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Tim Belford: Short Takes On Life
Tim Belford
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Tim Belford
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Tim Belford is host of Quebec A.M. -- CBC Radio's popular English- language morning show (91.7 FM, 6-9, Mon.-Fri). He also is said to know a thing or three about wine.

ARCHIVED COLUMNS
Posted 12.23.02
Quebec City

TIM BELFORD

The leaving of Jean Chretien

Well, this has got to stop.

The opposition doesn't want Jean Chretien any more. Paul Martin and his supporters don't want Jean Chretien any more.

Even some of Chretien's loyalists don't want him any more.

The nation has moved on.

The problem -- as Neil Sedaka once said -- is that breaking up is hard to do.

Now, I know Mr. Chretien wants to do the right thing but let's face it, ending a love affair is always difficult.

So, I thought I'd give him a little help. And where better to go for advice than the Enotalone web site.

It suggests -- Paul Simon to the contrary -- that there are two ways to leave your lover.

First, drop a lot of hints before telling him in person you're leaving him.

Well, this hasn't worked. Short of changing the locks at Sussex Drive while he and Aline are out for a walk, there isn't much more hinting that can be done.

The second method, according to Enotalone, involves treating him to a fancy night out, a quick goodnight kiss and the news it's over as you slam the door in his face.

That's probably out as well unless you can imagine Paul Martin and Jean Chretien getting a lot closer than I can.

Enotalone does provide some handy break up lines for the novice however.

Given the fact we've elected the p'tit gars de Shawinigan as PM three times, maybe this would work.

"I've enjoyed our dates, but not enough to keep going out. I hope you meet someone in the future who's more suited." Mind you, that sounds a little lame since he's been re-elected -- and we've been going out so to speak -- for thirty-five years or so.

And the second part sounds like we're telling him to try provincial politics.

What about another Enotalone suggestion, "I like you and that's why I feel I owe you an explanation.

I won't be calling again, but I hope to bump into you in town sometime. Take care."

Well, do you really want to bump into someone who's likely to whack you with an Eskimo carving?

Enotalone has some follow-up advice if and when we do ditch Jean.

"Most people hesitate to find a new girlfriend/boyfriend after the break-up because they feel guilty inside . . . This is completely natural since you are thinking about him or her."

This shouldn't be a problem for most of Canada since Paul Martin -- the national 'bit on the side' - has been waiting in the wings for the last eight years.

But the best piece of advice that Enotalone has is the following.

"Each person thinks that their own break-up is unique and must have been the most traumatic in all history. The truth of the matter is that breakups always follow the same pattern an somehow, life goes on."

That's why Mr. Chretien is the twentieth prime minister and not the only prime minister.

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