Ross Murray's Border Report
Ross Murray
is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, Quebec. You can reach him at
Posted 12.21.16
Stanstead, Quebec


The Donald Does Christmas

1 AD @realBethlehemTrump
Just read Old Testament. Not good. God did a very bad job. All smiting and pestilence, zero job creation. New Testament will be unbelievably world-class, trust me.

Congratulations @HolyMary on fantastic birth. Wonderful woman, real spirit, and totally a virgin. Shows what scientists know about reproduction. Way off base. Sad.

Just learned no room at inn for Son of God. Unacceptable. Filled with legit descendants of David? Very doubtful. Many illegals. Muslims. Show us birth certificates!

Announcing plans today to build new Trump Inn City of David. Going to blow all other inns out of the water. Super high security. Spa. #MakeBethlehemGreatAgain

Also abolishing gov census. Invasion of privacy, waste of taxes. Get gov out of counting. Privatize census, we know counting like nobody's business.

Sending out some wise men to meet @JesusChrist. These men are the wisest, believe me. Top choices, recommended by @KingHerod, who I know very well.

Wise men travelling very afar and bearing gifts from me personally for @JesusChrist. You would not believe these gifts: gold, frankincense, steaks. Proud moment.

Scientists claim stars don't move. Wrong! The concept of fixed constellations was created by and for the Romans in order to make Judean prophesying non-competitive.

Reports that @JesusChrist stable swarming with shepherds. Terrible security. Sent there by left-wing angels, no question. Something should be done to get shepherds out of there.

Hesitating Herod telling crooked media he's the one who sent out wise men. King of the liars. Pathetic. Not a real leader.

Stable violence unfortunate but obviously agitated by pro-angel shepherdists to disrupt glory of God and make us look bad. Such horrible angels. They'll do anything.

Shocking news that @HatefulHerod was planning to kill @JesusChrist. Have never met this man, but he is very bad. Would not call him a Christian.

Just read Gospel According to @LyingLuke. So biased. No mention of me whatsoever. Horrible, very dishonest. All my idea. No more interviews with disciples/apostles.

  336 AD @lateRomanTrump

Christmas is December 25. Always was December 25. Winter solstice never was a thing. Completely fake. Made up by pagans, who are not a bright people, believe me.

Everyone knows the pagans crucified @JesusChrist. We're going to build a wall around Christmas and make the pagans pay for it. &@35;MakeChristmasGreatForTheFirstTime

I have amazing original ideas for Christmas traditions: evergreens, revels, fire. There's holly. Gifts from mystical creature? Steaks? Stay tuned! &@35;notsolstice

1840 AD @realVictorianTrump

Improving Christmas is going to be job one. We've had centuries of lame Christmases, zero innovation, terrible economic numbers, only for elites. Change coming!

Huge news! Thrilled to nominate @RealSantaClaus as Secretary of Toys. Centralizing toy distribution will reduce economic burden on working class parents.

Move on, crooked media! Everyone knew Trump Industries had investments in North Pole. All elves are documented workers with full health & candycane benefits. Biased.

Terrible people who question truth of flying reindeer & one-night toy delivery are enemies of Christmas. They must hate children. Shouldn't be allowed to speak.

Millions of people are tweeting pictures of half-eaten cookies and finished glasses of milk this morning! Very nice! Skeptics look like fools. Apologize!

Crooked media reports that @RealSantaClaus infringing on privacy regarding good/bad, spying on sleepers. Totally unprofessional. Unfair. Media is on the naughty list.

<2016 AD @realChristmasTrump

We won the war on Christmas. Get over it. Let's join in the spirit of the season and sing "Last Christmas" by my good friends Wham! Buy Trump steaks.