Ross Murray's Border Report
Ross Murray
is a freelance writer living in Stanstead, Quebec. You can reach him at
Posted 01.03.10
Stanstead, Quebec


First, close your eyes and visualize

When I'm not writing scintillating newspaper columns or working at the Novelty Song Preservation Society, I am a part-time motivational speaker. Through my inspiring words, musical numbers, and an awesome PowerPoint presentation, I help people become more goal-oriented, positive and motivated -- or as I like to say, "MEtivated."

With the new decade upon us, I bet we all could use a little inspiration to make those changes in our lives that we mentioned in a loud slurring voice to no one in particular at the New Year's Eve party just before passing out under the pile of coats.

Now, it won't be the same as my live appearances (regularly attended by tens if not dozens of people), but allow me to coax you into a bright future through my stimulating ideas plus a liberal sprinkling of CAPITAL LETTERS and EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!

First of all, I want you to close your eyes. (You may want to have a friend read this next part to you.) Now visualize your goal.

Is your goal to write a novel? Then visualize yourself at your desk pounding out the words. Stop checking Facebook! Get back to work! Now visualize the finished book. Look: there's your photo on the dust jacket. Why on earth did you choose such a dorky photo? No matter. Your book is complete and headed to remainder bins across the country.

Wasn't that easy? YES, IT WAS!!!

Let's try another. Close your eyes again. (Hopefully your friend hasn't left.) This time I want you to visualize a pile of money. We'll call this The Money Pile(tm). Next, I want you to picture yourself reaching into The Money Pile(tm) to help achieve your goal, because, let's face it, you're not exactly bringing home the bacon sitting there writing, are you? Do NOT under any circumstances visualize bacon!

Now that you've visualized your goal and found a way to pay for it, it's time for you to act. It's time to transform yourself from a dreamer to A Person Who Does Things(tm). This transformation can be achieved through three steps:

    1. Identify your Blockers.

    2. Capture your Blockers.

    3. Incarcerate your Blockers in a detention facility at an undisclosed foreign location.

Step 1 is the easiest of the steps. Your friends, family, and co-workers will be only too pleased to point out your flaws. Despite this, some people find this step painful. But remember: YOU CAN'T SPELL "PIANO" WITHOUT "PAIN."

Now that your Blockers are out of the way, there is nothing to stop you from achieving your goal. Nothing, that is, except outside negative influences. Let's call these outside influences Stoppers. It's important to Stop the Stoppers Before They Stop You! But how do you become a Stopper stopper? It's very simple; you just look a Stopper in the eye and yell, "STOP!!!!!" That will pull the plug on that Stopper. You are now free to go.

Normally, at this point in my live presentation, I'll ask a member of the audience to join me on stage to sing a song. I can't come into your homes (because of the restraining orders) so I encourage you to stand up and sing the following out loud. Uh-one, uh-two, uh-three...

    A friendly veggie is the beet
    Its bitter leaves and root so sweet
    So humble yet it makes great borscht
    That's why we love beets the morscht
You can find this and other food-related inspirational verses in my book, Chicken Stew for the Psyche, available now from a box in my basement.

I'm afraid my presentation won't have the same effect without the fireworks and my visual display on the importance of proper dental hygiene, but I hope it inspires you to seek out your inner WOW-NESS. And remember: only you can put the YES in SUCCYESS!