DEC
2018
   LOG CABIN CHRONICLES    UPDATED
DAILY

Ross Murray's Border Report
headshot
Ross Murray
spacer
is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, Quebec. You can reach him at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Posted 09.06.16
Stanstead, Quebec

ROSS MURRAY

This is your fight song

If we learned one thing from the recent Summer Olympics, it's that trampoline is a freaky thing to dedicate your young life to (Born to Bounce: The Rosie MacLennan Story). If we learned two things, it's that there's nothing quite like a stirring anthem to cement your jingoistic ties to the abstract notion of nationhood. Or nation of notionhood. Whatever.

With classes beginning this week, it seems a shame that many schools no longer have fight songs to rev up the bloodlust against other schools differentiated only by their postal code. There's nothing quite like teenagers singing in unison as they call for the metaphorical death of their peers to make one feel pride in the ol' school colours.

Maybe it's because the nature of high schools has changed. It's no longer about winning the big game. It's about being sensitive to the times we live in.

And with that long introduction that really had nothing to do with the Olympics at all, I bring you some contemporary high school fight songs.

Fight Song for Schools with Racially Insensitive Team Names

We are the Indians
Though most of us are white
We come here not to cause offence but
Fight, fight, fight!
Our team name is an homage
To the spirit of First Nations
Their pride we share, their strength, their heart
We have no reservations

Chorus

So fight, Indians, fight!
Letting winning be your mission
So fight, Indians, fight!
Though you cannot fight tradition

Yes, play on, you Indians
Our enemies can't smite us
Nor can angry pressure groups
Despite how much they write us
We'll cheer and chant respectfully
For every hit and pass caught
But please don't make us justify
Our slightly racist mascot

(Repeat chorus)

Fight Song for Schools Whose Athletics Have Been Decimated by Budget Cuts
(To the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic")

Oh, they took away our soccer team
They took away football
Yes, they took away our hoops, our pucks
They took away them all
Still they left us with one athlete
Who will heed the victor's call
His cleats go marching on!

Glory, Glory, Howard Schula
Glory, Glory, Howard Schula
Glory, Glory, Howard Schula He's all we can afford!

He's the tight end for the football team
He's quarterbacking too
He's a point guard and a forward
And he does what goalies do
If he lives through solo rugby
Then he'll play next season too
His cleats go marching on!

(Repeat chorus)

Fight Song for Schools with a Perennial Losing Record

Go Black, go Green, go Burgundy
The team we gather here to loudly cheer
Play on, play on, though certainly
The time for you to win is nowhere near

For we love thee-e-e-e
Lacklustre Puma-a-a-a-s
Fight on, oh team that we adore
Yes, we know you-u-u-u-u
Can't muster too mu-u-u-uch
But fear not -- 'cause they stopped keeping score

Fight Song for Schools Preoccupied with Concussions

Hit them! (But not too hard)
Hit them! (And wear your mouth guard)
Romp 'em, stomp 'em, chomp 'em gently so
Crush them! (And then disperse)
Rush them! (To see the nurse
And tell their lawyers that we made them go)

For we are the Warriors
The lawsuit-fearing Warriors
With pride and caution we'll bring home the Cup
Yes, we are the Warriors
The mighty careful Warriors
How many fingers am I holding up?

HOME   COLUMNS   FEATURES   FICTION   OPINION   POETRY   PHOTOGRAPHY