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Ricky Blue's Other Life
Ricky Blue
Ricky Blue
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is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer. He and partner George Bowser are the famous Bowser and Blue comedy act. Here's his bio from their Bowser and Blue website.

Ricky Blue was born in Liverpool, England, but raised in Maine, New Jersey, and Toronto. He has an MA in English from Concordia University. He has been involved in bands and media music in Montreal for over twenty years. In 1981 he won an international 'Clio' award for excellence in advertising.

He once appeared on television naked.

His life had no real meaning, however, until he began to play with Bowser and Blue. Rick plays guitar, mandolin, and harmonica, and sings in a rather pleasant baritone when George will let him.

His columns are archived here

Posted 03.25.05

RICKY BLUE

It's Canada, and the spending is easy, eh?

We see you've billed the government for 3673 hours of work in a single year. That's 10 hours per day. Every day.

- I was very busy, Mr. Gomery. I didn't have much of a social life.

- But you did make $6 million. And you paid your wife $2 million?

- That was so she could have a social life.

- And your son got $5 million?

- He worked after school.

- This invoice says that Canadian flags were manufactured in China for five cents. You shipped ten thousand of them here and billed the government for $50 each. Then you billed the government for consultation charges of $500 an hour for 300 hours, an extra $150,000. What exactly was that for?

- That was for having the expertise to know that I could have cheap flags made in China and charge the government 50,000 times what they were worth. Not everyone knows they can do that.

- Also it says here that during one event that you were being paid $250,000 by the government as the sponsor. And the company that organized the event also paid you $100,000. And the corporation who owned the building also paid you $50,000. And the company that owned the concessions for food and drink also paid you $25,000. And the union guys passed the hat and kicked in $55.32.

- Everybody likes me.

- And on top of all that you charged the government another $100,000 consultation fee. What was that for?

- For knowing how to write invoices. That's the most important part of the public relations business.

- You also invoiced the government for the costs you incurred at your office. But you also invoiced them separately for each of your staff.

- Like I said. I know how to write invoices.

- When you were invoiced by one of your consultants at $60 an hour. Then you invoiced the government for the same work at $110 an hour.

- That's what the government expected to pay. I didn't want to disappoint them. That's part of public relations, too.

- So every time the government had a certain amount to spend on a certain project you managed to spend exactly that amount.

- That's part of the secret to dealing with the government. If you don't spend what the government sets aside for something then the next year they will budget less. If everybody under spent then the government would end up in the future budgeting no money for anything. Would you want me to punish our children's children by being frugal?

- On one day you were paid for getting out of bed. Then you were paid for having a shower. Then you were paid for eating a bowl of cereal. Then you were paid for driving to work.

- That's all part of the job, too.

- After work you were paid for driving home. You were paid for eating dinner. Then you were paid for falling asleep in front of the TV during an episode of Les Bougon.

- You can learn a lot from those guys. Like how government money doesn't really belong to anyone.

- You call that 'public relations?'

- Yes. It's like sexual relations, but with the public.

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