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Ross Murray's Border Report
Ross Murray
Ross Murray
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is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, Quebec. You can reach him at ross_murray@sympatico.ca
Posted 01.24.05
Stanstead, Quebec

ROSS MURRAY

What if youth ran politics?

In last year's federal election, only 38 percent of 18-30-year-olds bothered to vote in Canada.

That's up from 25 percent in the previous election but still pretty abysmal. Just think how much better some parties would fare with a stronger turnout of 21-year-olds?

OK, the Green and the Marijuana parties would do better but that's not the point. The point is, how do you reach these young people?

The answer: get them hooked before they can vote. Bombard them with the same overwhelming pre-teen marketing that convinces 12-year-old girls that anyone on the Disney Channel is sure to be a fantastic singer. The best venue for this is through those teeny-bopper magazines that clog the newsstand. And so, I introduce you to:

MmmmmP! Magazine

What's HOT on the Hill for Teens

In this issue:

>>>Why Stephen Harper can't find love

>>>Are you a cheapskate or a shrewd financial planner? Fiscal fun with Ralph Goodale

>>>Sheila Fraser's sob session: "I hate being the bitch!"

>>>Judy Sgro's shocking confession: "Strippers? I thought they were making slippers!"

>>>A MmmmmP! exclusive: A sneak peek at Bill C-132, the long-awaited sequel to Bill C-131!

>>>Adrienne Clarkson's fashion hits and misses. And guess how much she you paid!

>>>Stéphane Dion fesses up about lip-syncing during Question Period

What's HOTtawa?

Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe responded to his critics at the recent Hull premiere of his autobiographical documentary Does It LOOK Like I'm Having Fun?

"I am totally not a diva," said Gilles. "I am just a regular person who puts his pants on one leg at a time so I can destroy this humiliation of the québécois collectivity that is the Confederation of Canada."

Gilles was reacting to tabloid reports that he blew up at his caucus because there were too many apostrophes in his committee report entitled "The 2004 Throne Speech: An Overreaction."

"Yes, I got 'angry' in caucus but I was just doing my Bernard Landry impression," chuckled Gilles, who is trying to change his rigid image by writing the introduction to The Collected Humour of the Office de la Langue Fran&ccedi;aise.

Legislatin' across the nation!

MPs wanna party all the time! BC's Liberal backbenchers introduced a private members bill last month to amend the Charter of Rights and Freedoms to include "The right to get jiggy with it."

Are Commons' "sexiest" pair serious?

Conservative heartthrob Peter MacKay and Bloc babe Caroline St. Hilaire voted the sexiest MPs in the House of Commons have laughed off the annual survey results but aren't laughing about being linked romantically.

Press attachés for both hotties denied rumours that the two were caught canoodling in the Peace Tower. But an inside source told MmmmmP! that the two were seen making googly eyes at each other during a budget debate.

Paul Martin: "I've got feelings too"

On what it's like stepping into a former PM's shoes: "Sometimes, I feel like Harry Morgan after McLean Stevenson left 'M.A.S.H.' Uh, that was an old television show. Kind of like 'The O.C.' except involving a United Nations police action."

On meeting George W. Bush: "I said, 'Pleased to meet you, Mr. President' and he said, 'Call me Dubya' and I was like, wow, he is way cool. Then he said, 'Nice little democracy you got,' which was awesome. He even gave me a nickname: 'Pool Boy.' I'm not sure what that means but it's pretty neat."

What makes a girl a hottie: "Milky white shoulders, penetrating eyes, and knowing a T2124 tax form from a T2032."

Cool/Not Cool

Cool: Getting to third reading of your private member's bill.

Not cool: Getting to third base in the Red Chamber.

Cool: Heckling another MP during Question Period.

Not cool: Stealing another MP's boyfriend during the Annual Caucus Mixer.

Cool: Tsunami disaster relief.

Not cool: Stephen Harper's disaster of a haircut.

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