Ross Murray's Border Report
Ross Murray
is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, Quebec. You can reach him at
Posted 05.25.13
Stanstead, Quebec


Over-40 CraZee Dance Partay

Turn that bass up, yo.
Turn that bass up, yo.
Now turn it down just a little, yo
So I can hear myself think.
That's good. Yeah, baby, right there.
You know what I like,
What with my tinnitus and all.

Tonight we're gonna do it, baby,
Gonna do it tonight,
Gonna file our income taxes
'Cause they're way overdue,
Been putting them off too long,
Gonna get it out of the way, baby
So we can get this night hummin'
Knowin' we got that big fat refund comin'!

[boom-sst! boom-sst! boom-sst!]

And now we're stepping out.
Make it real, make it shout.
The sitter knows what it's all about
We be clubbin', we in Heaven,
At least I think that's the name of the club.
Here's our cell, home by eleven,
Eleven-thirty at the latest.

Cruisin' down the boulevard,
Got the windows rolled down hard.
Tonight we're on the bad side of town,
So roll those windows back up now,
And lock the doors,
Just to be safe.

[dikka-dikka! dikka-dikka! dikka-dikka!]

Tonight we're having
fun, fun, fun,
Like when we were
Young, young, young.
Partyin', partyin', partyin'
All the time, all the time.
Can't remember plenty,
Whole chunks of my twenties.
Ain't got no brain cells left to spare,
Losin' them faster than my hair.
So tonight instead of three funs
Maybe just one.

We stroll into the club,
Everyone turns to see,
Who them fine muthas?
Why, it's the missus and me!
We the bomb, y'all, we the shizzle,
Yo, bouncer man, you wanna
ID me a little?
Relax, bro. It's just a joke.
No, I'm not a cop,
Fo sho, dog, we be dope!

[Eh-ehhh-eh! Eh-ehhh-eh! Eh-ehhh-eh! ]

Let me hear you say "What!"
Let me hear you say "What!"
Let me say it a little louder now
And lean in real close:
"You've got a booger on your nose!"
Ooo, it just got quiet in here all of a sudden.
Sorry, hon.

Shake it, shake it, shake it, mama,
Wooo! Work it, work it, honey!
That post-baby jelly-belly
Gonna drive the young boys crazy!
Somebody call the zoo
'Cause there's a cougar on the loose!
No, baby, that's a compliment.
Aw, don't start now, you know what I meant.

[Boom-boooo-bip! Boom-boooo-bip!]

Sweat, feel the heat,
Feel the rhythm, feel the beat.
Bodies movin' on the dance floor,
Getting' hot, wantin' more.
Movin' sexy, oooo, them curves!
I swear to God, baby,
I wasn't looking at her.

Your kickin' off your shoes
Cuz your arches, they be killin'.
Got my dancin' shoes on
Cuz if I take 'em off
I'm afraid my feet be smellin',
It's been getting worse and worse.

[Deedee-de-deedoo! Deedee-de-deedoo!]

Hey, Mr. DJ, turn that music up louder,
Especially if you play us some classic Bob Seger.
I dance like Super Fly.
Bald and sexy like that Bullpit fellow.
Got moves like Jagger.
I'm smooth like Bublé.
All the kids be pointin' and grinnin', yo,
Cause they be jealous of me.

So baby, baby, baby, you know I can't believe
How much they charge for a beer in this place.
Never gonna forget how sweet tonight is,
But now we gotta go because of my bursitis.
Gonna take you home for some sweet, sweet lovin',
Unless, of course, you fall asleep in the car

Ross Murray's collection, You're Not Going to Eat That, Are You?, is available in Quebec in area book stores and through He can be reached at