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Ricky Blue's Other Life
Ricky Blue
Ricky Blue
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is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer. He and partner George Bowser are the famous Bowser and Blue comedy act. Here's his bio from their Bowser and Blue website.

Ricky Blue was born in Liverpool, England, but raised in Maine, New Jersey, and Toronto. He has an MA in English from Concordia University. He has been involved in bands and media music in Montreal for over twenty years. In 1981 he won an international 'Clio' award for excellence in advertising.

He once appeared on television naked.

His life had no real meaning, however, until he began to play with Bowser and Blue. Rick plays guitar, mandolin, and harmonica, and sings in a rather pleasant baritone when George will let him.

His columns are archived here

Posted 12.08.03

RICKY BLUE

Dullsville? Boringtown? Nah, it's Ottawa

I was in Ottawa recently. An interesting place. Where one can have fun the Canadian way: in moderation. After all, Canada is the country whose only revolution has always been described by historians as "quiet."

There is never a dull moment in Ottawa. Years? Yes. But moments - no. But residents are proud that their city is dull. They say, defiantly: if you want to party you can "go to Hull." After all, a city that never sleeps is a city of sin.

But Ottawa is a city that never sleeps - in.

'Ottawa nightlife' is an oxymoron. Ottawa is quiet at night. They know that the best thing in life is a good night's sleep.

Sleep is important in Ottawa. This must be because there are so many government committees with meetings so dull that while you are taking the minutes your hand will fall asleep. The hottest-selling item in the local Ikea stores is a conference table that sleeps 16.

The municipal government is currently accepting applications for a large grant in "yawn research." But as I get older, I appreciate this attitude. A party in Ottawa is senior-friendly because it is always over by 11 p.m.

'Glamour' is distinctive in Ottawa. They do have a star system and are enthralled by the celebrities they see on the street. But would it be Halle Barry or Robert De Niro?

No, an Ottawa resident will come home sweating with excitement because he just spotted the Minister of Intergovernmental Affairs.

Being bland used to worry Ottawa residents. Now they realize that it is their strength. No one who meets them can possibly be offended.

Ottawa is tolerant, mirroring the Canadian character. Federal politicians are on everybody's side. When they speak, it's a festival of qualification and Ottawanians like that. To be on one side or the other of an issue would be risky.

They want their lives to be static, because action means change and change is traumatic. That's why Ottawa toy stores don't sell 'action figures.' They sell 'inaction figures.' Ottawa is Canada's anchor. We never have to worry about them doing anything 'rash.'

Toronto recently passed a transportation law that outlaws idling. This would never fly in Ottawa. If they had an anti-idling law they would have to shut the federal government down!

Civil servants are not allowed to look out of the windows all morning. If they did they would have nothing to do all afternoon.

There was a recent case where one civil servant had been dead for two years and no one knew. In government corridors they keep to the right of a line in the middle of the floor. That is so the people coming in late won't bump into the people who are leaving early.

Ottawa's claim to fame is that it is the coldest capital in the world. This might seem negative. But, as in most government towns, there are more women living there than men. Put those two facts together and perhaps we have the reason why Ottawa is so content with the status quo. And why it has no nightlife. And why they spend so much time in bed.

You see, Ottawa might seem dull. But not if you do what Ottawa people do. They stay home at night and cuddle. Because in Ottawa, home is where the real action is. Ottawa: The City of Love!

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