Log Cabin Chronicles

Hell's Elongated Bells
(Fiction in progress)

DAVID SHATH SQUARE

Chapter Forty

Suddenly I was filled with rage at my father. It welled up inside, spilling out of me like blood from a burst wound.

"You nancy-boy. You coward! Where do you get off making a decision for me and Thoreena when you couldn't even be with your own wife? You really are a Judas. A betrayer of the people who love you. Do you think you can make up for the past by taking control of my life when you couldn't manage your own?"

"Hardy, I'm not trying to control you. I'm just doing what I think is best for you. I don't want you to make the same mistake I did with your mother."

"You didn't stand by her. Why should you stand by me?"

"Because I love you. And I loved your mother more than you'll ever know."

"I've heard that line about mother so often I think I'm going to puke. How could you have loved her if you didn't have the guts to be at her deathbed?"

My father slapped me hard across the face.

"Shut up, Hardy! No one but Myron really knows what happened between your mother and me. But now I'm going to tell you because I'm tired of all the gossip and innuendo concerning us.

"I've never told anyone this because I was ashamed of my inability to save her. I lied to her and I failed her. I promised her that she wouldn't die, even though the best doctors said otherwise. I told her I would find a cure for her disease...I was such a young fool that I even had the hubris to believe myself."

My father sat down cross-legged on the floor, placed a hand on his forehead.

"Myron and I spent months pouring over medical books and research papers in the library in Winnipeg. We copied the most promising material by hand to bring back to the Pointe for further study at Myron's.

My father stopped to look about the room. My grandfather and Lee Chang listened in stunned silence.

"For an entire year, I watched your mother slowly waste away...her eyes were always so full of hope. She believed in me right to the end. I think that enduring hope in her eyes was the worst part of it. She never doubted me, right to the end, she never doubted me!

"A week before she passed away I stopped going to her room altogether. I couldn't face her eyes. It would have been easier for me if they were full of accusation, not hope. I couldn't bring myself to admit to those ever hopeful eyes that I had failed, that I had not fulfilled my promise.

"I know now that leaving her to die alone was the biggest mistake of my life. But I was young and crushed by my failure and broken by the loss of my beloved wife.

"Tell me there is forgiveness in heaven? Because I'll never forgive myself."

My father stood up.

"I know I was strict with you, son. I know I pushed you hard with your studies, probably I pushed too hard. But I didn't want to fail you as I had failed your mother. I guess I used you to prove that I wasn't the miserable failure I felt myself to be."

He handed me the syringe and the two vials of medicine.

He said, "You're old enough to make your own decisions. I can see you've grown into a fine young man. Just remember I will always love you deeply."

He was crying as he left the cabin.

To Chapter Forty-one
To Chapter Thirty-nine
To Chapter Thirty-eight
To Chapter Thirty-seven
To Chapter Thirty-six
To Chapter Thirty-five
To Chapter Thirty-four
To Chapter Thirty-three
To Chapter Thirty-two
To Chapter Thirty-one
To Chapter Thirty
To Chapter Twenty-nine
To Chapter Twenty-eight
To Chapter Twenty-seven
To Chapter Twenty-six
To Chapter Twenty-five
To Chapter Twenty-four
To Chapter Twenty-three
To Chapter Twenty-two
To Chapter Twenty-one
To Chapter Twenty
To Chapter Nineteen
To Chapter Eighteen
To Chapter Seventeen
To Chapter Sixteen
To Chapter Fifteen
To Chapter Fourteen
To Chapter Thirteen
To Chapter Twelve
To Chapter Eleven
To Chapter Ten
To Chapter Nine
To Chapter Eight
To Chapter Seven
To Chapter Six
To Chapter Five
To Chapter Four
To Chapter Three
To Chapter Two
To Chapter One