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Ricky Blue's Other Life
Ricky Blue
Ricky Blue
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is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer. He and partner George Bowser are the famous Bowser and Blue comedy act. Here's his bio from their Bowser and Blue website.

Ricky Blue was born in Liverpool, England, but raised in Maine, New Jersey, and Toronto. He has an MA in English from Concordia University. He has been involved in bands and media music in Montreal for over twenty years. In 1981 he won an international 'Clio' award for excellence in advertising.

He once appeared on television naked.

His life had no real meaning, however, until he began to play with Bowser and Blue. Rick plays guitar, mandolin, and harmonica, and sings in a rather pleasant baritone when George will let him.

His columns are archived here

Posted 03.18.03

RICKY BLUE

To Market, To Market. Not.

The latest Registered Retirement Savings Plan (RRSP) deadline has passed and I for one am in shock. For so many years I have scrounged up my tax-deductible RRSP limit and squirreled it away with the satisfaction that I was doing something good for my future.

No longer.

After the last two years, I have seen what are basically my life's savings shrink like the private parts of a weightlifter on steroids. I have been holding on like a good mutual-funder ever since the market started to tank. I know it will go up eventually. But the question is: Will I still be alive to see it?

Because right now my savings are less than what I would have if I had simply stuffed it into a mattress each year. And now when my financial advisor says: "Bear with me," bear has a whole new meaning. All through the 1990s the smart money told me I should take all my savings out of my bank deposits and sink them into the market.

"Three per cent interest?" They scoffed, "You have to let your money work for you."

Well now, my money is working against me. I dream of three per cent interest. My RRSPs are now more like Har-dee-har-har-SPs. I have a friend who is going to take all his money out of his RRSP account, pay the criminally high taxes, and put a down payment on a building.

Why?

At least that way the money will be used. He will then move his offices into that building and it will be tax-deductible just like his RRSPs. But it won't shrink. It will start out four floors high and it will stay that way. And whether or not the real estate market rises or falls, at least he will be using it. Our money in the stock market is evaporating faster than the hopes of an Expos fan and it won't return soon. The tide has gone out. Only those of us who can afford to lose our money can afford to wait for it to come back in again.

Yes, I know, this is exactly the attitude of amateurs who never win in the market. But that's what all we RRSP people are: amateurs.

We were never meant to be there in the first place. It was all part of a government conspiracy to get us all to pay for our own retirements on top of our social security because they squandered that money long ago.

So, we are the rubes. We are the tourists in Las Vegas who never win. The market was never meant for the likes of us. The only thing that can help us now is magic. We need a cult to bring back the market. In the old days, the Druids would have an orgy to bring back the fertility of the land. I like the sound of that. It is still the basis of our New Year's Eve blowout. And every year it works.

In Frazer's work, 'The Golden Bough' (which is about ancient European spring festivals), he describes how some tribes would even murder their king, cut him into pieces, and throw him in a river. This would bring back the fertility of summer.

Do you know any kings that you would like to do that to? There's a river right near here. We need a pagan spring 'Bring-back-the Market' festival. Anyone have a better idea?
 

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