| Ricky Blue's Other Life |
 Ricky Blue  Ricky Blue was born in Liverpool, England, but raised in Maine, New Jersey, and Toronto. He has an MA in English from Concordia University. He has been involved in bands and media music in Montreal for over twenty years. In 1981 he won an international 'Clio' award for excellence in advertising. He once appeared on television naked. His life had no real meaning, however, until he began to play with Bowser and Blue. Rick plays guitar, mandolin, and harmonica, and sings in a rather pleasant baritone when George will let him. His columns are archived here |
Posted 10.14.04 Hey, we don't live here for the politics
A recent column I wrote on the US election prompted a letter from an American living here on the West Island. I say: Welcome! And I promise not to mention 1812.
As we all know, Americans move to Canada for three reasons: (1) higher taxes (2) lower pay and (3) the winter.
They certainly don't move here to make more money. But then no one has to worry about making money in Canada because the government won't let you keep it anyway.
What does our government do with all our taxes? They don't spend it on the military like the American government. When Canada makes demands to rogue nations in the world, they just laugh at us and say: You and what army?
But we Canadians love to pay tax. In fact our Conservative Party leader, who should have won the last election because the governing Liberal party was caught misspending 100 million tax dollars, lost it because he was crazy enough to promise that he would cut taxes.
This un-Canadian promise sent our media into frenzy and he was accused of being -- I kid you not -- American. And as you know Canadians could never elect an American prime minister. Although it is a good premise for a TV sit-com.
To many Canadians, calling someone "an American" is an insult.
It means: "insensitive," "boorish" and "liable to invade foreign countries without warning."
Although I'm sure that to an American, calling someone "Canadian" probably means: "loves to pay taxes," "has no army" and "an economic girlie-man."
So, in the election we did the Canadian thing. We voted the Liberals back in and have begun to blow another 100 million dollars on an inquiry to find out where the first 100 million went.
Our cousin from the south (cute, eh? Canadians refer to any place below Plattsburgh as "The South") also asked me to explain Quebec politics.
Well, no one can really explain Quebec politics. It is a swamp of endless contradictions; sort of like John Kerry.
We don't live in Quebec for the politics, anyway.
We live here in spite of the politics. It is a beautiful province with culture, cuisine, and friendly, civilized people. The only thing we lack is a summer.
If Quebec were Florida it would truly be perfect.
Bad example?
Actually Quebec is quite like Florida. Florida is also a beautiful place to live, even knowing that periodically you'll be nailing plywood over your windows because Hurricane Bubba is churning straight for your house. There is a price to be paid for living anywhere. Florida gets hurricanes; Quebec gets separatist politics.
And a Quebec referendum and a hurricane are quite alike: both periodic blasts of hot air, both make you feel like your whole country is about to blow away, kicking the stuffing out of real estate, and forcing people to flee.
By the way, did anyone else notice during the CBC coverage of Hurricane Jeanne even the winds of 100 miles an hour were still not strong enough to disturb Canadian reporter David Halton's comb over? What's he using - crazy glue?
But I digress. Dear American friend, think of Canada as what America would be like if Americans were all Democrats. And think of Quebec as what America would be like if it did take its orders from Paris.
I hope this column has answered all your questions. |
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