Tim Belford: Short Takes On Life
Tim Belford
Tim Belford
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Tim Belford is host of Quebec A.M. -- CBC Radio's popular English- language morning show (91.7 FM, 6-9, Mon.-Fri). He also is said to know a thing or three about wine.

Posted 04.29.04
Quebec City


Dire warnings from Mom

My mother is the Cassandra of our family.

I say that for two reasons. She can see into the future and what she sees is never good.

Growing up, her favorite warnings were "Talk's cheap" and "You'll be sorry."

She was also keen on "What goes around comes around," and "You think it hurts now!"

Well, and I can say this in complete confidence because she'll never find out, she was right.

You see, in my youth I played everything. . . soccer, rugby, lacrosse, tennis, hockey -- you name it and I had a ball or stick to match.

I also had a suitable injury for every sport.

And each time I walked, hobbled, or was wheeled home she was there with "You'll be sorry."

Admittedly, unlike Cassandra, she had a live-in advantage - my father.

He was sort of the resident case study.

By the time I was growing up he already had bursitis, osteoarthritis, a bad neck, and a trick ankle he could sprain while standing perfectly still.

Despite the obvious, I knew in my heart it wouldn't happen to me.

Well actually, I didn't know. As a matter of fact, like all young people, I never gave it a moments thought.

Until recently.

I found myself regaling the Love of My Life with a demonstration of a rather witty television commercial I had seen recently.

To make a long story short, in the ad a young man saves the life of a small dog which has fallen from the fourth floor of an apartment building.

He does it by making a soccer goalie-like dive.

The problem is, when the crowd cheers, he forgets what he's doing and leaps to his feet and proceeds to do what any keeper would do after the save.

He jumps up and drop kicks the ball, or in this case the puppy, down the field.

It was at this point in the demonstration I swung my foot in the air in imitation of the goalie and pulled a muscle in my calf.

I could almost hear my mother say, "You'll be sorry" as I hopped to the sofa.

So there it is. I've got tennis elbow, soccer player's knees, a footballer's deviated septum, and now I can add "commercial calf."

Ain't aging fun?