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Ricky Blue's Other Life
Ricky Blue
Ricky Blue
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is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer. He and partner George Bowser are the famous Bowser and Blue comedy act. Here's his bio from their Bowser and Blue website.

Ricky Blue was born in Liverpool, England, but raised in Maine, New Jersey, and Toronto. He has an MA in English from Concordia University. He has been involved in bands and media music in Montreal for over twenty years. In 1981 he won an international 'Clio' award for excellence in advertising.

He once appeared on television naked.

His life had no real meaning, however, until he began to play with Bowser and Blue. Rick plays guitar, mandolin, and harmonica, and sings in a rather pleasant baritone when George will let him.

His columns are archived here

Posted 09.06.02

RICKY BLUE

Powerboats vs nature's tranquility

It is Saturday on Lac Quetaine. At 9 a.m. I see the first boat, a large powerful inboard towing two screamers on an inflatable raft.

Thus begins the transformation of the tranquil silence of nature into the soundtrack from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And they all have one thing in common: they are powerboats. I don't see a single sail.

There goes a Johnson 'Wave-maker!' Look out! Here comes another tsunami! This thing has a wake you can surf on. Even though there is no wind the lake already has whitecaps.

One guy has a V-6. Hey, I have friends whose car motors aren't even as big as that!

How powerful do these boats have to be?

With this boat, sir, you'll be able to pull 15 water-skiers at once. With this boat you could pull the Queen Mary into New York harbour. With this baby you could pull the continent of America closer to the continent of Europe!

By noon, I count 15 boats circling in front of my cottage. How there isn't a fatal collision I'll never know. It looks like Dunkirk on speed.

Somewhere in the middle of it all are two rotund people on a Pedalo slowly make their way to the far shore while a horde of Sea-Doos buzz around them like angry killer bees.

The traffic increases until it peaks at four in the afternoon. Maybe because that is the hour that every last teenage boy in the neighbourhood has finally risen from his bed.

The boats blast by, turning this quaint little Laurentian lake into La Ronde! They drag people across the water on the end of a rope at about 30 miles per hour.

I remember those old newsreels of some daredevil trying to do 200 mph in a boat. I remember it suddenly flipping and disintegrating into a splash and puff of smoke.

What is so ironic is that if anything unfortunate did happen, whom do you think would be blamed? Who do you think would be sued? Probably Evinrude. But if you have a 250-horsepower engine on a small lake like this, aren't you essentially expressing some kind of death wish? Shouldn't you know that doing 60 knots in a lake the size of a duck pond could be dangerous?

They are fearless. Later on, I actually saw someone 'night water skiing.' Does nothing scare these people? Not even total darkness?

I ask myself, why do they do it? Then I begin to notice something. All the drivers are male. Most of the passengers are female. Is this some kind of biological display I am witnessing? Of course.

The powerful motorboats are phalluses. The speed, power and fearlessness are all meant to impress the girls. And there are always a couple of babes in bikinis posed on the front of the largest muscle boat on the lake even though it is piloted by guy who looks like Jabba the Hutt. Is this what it is all about, Dr. Freud?

(Spoken with a Viennese accent) "It is simply part of zee veekend mating ritual. After all, after Saturday afternoon comes Saturday night. Zat's ven all zee hard-bodies still vibrating from an afternoon of powerboat action hit zee local hot spots. Like St. Sauveur. And Zay continue zee ritual of thrills and motion zat zay began during zee day."

And on Sunday morning, the lake is still once again.
 

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