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Rick Blue's Other Life
Ricky Blue
Rick Blue
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is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer. He and partner George Bowser are the famous Bowser and Blue comedy act. Here's his bio from their Bowser and Blue website.

Rick Blue was born in Liverpool, England, but raised in Maine, New Jersey, and Toronto. He has an MA in English from Concordia University. He has been involved in bands and media music in Montreal for over twenty years. In 1981 he won an international 'Clio' award for excellence in advertising.

He once appeared on television naked.

His life had no real meaning, however, until he began to play with Bowser and Blue. Rick plays guitar, mandolin, and harmonica, and sings in a rather pleasant baritone when George will let him.

He is also a columnist for Montreal's outstanding West Island Gazette..

His LCC columns are archived here

Posted 09.29.14

RICK BLUE

Call me Mr. Polyester

MONTREAL | When I was younger, polyester was a joke. It was what old people wore. Polyester leisure suits were practical because they could be thrown in a washing machine and spring back with no ironing necessary. And old people tend to be practical.

I mean, whom do they have to impress? And no matter what they do they will never be considered "cool."

But now I am older and wiser. And I have discovered the new polyester. It is sold by a company named Columbia. Their style is not leisure suits but outdoor wear. Rugged shirts and pants with pockets all made of polyester. Lightweight and durable. To tell you the truth at first I just liked the look. I didn't even know it was polyester.

I discovered them at an outlet in North Conway on my last annual summer trip to Maine. The price was reasonable. And there was no tax. So I bought a few shirts.

So now I am that old guy wearing polyester.

But I am very happy with them. I can roll the shirts up into my carry-on luggage and they will survive the trip without creasing. Certainly not as badly as my regular shirts. They are perfect for the road. Or, indeed, the air.

But here's the real point of my story. I was sitting at a table at The Keg in Moncton, New Brunswick during a tour, and I had ordered escargots. Being The Keg, they also had to have mushroom caps in the melted garlic butter with the snails. Like a nice plate of escargots in garlic butter is not enough. So I pushed down on a mushroom cap with my fork to get at the escargot and...squish! A stream of melted butter squirted right up at me and hit me in the middle of my chest.

Right on my new shirt.

My companions laughed at the stunt. And it certainly seemed like one. I couldn't have planned it to be any funnier. It was as if I had set the whole thing up.

But I was mortified. I had ruined my new shirt. I quickly mopped it with my napkin. But then I realized that doing so can actually cause more damage. So I thought I might need salt, or fizzy water, you know, the thing you do when you spill wine on a rug.

So I got up and went to the men’s room. I wanted to see the damage. I continued to mop myself as I walked through the restaurant.

When I got to the mirror I looked for the stain. And -- wait for it -- nothing!

There was no stain or discoloration of any kind. I looked where I knew it hit me -- I had felt the heat of the butter. But there was nothing. My shirt had gobbled it up as if by magic. I was truly amazed. And when I returned to my table everyone there was also stunned. Where there was a huge stain of melted grease a few minutes ago there was now a clean shirt.

I am not a religious man so I did not know whom to thank. We Googled "polyester." Apparently I have to thank the oil companies.

You see, polyester is a petroleum byproduct.

To read Rick Blue's complete column on the West Island Gazette, click here Rick Blue blog on West Island Gazette
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