RICKY BLUE

A breast full of dollars

The all-new Conservative Party of Canada will have a leadership convention March 19 to 21. Here's a suggestion to liven it up. Hire MTV to produce it.

It worked for the Super Bowl. Reports said that Janet Jackson was wearing a "nipple ornament." I thought a nipple was a breast ornament. It was also referred to as a "nipple shield." That sounds like a condom for lesbians.

It was defended simply as a "wardrobe malfunction." In Canada, that would be an accurate description of Don Cherry. But I won't knock the coach. I enjoy his politically incorrect point of view. Anyone who takes him seriously should know better.

Speaking of those who should know better, at the same time the Parti Québ&ecute;cois were having their national council of the Nation of Nationalists. Yes, they are going to do it again in 2008. Just when property values were starting to rise!

Nineteen soldiers in the Van Dooz didn't even notice. They were not allowed to go to Afghanistan because of what they were smoking. But perhaps because of what they were smoking, they already were in Afghanistan, man.

All this excitement is what is usually lacking in Ottawa but not last week. Thanks to the auditor-general we found out that our government is not paid by productivity - their friends pay them. It's not the principle of the thing - it's the money. Where's it all going?

Our own homegrown scandal eclipsed Janet's breast. A new Canadian scandal was swirling around an enormous Liberal party breast that had been exposed - along with all the Quebec Liberal friends who happily suckle on it.

The American breast may have been made of silicone but the Canadian breast was full of tax dollars.

According to the Fraser Institute, tax freedom day in Canada is June 27. That is the day each year that the average Canadian starts earning money for him or herself. The previous half year has been spent working for our three levels of government.

Think about it -- half of our lives are spent earning money for our governments.

A couple of weeks ago the Governor General rhapsodized about "Canadian values" in her throne speech. Apparently, value for our money is not one of them.

There is only one way that our spending would truly reflect our values: if the Canadians who actually earned the money did the spending. Only then would we really find out what "Canadian values" really are.

I believe Paul Martin when he says he didn't know about the scandal. Our governments have so much money they cannot keep track of it. But if you had $250 million you didn't know about, wouldn't that be nature's way of telling you that you had too much? We have to cut down on the money they get, if only for their own good.

And the good of the economy. It is smothered by tax. Just try to survive in what they call 'the private sector' (what used to be called 'real life'). Even the shipping company owned by our prime minister's family couldn't compete without being registered off shore.

As this week began, a new survey showed that of all professions, Canadians trust politicians the least.

Canadians: "I don't trust you."

Politicians: "Then give us half your money."

Canadians: "I don't see why not."

Duh! Janet Jackson's little C-cup scandal pales in comparison.