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Ricky Blue's Other Life
Ricky Blue
Ricky Blue
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is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer. He and partner George Bowser are the famous Bowser and Blue comedy act. Here's his bio from their Bowser and Blue website.

Ricky Blue was born in Liverpool, England, but raised in Maine, New Jersey, and Toronto. He has an MA in English from Concordia University. He has been involved in bands and media music in Montreal for over twenty years. In 1981 he won an international 'Clio' award for excellence in advertising.

He once appeared on television naked.

His life had no real meaning, however, until he began to play with Bowser and Blue. Rick plays guitar, mandolin, and harmonica, and sings in a rather pleasant baritone when George will let him.

His columns are archived here

Posted 04.10.03

RICKY BLUE

My Non-fat Wino Diet

A war in Iraq? An election in Quebec? Heavy, man. Let's talk about something lighter. What am I saying? Something just as heavy.

Let me talk about fat. Because I have begun to notice that gravity is no longer my friend. What I'm saying is that although politicians might always be trying to save face, I just wish I could lose some.

I mean that I sometimes feel so fat that I am afraid that when I lie on the beach, Greenpeace will show up to try to push me back into the water. Badaboom!

Yes, there are a million fat jokes. And I used to think they were harmless. I had memorized them while working on a song called "Being Fat Is Where It's At." But a couple of years ago I shifted into "Uncle Miltie" gear and told joke after joke to one of my friends not realizing that he might have been sensitive about his size.

And to tell you the truth I didn't even think of him as being "fat." I thought of him as merely "round." There is a difference. But I still feel bad about it now. People are very sensitive about this subject. We live in a society that worships the young and the thin.

Maybe as God's punishment for that insensitive act, I was soon forced to go on a non-fat diet. It wasn't that I was particularly overweight just the normal fifteen pounds but I had to be gentle on my gall bladder, which stores the bile that breaks down the fat. Because of this diet I learned about how much fat we regularly consume.

I learned that the most attractive ingredient in all our food is fat. Take a typical burger. It is fried fat. And then you put some cheese on it: more fat. Then you add bacon: even more fat. And French fries: the most fat.

"Would you like some fat with your fat?"

Everywhere you look there is fat. A pizza with cheese and Pepperoni: fat. Barbecue chicken with skin and sauce: fat. To paraphrase Alec Guinness in "The Paths of Glory": For those who like fat: fat! And for those who don't like fat fat!

I lost fifteen pounds in a month simply by merely cutting the fat out of my diet. No butter or cheese or milk products. Nothing cooked in oil. No sauces. In fact, if you really want to know what a no-fat diet is, just write down the names of all the foods you love to eat. That's it. These are the foods you should no longer eat.

I was allowed to eat certain grilled meats; pasta and potatoes with no sauce or butter; and unbuttered toast with jam. I began to take my reading glasses to the grocery store so I could read the fat content on packaged foods.

Vegetarianism could not help me. Because the gall bladder also helps break down vegetables I could not replace the fat with salads. I was not allowed to eat any uncooked vegetables.

What to do? Well, I was allowed to drink wine. And I can assure you, I did. Apparently, this does not affect the gall bladder. And it definitely helped me put up with the diet. Some people follow protein-only diets, or low-carbohydrate diets.

My diet was simpler. I called it: "Ricky's Stay Sloshed and Lose Weight Diet."
 

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