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Tim Belford: Short Takes On Life
Tim Belford
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Tim Belford
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Tim Belford is host of Quebec A.M. -- CBC Radio's popular English- language morning show (91.7 FM, 6-9, Mon.-Fri). He also is said to know a thing or three about wine.

ARCHIVED COLUMNS
Posted 03.10.04
Quebec City

TIM BELFORD

Put the curlers in charge, eh?

I think it's time we put somebody else in charge.

The middle-aged white men in blue suits, striped shirts, and ties that run the world aren't doing such a great job.

And since they and their ilk have had the better part of three hundred years to get it right, it's time for a change.

Some of you are nodding your head in agreement.

That's because you think I mean we should turn the world over to women.

Nothing could be farther from my mind.

Historically speaking, women haven't been much differently inclined when they sat in the saddle.

Remember Bloody Mary? Catherine the Great?

Or, in more recent times there's Margaret Thatcher, Golda Meir, and Indira Gandhi. Three more warlike creatures I cannot imagine.

No, the distaff portion of society won't do either.

I propose to turn the running of the world over to the curlers!

I have no hidden agenda here. Curling to me is nothing more than pub shuffle board without the warmth.

But curlers, they're another breed entirely.

First, they work on consensus.

Sure the Skip makes the ultimate decision. But unlike most politicians, the Skip will consult the rest of the team, particularly his or her Third before a decision is made..

They also - unlike the present Leader of the US - prefer finesse to violence.

A take-out if necessary but not necessarily a take-out, so to speak.

And after each confrontation they sojourn to the bar. Here the winners buy the losers a drink.

I've always thought that a lot of the world's problems could be settled over a nice pint of ale. Besides, curlers know how to comport themselves.

On the ice not even Eddy Weirenick would accuse the opposition of being an axis of evil.

The most vociferous curlers get is when they do that insane yelling . . . "Hurry, hurry, hard!"

They wish each other luck when they start and congratulate each other when they finish.

They don't pollute, they'd never try to take over anyone else's sheet of ice, and they own up when they break the rules.

Nope. Curlers would be ideal rulers.

Which, by the way, would leave Canadians in the driver's seat.

Not entirely a bad idea.

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