DEC
2019
   LOG CABIN CHRONICLES    UPDATED
DAILY

Ricky Blue's Other Life
Ricky Blue
Ricky Blue
spacer
is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer. He and partner George Bowser are the famous Bowser and Blue comedy act. Here's his bio from their Bowser and Blue website.

Ricky Blue was born in Liverpool, England, but raised in Maine, New Jersey, and Toronto. He has an MA in English from Concordia University. He has been involved in bands and media music in Montreal for over twenty years. In 1981 he won an international 'Clio' award for excellence in advertising.

He once appeared on television naked.

His life had no real meaning, however, until he began to play with Bowser and Blue. Rick plays guitar, mandolin, and harmonica, and sings in a rather pleasant baritone when George will let him.

His columns are archived here

Posted 10.28.02

RICKY BLUE

The Queen, ladies and gentlemen, the Queen

There are many people, much smarter than me, who have refused to be drawn into a debate about the monarchy. Perhaps they saw what happened to poor John Manley.

Personally, I always thought that it was a bit baffling for an independent country to have the monarch of a foreign country as its Head of State. But, as many are quick to point out, it seems to do no harm. And not changing it is easier than changing it.

It is just a bit embarrassing.

Like when Americans, after finding out that the woman on our money is actually the Queen of England, laugh in our faces and say: "What a totally wussy country you have!"

How does the British monarchy retain its hold over ex-colonies like us? Is it because our population would still rather be a colony?

How does a medieval institution like this even survive in our modern democratic era? We no longer believe that her magic comes from God, like the Pope. She is the head of the Church of England, but most of us are not members of that church.

How does this lady draw crowds of fawning, obsequious Canadians wherever she goes? Because she is a kindly old aunt?

Old Aunty Gert who lives down the road is kindly. And no one will even give her a seat on the metro.

How does the Queen effortlessly hold onto a position that people like Saddam Hussein have to use murder and terror to achieve?

Somewhere in the not-too-distant past, an underling must have said: "Most Excellent Majesty, surely there is no way that a modern society will continue to be loyal to a sovereign. Being based on birth, it goes against the whole idea of democracy."

"Don't worry," came the reply. "One has a plan."

"I cringe in your magnificent radiance, most Ethereal Light Bulb. But soon One might make an unpopular political decision and that will be it. The population will suddenly wake up, as if a hypnotic spell had been broken. They will realize that One is not any different than they are."

"That's just it," the monarch replied with a twinkle in One's eye. "One will not make any decisions at all. One will make no laws. So the people will reserve all their antipathy for the politicians. One will remain aloof and pure."

"But most Luxuriant and Expensive Hat Tree, how can it be that a Head of State never actually makes a decision? Wouldn't that render One - dare I say it - irrelevant?"

"One would be a symbol. Like a flag. And like the flag, One would still wave. (One sometimes makes Oneself laugh)."

"Why would anyone want a Head of State that does nothing?"

"That way One will not spoil their fantasies. You see, most people need a monarch. They want to believe that there exists a special 'Royal' family, blessed and different than they, poor miserable beasts. That is why so many fairy tales exist. Like 'Cinderella' and 'The Prince and the Pauper'."

"I grovel at your feet, Most Galloping Horsiness. That is a truly brilliant plan. And I am not just saying that just because otherwise One will cut off my head. Because now, according to the plan, One can no longer cut off my head."

"No, ingratiating toad. But One can still send you to Canada."
 

HOME   COLUMNS   FEATURES   FICTION   OPINION   POETRY   PHOTOGRAPHY