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Ross Murray's Border Report
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Ross Murray
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is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, Quebec. You can reach him at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Posted 09.07.10
Stanstead, Quebec

ROSS MURRAY

Honour? Barely knew her

Following the recent Rally for Nothing Too Specific in Washington, DC, I've decided to emulate celebrity demagogue Glenn Beck by organizing my own rally. I'm calling it "Honourgeddon."

I plan to hold this rally at some emotionally charged site whose mystique I can capitalize on without actually having any genuine connection, something that speaks to past greatness and contemporary loss. I'm thinking the former site of Bens Deli in Montreal.

What is this rally about, you ask? (Or at least you should be asking if you're an intelligent person like me with vague misdirected anger, mainly triggered by all the disappointments in your life that are clearly everybody else's fault.) It's about taking back our country. Who has the country? We don't know, but we want it back. And it better be in the same condition as when they took it or there's going to be trouble.

It's time for us to restore honour in this country -- restore honour and furniture. Because the morals and the ottomans of this country are in tatters.

Look at the smut on television. Just look at it. I for one am sick and tired of turning on my TV and watching smut for three to four hours a night.

Look, too, at all the people demanding handouts and welfare and decent education and basic medical care. Their loud demands are impinging upon my right to enjoy a life of privilege unperturbed. Why can't they just suffer in silence or in state-run facilities like they used to?

We need to go back to simpler times, back to when people worshiped God, and by God I mean the Christian God, which is, after all, the only real God. Not that there's anything wrong with those other gods. I'm just saying I wouldn't want my daughter worshipping one of those gods, if you know what I mean.

Unfortunately, our country has drifted away from God. That's why we need to teach Christianity in our schools, because heaven knows we're doing a terrible job at home. Why, just the other day, my nine-year-old saw a cross and said to me, "That's where God got hooked up."

When a child says something like that, the system has surely failed.

The elites and the politicians think that they know what's best for us and that they can legislate us and tax us and come over to our houses uninvited and put their feet up on the furniture and eat all the good stuff out of the bag of Bits 'n' Bites, leaving only the pretzels behind. But what they don't know is that there's a grass-roots movement sweeping this country. We call ourselves the Cocktail Party. Our members are fervent, vocal, and a wee bit tipsy.

What are the Cocktail Partiers saying?

They're saying that they are unhappy with how things are in a way they can't quite articulate until blowhard television commentators tell it like it is. They're saying they want to go back to the days when they didn't even know what a mosque was let alone have to live in the same neighbourhood as one (not that they really know now, because to fully understand a mosque you'd actually have to, you know, talk to a mosquevite, and that's just plain dangerous).

They're saying they're tired of being made to feel they have to pretend to be tolerant. They're saying they're uncomfortable with the word "Rangoon."

Honourgeddon is for these people, people who love their country and gathering in large homogenous groups and wearing T-shirts with inflammatory political slogans on them and beseeching, invoking and fuming self-righteously. Together, we shall face this great moment, a moment when we reclaim the silly rights movement.

This isn't a political event. It isn't religious. It's poligious!

Simple times, simple values, yes, that's what we need. So if you're a simple person, I'll see you at Honourgedden.

Ross Murray's collection, "You're Not Going to Eat That, Are You"?, is available in Quebec at area book stores and on-line at www.townships.ca. Ross can be reached at ross_murray@sympatico.ca.

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