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Ricky Blue's Other Life
Ricky Blue
Ricky Blue
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is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer. He and partner George Bowser are the famous Bowser and Blue comedy act. Here's his bio from their Bowser and Blue website.

Ricky Blue was born in Liverpool, England, but raised in Maine, New Jersey, and Toronto. He has an MA in English from Concordia University. He has been involved in bands and media music in Montreal for over twenty years. In 1981 he won an international 'Clio' award for excellence in advertising.

He once appeared on television naked.

His life had no real meaning, however, until he began to play with Bowser and Blue. Rick plays guitar, mandolin, and harmonica, and sings in a rather pleasant baritone when George will let him.

He is also a columnist for Montreal's outstanding weekly The Suburban.

His LCC columns are archived here

Posted 12.21.06

RICKY BLUE

A 21st century Christmas

MONTREAL | Looks like it will be a white Christmas. Are you enjoying all the snow? Environment Canada is predicting that this will be the coldest winter in 15 years.

In other news, Stéphane Dion is promising that the Liberal party of Canada will push for a general election sometime in February.

The main issue he will be running on is the need to stop global warming.

Timing, Stéphane, timing! His chances are dissolving faster than a polar icecap in a David Suzuki documentary. Elections should be held on Christmas Day. That way, if we donÕt like whom we elect, we could exchange them.

It is a 21st century Christmas, and there are pontoons underneath SantaÕs sleigh. He needs them to land at the North Pole, now that the ice is all melting away.

It is a 21st century Christmas and the climate is changing so fast. Apparently for centuries reindeer have been emitting "evergreen-house gas".

It is a 21st century Christmas and so the list of bad children is waived. Because now that "good" and "bad" no longer exist, unruly children are just called "differently behaved."

It is a 21st century Christmas, and all the girls and boys will soon be opening up their presents and "deconstructing" their toys. (And some lucky little boy will get a nice toy AK-47 wrapped in paper that says: "Peace on Earth.")

I am going to give my son an educational toy to help teach him about life -- no matter how you put it together, it will be wrong. I also bought him a book.

I am sure he will spend the next two days looking for where the batteries go. He thinks that at Christmas we celebrate the birth of Duracell.

It is a 21st century Christmas and I have heard that Santa is having a very hard time.

His deliveries are all screwed up because his website was hacked.

Insiders say that the jolly old elf is not taking any of this too well. Complainers are simply told: "Go to Amazon, click on ÔWhereÕs my stuff?Õ"

It is a 21st century Christmas, and I wonÕt be sending cards anymore. Why spend all that money on stamps? ThatÕs what e-mail is for.

It is a 21st century Christmas so most traditions are falling by the wayside.

No one is allowed to get drunk and obnoxious any more, so office parties are out.

It is a 21st century Christmas and Quebec teachers will give up a cheer because Santa Claus is their ultimate role model, he only works one day a year.

It is a 21st century Christmas and we now all must have same-sex mistletoe. If you wander underneath it you will have to kiss Uncle Joe. He lurks near there.

And even though there isnÕt anything wrong with that you have to be careful because Uncle Joe will try to slip you the tongue.

It is a 21st century Christmas, a special one for my mother. She found a surprise in her stockings. Uncle Joe.

It is a 21st century Christmas, and all through the house not a creature was stirring. No one stirs any more because everyone has a Cuisinart.

It is a 21st century Christmas, and my best friend got me a bed warmer.

But thereÕs only one problem with this gift. My wife wonÕt let me keep her.

To all my fellow suburbanites: Merry Christmas and a belated Happy Hanukkah!

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