DEC
2019
   LOG CABIN CHRONICLES    UPDATED
DAILY

Tim Belford: Short Takes On Life
Tim Belford
spacer
spacer
Tim Belford
spacer
CBC logo
spacer
Tim Belford is host of Quebec A.M. -- CBC Radio's popular English- language morning show (91.7 FM, 6-9, Mon.-Fri). He also is said to know a thing or three about wine.

ARCHIVED COLUMNS
Posted 01.29.05
Quebec City

TIM BELFORD

Hey lady, what's in a name?

I see a state senator in Washington wants to change the defamation laws.

Apparently it's still illegal in the Great Northwest to call a woman a scurvy wench, a shameless hussy, or a wanton strumpet.

Senator Jeanne Kohl-Welles says it's time the law caught up to the modern world.

Women, she maintains, can stand up to the sticks and stones of everyday 21st century life without the help of the courts.

I agree.

The problem isn't with the law, however, I think the trouble is with the modern American male.

In short, they have no imagination and an increasingly poor knowledge of the English language.

If modern women no longer need to be put on a pedestal and protected by a law that hasn't been used in ages, why don't men go to their dictionaries to knock them off.

If "strumpet" went out with "Gone with the Wind" and "hussy" is a no-no, next time you have a regular barney with your bride, try calling her a "horse leech!"

She won't like it. She won't even know what it means.

But, to anyone versed in 16th century slanging, it's a beauty.

Or imagine if during a senate debate on highway appropriations, one of senator Kohl-Welles' honorable colleagues calls her "Cousin Betty," she's not likely to realize that it was a 19th century way of pointing out she is a half wit.

In retrospect, if, instead of telling Ms Copps to "have some tequila, Sheila," John Crosby had referred to her as a "hot mutton," the Speaker of the House would still be trying to figure out a ruling.

In this day and age, when it's acceptable to call a woman of a certain age on the make a "cougar," try slipping in the term "tigress."

She'll probably be flattered until she finds out it meant a vulgarly, overdressed woman to your great grandfather.

So guys, next time you're out gusseting and looking for a rambler, don't be afraid to be literate.

After all, Senator kohl-Welles says the ladies can take it with the best of them.

HOME   COLUMNS   FEATURES   FICTION   OPINION   POETRY   PHOTOGRAPHY