Tim Belford: Short Takes On Life
Tim Belford
Tim Belford
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Tim Belford is host of Quebec A.M. -- CBC Radio's popular English- language morning show (91.7 FM, 6-9, Mon.-Fri). He also is said to know a thing or three about wine.

Posted 02.05.04
Quebec City


Half-time ain't what it used to be

What ever happened to baton twirlers?

You know, those cute little kids with the calf-high white boots and the stove-pipe shako hats with the tassels?

The ones who could spin their batons in half a dozen different directions, toss them twenty feet in the air and catch them without missing a twirl.

Where did the marching bands go?

When did half time at a football game become a sleaze fest dedicated to more leather than a Marquis de Sade reunion?

There was a time when good fun at a football game included a rendition of the Star Spangled Banner sung by someone who actually appeared to know the words and appreciate them.

Now we've resorted to singers with names like Ice Berg and Diddy Dumkins who rap the American national anthem like a kindergarten tot playing the blocks.

If Justin Timberlake didn't mean to expose one of Janet Jackson's more prominent appendages during the Super Bowl half-time show, I have two suggestions.

One, Janet should get a seamstress who double stitches her wardrobe.

Or two, Justin get a pedicure so his fingernails don't slice through leather.

Come on! If it's a coincidence that Timbertop sang the lyrics, "going to have you naked by the end of this song" just prior to removing Janet's B-cup, I'll clean the Houston Stadium with the latest issue of the Victoria Secrets catalogue.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm no prude.

If Janet Jackson wants to flaunt what God and a decent plastic surgeon gave her, fine.

But there's a time and a place for everything.

Although I can't think of a time or place for Janet to expose her body or her voice.

Maybe if the organizers spent less time turning half-time into another bad MTV video and more time worrying about the football, Super Bowl VIII wouldn't have been only the second decent match since Broadway Joe took the field.

I hate to think what they'll do for a follow-up if nobody complains.

Maybe Michael Jackson could do a number with the Vienna Boys Choir.

Or maybe the cheerleaders from both squads could mud wrestle while the Welsh national rugby team sings beer hall limericks.

Personally, I hate marching bands but if it vcomes down to a choice between John Philip Sousa and Janet Jackson's right mammary, hand me a tuba.