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Ross Murray's Border Report |
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Posted 02.27.09 Stanstead, Quebec
Stock Losers 2009
"The musical is back!" brayed Hugh Jackman at Sunday's Academy Awards. And not a moment too soon.
You may recall that during the Dirty Thirties, when the population was out of work, and prospects looked bleak, and global conflict appeared imminent, people turned to Hollywood musicals for relief: Anything Goes, The Gay Divorcé, Gold Diggers of 1935...
So here we are in the - what? the Numb Millennium? the Tawdry Two-Thousands? the End Times? The population is out of work, and prospects look bleak, and global warming appears imminent.
To help lighten the mood, ladies and gentlemen, I present you scenes from the upcoming musical, Stock Losers of 2009...
Scene 1: Opening number
A bustling city sidewalk. Up-tempo music, pedestrians sing:
We're all out of work
[Spoken]
Our investments in the tanker
Scene 2: Comedy bit
Location: Climate change conference, dialogue between delegate A and B
A: Boy, it's hot.
Scene 3: Dance of the energy analysts
Oil!
We based our whole society on endless supplies
Oil!
Scene 4: Back on the street
A: "Hey, down-on-your luck autoworker, why are you sitting there grinning? Don't you know that the auto industry is in terrible shape and likely to contribute to our economic demise?"
Obama-a-a-a
We've placed all our hopes in this virile new president
Bail ou-u-u-ts
Who cares that Obama has zero experience
Obama-a-a-a, Obama-a-a-a
Finale
Onto the street walks none other than President Obama himself!
"This great country was built on hard work. We must struggle to right wrongs. We must look to the future. But most of all, we need someone to take the fall."
[Slow crooning]
It's not 'cause our phone chats they boldly recorded.
[Chorus of federal lawyers join Obama in jaunty dance number]
We sorta liked ya, Dubya. Hey, you seemed a little zany
We're gonna pross- pross- prosecute for |
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